A DIALOGUE Between MENIPPUS and CERBERUS.
Men.THOU Great Triumvirate of Pates!
And Porter of th' Infernal Gates;
Tell me, when Socrates came down,
What Face and Humour, wore the Clown?
Deal frankly with me, ſince we are,
(As well as Cyniques) Chronies here:
For as you are a God, you can;
Or bark like Dog, or talk like Man.
Cer.At firſt he ſullen was, and Mute,
Seem'd very bold, and Reſolute;
And fain wou'd paſs for one that ne'er
Was ſhokt by death, or ſhak'd by fear:
And did behave himſelf, as well,
At's death, as any he, in Hell:
But when within theſe ſhades his foot
He'ad ſet, (and drawn the other to't)
The ('fore ſo ſtout, then) trembling Spark,
Did quake and ſhake, to ſee't ſo Dark.
And when my twice-three Ears I ſhook,
He lookt juſt like one Thunder-ſtrook.
But when I ſnarl'd at him, and groul'd,
And with my gaping three-mouths howl'd:
Snapt at his Shins, (and's Stockins Spoyl'd)
He cry'd (and bellow'd) like a Child;
Tormenting's ſelf, as if he had,
Been drunk (with Nants) or Raving Mad.
Men.If ſo, as far as I can gather,
Than Valiant, he a Cheat was rather,
And did not when he hither Coaſted
Deſpiſe and bear death as he boaſted.
Cer.Yes, when he ſaw (I muſt confeſs)
That on he muſt without redreſs,
He ſhew'd ſome Courage, and ('tis ſaid;)
He did not ſeem to be diſmay'd;
But bore it with as bold a Brow,
As the occaſion wou'd allow;
2 And lookt, as if 'twas not Neceſſity,
But pure Chance-Medly in Adverſity:
Tho I believ'd 'twas partly done,
To be admir'd by th' Lookers on:
Or, to beget the Reputation,
Of Stout, he dy'd that ſurly faſhion.
The ſame too may be ſaid of moſt,
Who for that Cauſe, came to our Coaſt:
They're wond'rous Valiant juſt before,
But when they come to th' very Door;
The boldeſt Spirit of 'em fails,
(And look like Dogs, that hang their Tails.)
Men.But Cerb'rus what canſt ſay of me?
When I came down to viſit thee.
Cer.Thou art a Worthy brave Philoſopher,
And boldly didſt the Ferry croſs over,
As Great Diogenes did before thee,
(If there be any truth in Story).
I'le ſwear for thee, thou cam'ſt not here
Unwillingly, by force, or fear,
But in a chearful manner, Gay,
Tickling, and Smiling all the way;
As if you had nought elſe to do,
But to be merry here below;
While others in this place are Weeping,
And alwayes ſuch a Noiſe are Keeping;
One had as good be in a Mill,
(In troth 'tis true) as live in Hell.
A Dialogue between Jupiter, and Ganymede.
Jup.HOW is't, my pretty One? Come, ſpeak,
Now I have neither Claw, nor Beak;
You'l Kiſs me ſure: you need not Fear,
Nothing, my Love ſhall Hurt you here.
Gan.Where are they then? I'me zure that you,
A Hugeous Eagle, was but now:
Vor as I did my Vathers Zheep,
Upon our Vurzie Common keep;
You Zwopt me up, while I lay Kicking,
As if I'de been a Tiny Chicken.
How cou'd you do it, pray? Vor now,
You look as our Town-Zhepherds do;
And are a Man, I vancy too.
Jup.I'me neither Man, nor Eagle, Love;
But King of all the the Pow'rs Above:
Who ſo Transform'd my ſelf to be,
More Strong and Fit, to Carry thee.
3Gan.But tell me Grandzir, if you can,
Who 'tis you are? Or are you Pan?
Yet now I think more on the Matter,
He looks as Wild, as any Zatyr.
Horns on his Head, and Cloven Paw,
With Hairy Feet, and Pipe of Straw;
The only Marks, I know him by.
Jup.Know'ſt thou no other Deity?
Gan.Not I, d'you think I'de tell you Lies:
But ev'ry Year we Zacrivize,
To him a Goat, in his own Cave,
Becauſe he zhou'd our Cattle Zave;
But you, vor all you're zuch a Ztrapper,
I vear, are but zome zly Kidnapper;
Who Get your Living by Decoys,
And Mony make, of Little Boys.
Jup.Didſt thou ne'er hear, of Mighty Jove?
Whoſe Temple is in Ida's Grove,
Who Lightens Heaven at his Pleaſure;
And Thunders People ſo together.
Gan.O yes, is't you who make that Noiſe,
And Vrighten Women zo, and Boys:
To whom my Vather, ev'ry year,
Does Zacrivize a Ram for Vear,
He ſhou'd make Bread, and Butter Dear.
But why did you znatch me away?
The Woolf, will all my Lamkins, Zlay.
Jup.Thou think'ſt of nothing, but thy Sheep;
Thou'rt now Immortal, and muſt keep
Dull Brutes no more; but Live with me,
And ever keep Gods Company.
Gan.But won't you zet me down again?
Jup.No: All my Labour's then in Vain.
Gan.But my poor Dad, will Nangry be,
If he his Boy ſhou'd never zee;
And Beat me 'cauſe I left my Zheep.
Jup.Fear not, I will thee alwayes keep.
Gan.Don't keep me now; I pray now, don't,
I wonnot ztay now, that I won't.
Yet, if you will but let me go;
I'le Zacrivize a Ram to you.
Jup.How ſimple is this pretty Boy;
Come ben't diſmay'd, Chear up my Joy:
You muſt forget all things below,
My Nubſie, you're in Heaven now,
And may do good unto your Friends;
And never think on private Ends.
You ſhall no longer be a Boy,
But have what e'er the God's Enjoy.
4Inſtead of Butter, Cheeſe, and Whey,
Have Nectar, and Ambraſia:
And have your Star amongſt the Reſt,
And Shine as Glorious, as the Beſt.
Gan.That's mighty Brave: But Zir, if I
Wou'd Play, Who'll keep me Company?
For when I was on Ida's Hill,
I had my Playvellows at Will.
Jup.Cupid, my Lad, ſhall Play with thee,
If thou wilt Brisk, and Chearful be:
For he's as Arch a Wagg, as thou;
But mind no more the Things below.
Gan.I marry Zir! that's pure indeed,
But have you any Vlocks to Veed?
Elſe what ſhall I do here Above?
Jup.Thou ſhalt be Cup-bearer to Jove,
And fill him Nectar little Love.
Gan.Is that zo good as Milk, and Whey?
Jup.Better, my Joy by far, than they;
And thou ſhalt Drink it ev'ry day.
Gan.Where muſt I Lye a Nights, Zir tho?
With Cupid, my Vine Playvellow:
Jup.No, no, with me; my pretty One.
Gan.What, are you 'vraid to lye alone?
Jup.'Tis better with a pretty Lad;
Gan.Zure you are Drunk good Zir, or Mad;
What good can Pretty do a Bed?
When Zleep is got into ones Head.
Jup.Sleep 's not ſo Pleaſant, when Alone;
Two is much better (Dear) than One.
Gen.When I lay with my Vather, he
Did alwayes vex, and vret at me;
Becauſe I zuch a doo did keep,
Tumbling, and talking in my Zleep:
And Puncht him on the zides and head,
And kickt him almoſt out oth' Bed,
That he wou'd zend me to my Mother,
I allwayes kept zuch ztir and pother,
If you took me vor this Idain,
You'l quickly zet me down again.
Jup.I than thy Father love thee more,
I'le kiſs and handle thee all o're:
Beſides, I've other things in ſtore.
Gan.You may do what you will, and keep
What ztir you pleaze, but I will Zleep.
Jup.We'll talk of this another day.
Here! take him (Mercury) away,
And ſee'm drink Imortality,
That he may ſerve's in Quallity;
5 Of Cupbearer, and teach the Fool,
To make a Leg, and give the Bowl.
A Dialogue between Crates and Diogenes.
Cra.DID you know that Old Cinque and Cater,
Who ſuch a ſtir made on the Water;
With Ships and Boats of ev'ry ſize,
As if th' Sea he'd Monopolize?
He liv'd at Corinth in the High Houſe,
His Name was (let me ſee) Maerichus;
Whoſe Couſin was, as great a Raſcal
As ever drank of Wine a flaſque all
Believe me, or his Neighbours, ask All;
And full as Rich, and Old as he,
And had as much Frigidity;
As near, and Covetous he was,
And ev'ry whit as much an Aſs:
Repeating ſtill that piece of Honour,
Deliver'd to the World by Homer:
Into his Ears, Do thou kill me,
Chuſe which thou wilt, or I' •e Kill thee:
'Tis pitty that we both ſhou'd live,
Let him take all who muſt Survive;
For you muſt know, they had made over
Their whole Eſtates to one another;
Conſulted all the South-ſayers,
Conjurers and Aſtrologers,
To know whom Monſieur Mors his Worſhip
Wou'd give it all, by Survivorſhip.
But theſe Damn'd ſcoundrels, one wou'd Wheedle
And then the other Trout, they'd tickle;
So both of them a while were eas'd
Tho neither of 'em Thro'ly pleas'd;
For all thoſe Fellows at the beſt,
Are Cheats, and prate for Intereſt.
Dio.But what became on't, Prithee Crates.
Cra.Why I will tell thee what their fate was:
They both together on a day,
Dropt into th' Grave (as one may ſay)
And left their Riches all to them,
They ne're ſo much as in a Dream,
Did ever think of, or the (Wench-on)
Conjurers did ever Mention.
Dio.I'm glad on't Faith, it makes me Jolly,
And much delights me: but ſuch Folly,
By thou and I, was ne're Committed;
Or were we e're ſo baſely Cheated:
6 (Such fooliſh idle things, but mean is,)
I never wiſh'd that Antiſthenes
Wou'd die, and leave his Oaken Plant
To me, tho I ſtood then in want:
Or, didſt thou ever wiſh for mine,
That Tub, and Scrip, might both be thine.
Crates.That's true, becauſe we were content
With that ſmall Stock kind Fortune ſent;
And I thought 'twas enough t' Inherit
Thy Virtues, and thy God-like Spirit:
As thou had'ſt done, on the ſame Score,
By Great Antiſthenes before.
Which Wealth is more to be deſir'd,
Tho not of late ſo much Admir'd;
You ne're ſaw any come to us,
To learn how to be Virtuous;
Whereas you ſee they never fail
Purſuing Riches, Tooth and Nail;
While others ſtriving to be Great,
Admiring Titles, Pomp and State;
Will live on Pottage, Herbs and Carrot,
So they may hurry't in a Chariot,
Attended on by tatter'd Pages,
With Lanthorn Jaws, ſtarv'd at Board-Wages,
Which ne're was known in former Ages.
Dio.It is no Wonder this to ſee,
Their Souls are ſpoyl'd by Luxury:
They're void of Honour, and ſo Vain,
They cannot any good contain:
They're like th' Bellides here in Hell,
Whoſe Barrel runs out faſter ſtill,
Than they have Power and Strength to fill:
But ſhou'd you dare to be ſo bold
As Venture, but to touch their Gold,
So much to good men they are helps,
You might as well a Lyoneſs Rob of Whelps.
Crates.Beſides, this Comfort too we have,
We carry all our Wealth to th' Grave;
Whileſt they (than us) do bring no more,
So leave behind 'em all their Store:
And honeſt Charon (if they've any)
Does eaſe 'em of their laſt poor Penny:
VVhich is thruſt in their Mouths by thoſe
Who put 'em on their Bur'ing Cloaths.
7A Dialogue between Charon, Mercury, (a Company of Dead Men,) Menippus, Charmoleus, Lampichus, Damaſias, a Philoſopher, and a Rhetorician.
Charon.COme Liſten, All, to what I ſay,
My Ferry-Boat's gone to Decay;
It Leaks, is Old, and very Rotten,
Beſides, my Bench and Oars are Broken;
Therefore ſit ſtill, and Trim it well,
Or elſe, twon't Carry you to Hell:
For here's ſo many come together,
That if we ſhou'd but have foul Weather,
Their Luggage is fo very Great,
They will my Wherry Over-ſet:
Then thoſe that cannot Swim, will be,
In a pretty Pickle preſently.
The Dead.What ſhall we do than, prithee Charon?
For to get over Acheron?
Charon.I'le tell you, you muſt come as bare,
As when you firſt breath'd Grecian Air;
And leave your Trumpery on the Shore,
And ne'r ſo much as think on't more.
And ſince my Boat's ſo very Small,
'Tis well if then it hold ye All.
Be it thy Charge too, Meſſenger,
T' Examine ev'ry Paſſenger.
That none but half-Stav'd Fellows come,
Expecting in my Wherry Room.
Take Care too, and be ſure you Mind 'em,
To leave their Baggage all behind 'em;
Then on the Ladder ſtand Equipt,
And force 'em all to enter Stript.
Mercury,I will Obey, and now let's ſee,
Who 'tis comes firſt oth' Company.
Menip.'Tis I, Menippus, who am come,
To be a little Troubleſome.
Tho I have thrown into the Lake,
My Staff, and Wallet, for the ſake
Of eaſy Waftage: And 'tis well,
I brought no Gown, nor Surſingle;
(Tho if the Naked Truth. were known,
In all my Life, I ne'r had One.)
Mercury.Enter Menippus to the Sculler,
Thou beſt of Men, before 'tis fuller;
And take the Higheſt Place, that thou,
From thence may'ſt ſee, what others do;
8 But who is this that comes to ſee us?
Charmoleus.I am the Lovely Charmoleus,
Who for a Kiſs, took as much Money's,
As wou'd have Purchaſt'd Fifty Coneys.
Mercury.Caſt off your Beauty, and your Pride,
Your Lips, Red-Cheeks, and Hair beſide:
And do not think to enter in
To Hell, and ſleep in a Whole Skin;
But pull it off, and do not Venture.
'Tis Well, ſo now you'r fit to Enter.
But what Grim Sir is that, when Dead,
Dares Venture with a Crown On's Head?
Lampichus.I am Prince Lampichus of Gela.
Mercury.Why thus Loaden, prithee Fellow?
Lampichus.Why ſhou'd a Prince come Naked too?
Mercury.A Prince ſhou'd not; but Dead Men do.
Therefore put off your Ornaments.
Lampichus.There Lye, my Rich Habiliments:
Mercury.And you muſt put off too, (beſide,)
Your Hanghty-Looks, your State, and Pride;
For if they Enter, you ſhall ſee,
They'l Sink the Boat immediately.
Lampichus.Let me but keep my Robe, and Crown:
Mercury.No, you muſt even them lay down.
Lampichus.There then, what more have I to do?
Mercury.You muſt put off your Fury too.
To Wit, and Knowledge, your pretence,
Your Cruelty, and Inſolence.
Lampichus.See, I am Naked to the Skin,
Mercury.'Tis very well, Now Enter in.
What great Fool's this? (Fat as an Oſtler.)
Damaſias.I am Damaſias the Wraſtler.
Mercury.I thought ſo, you Iv'e often ſeen.
Damaſias.True, therefore Naked, let me in.
Mercury.You are not Naked Underſtood,
When Cloath'd with all this Fleſh, and Blood:
Therefore pray Strip; nay, you muſt do't,
And Caſt away your Crowns to Boot;
For elſe your Waight will Sink the Boat.
Damaſias,See, I Obey, and am Induſtrious,
To make my Slender Ghoſt Illuſtrious! **See an Elegy on Prince Rupert.
* Mercury.So, now come in, for thou'rt, as Fit,
As any ever Enter'd yet:
You Crato, throw away your Riches,
You that Wore Coats, inſtead of Breeches;
And bring not here your Poetrie,
Your Titles, nor your Pedigree.
9Your Statues neither, which for Mony
The City did beſtow upon you:
And ſpeak not of your Tomb, for that
From the Remembrance gathers weight.
Crato.Well I will do't, for who that lives,
But needs muſt go, when th' Devil drives.
Mercury.Bleſs me! I think the man is mad,
What carry Trophies now you'r dead?
Crato.Who for this Honour wou'd not ſtrive,
When 'twas a Cities Donative.
Mercury.Come leave your Arms t' your living Race,
For Hell's a very civil Place:
What ſhade is that? who does behave
Himſelf ſo well and looks ſo Grave?
Who knits his brows, in ſuch ſtrange faſhion,
And is ſo fill'd with Contemplation;
And wears ſo very long a Beard,
(Enough to make a Horſe afear'd.)
Menippus.He is, Mercury, a Philoſopher,
Who in one hand two Eggs can toſs over:
A Jugler, Mountebank or Zainye,
Who can be ev'ry thing to any:
Strip him and you ſhall ten to one,
Find Pretty things beneath his Gown.
Mercury.Come, lay aſide your Gown and Dreſs,
And let's behold your Nakedneſs.
O Jupiter! What Ignorance,
Intricate Notions, Arrogance,
Vain-Glory, Trifles, and Contention,
(With many more too long to mention)
Did this proud Fellow car 'about him
(That he'l be nothing ſure without 'em:)
Pleaſures and Gold too, (by the bye,)
With Wantoneſs and Luxury;
All this I know, tho you'd it hide;
Caſt off your Lying too, and Pride;
Your fond Conceit, that you are bleſt
With Gifts far better than the beſt;
For if you enter burden'd ſo,
A firſt Rate Ship won't carry you.
Philoſopher.Since you will have it ſo, 'tis done,
Menippus.Pull off his Beard which is ſo long,
There's no enduring't, 'tis ſo ſtrong:
And does in filth ſo much abound,
I do believe it weighs a pound.
Philoſopher.But who ſhall cut it Mercury?
Mercury.Menippus, he'll do't Cleverly:
10Here, take the Axe with which the Boat
We mend, but have a care of's Throat;
And Chop it off, 'twill ſave a Groat.
Menippus.Lend me the Saw: for that will do,
And't's more Ridiculous o'th' two.
Mercury.No, do't with Axe now if you can:
Menippus.So, now you look like any man;
Now this Damn'd Plaguey ſtink is gon:
But ſhall I leave his Eye-brows on?
Mercury.O Yes, for thoſe he us'd when he,
Did ſtrive to look moſt Piouſly:
What, doſt thou cry? (O fooliſh Man)
Afraid of Death! Come enter than.
Menippus.He ſtill hath one thing ſtrong I ſee.
Menippus.Confounded Flattery.
Philoſopher.Do you Menippus than lay by
Your Boldneſs, Joques, and Liberty.
Mercury.By no means; keep them ſtill, for they
Being light, will help us in our way:
And you too Pleader, pray lay by
Your Similitudes and Oratory;
Your Barbariſms, and other Trade,
Which you Damn'd Rhetoricians made.
Mercury.'Tis well, now ſet from ſhore,
Pull up the Anchor, Ply the Oar;
Haul in the Ladder, ſpread the Sayle:
Now for a brisk and nimble Gale.
Look to the Stern there, you can tell
Charon beſt how; Hey! Hey! for Hell.
Why howle ye Fools? What, are ye afear'd,
Sure thou cry'ſt, 'cauſe thou'ſt loſt thy Beard.
Philoſopher.No, 'tis (tho ye on me retort all)
Becauſe I thought the Soul Immortal.
Menippus.He lies, he does not weep for that;
Mercury.Prithee Menippus than for what?
Menippus.Becauſe he can't be invited more,
To Coſtly Suppers as before;
Nor muffled up ſteal forth by Night,
To pleaſe his Beaſtly Appetite;
When he's not able for to do,
What Nature calls Mankind unto;
Yet he next Morn does Wiſdom Preach,
And Virtue does pretend to Teach:
And takes mens Money too, to do't;
Theſe are the things that grieve the Sot.
11Philoſopher.Art thou not troubled, being dead?
Menippus.Thou art a ſilly Loggerhead
To think ſo, when I made a Venture,
And came my ſelf, 'fore I was ſent for.
But heark from Earth, I hear a Noiſe!
Mercury.'Tis a Company of Men and Boyes;
Who are met together to be Merry,
Since Lampichus came into th' Wherry:
The Women Maull his Wifes poor bones,
VVhile at his Children Boys throw Stones:
Others in Sycyconia Praiſe,
And him Diophantus gives the Bayes;
For the Oration he did bawl,
At our Friend Crato's Funeral:
Damaſias's Mother too i'th' Faſhion,
VVith other Fools makes Lamentation:
But no body Menippus cries,
To Celebrate thy Obſequies.
Menippus.Not ſo, for when they bury me,
You'l hear the Doggs bark Dolefully:
The Crows ſhall beat their VVings, and all
To Solemnize my Funeral.
Mercury.Thou'rt Valiant to a Miracle;
So, now we are arriv'd at Hell:
Go all to th' Court of Juſtice ſtraight,
VVhile I and Charon get more Fraight.
Menippus.Farewel Mercury, we will on;
And ſee what here is to be done.
VVhat will become of you my Friends?
You muſt b' Arraign'd; beſides the Fiends
Have ſtrange Prodigious Methods here
To Puniſh; ſome with Wheels they Tear,
Some they Expoſe in Frozen Parts,
Where Vultures prey upon their Hearts.
Others do Maull their fleſh and bones,
By Rolling weighty Craggy Stones;
While others are with Serpents Laſht,
And into boyling Caldrons daſht.
Here all your thoughts will open'd be
That ev'ry one Accordingly,
May have his Juſt reward of Miſery.
A Dialogue between Pluto and Terpſion.
Ter.IT is Unreaſonable Pluto,
That I ſhou'd Dye ſo Youthful (you know;)
And that at Ninety-Odd, Thucritus
Shou'd ſtill remain Alive, to Spite us.
12Plu.You are miſtan'e; tis very Juſt,
That ſuch baſe men ſhou'd ſtill dye firſt:
For thoſe alone deſerve to Live,
Who Wiſh their Friends, and Kin 'may Thrive;
And thoſe do Merit well the Grave,
Who Wiſh Folks Dead, their Wealth to have.
Ter.But is't not Juſt, the Old ſhou'd Dye,
And leave their Gold to ſuch as I?
Plu.Thou mak'ſt new Laws, when thou doſt Wiſh,
That thoſe who can't Enjoy the Fleſh,
Shou'd be no more: Beſides, 'tis Vain,
For Heav'n (certainly) did Ordain,
More Stranger Things than this ſhou'd be:
(And that from all Eternity.)
Ter.'Tis their Decrees that I too Blame;
Beſides, methinks it is a Shame,
That Old Men ſhou'd remain ſo long,
And Death take off, the Brisk, and Young:
As for Example (mind I pray)
That an Old Fellow doting Grey,
With Palſy, Pox, and Gout, at once,
A ſniveling fribbling Bag of Bones,
Who makes no other Uſe of's Senſes,
Than peſtring People with Pretences;
A Walking Church-yard, Living Grave,
A Frigid, Senſeleſs, Teſty Knave,
Shou'd Live, when ſuch Young Men as I,
Who Brisk, and Vigorous are, muſt Dye.
'Tis juſt like one who's made by Force
A Slave, for better, and for worſe,
Where th' Gray Mare, proves the better Horſe.
Or other wayes t' Expreſs the Thing,
Like Rivers, mounting to their Spring;
But at the laſt, I think 'tis Vain,
Since we know nothing, to Complain.
Plu.Why do you than ſo much admire,
And what is other men's, deſire?
Why ſo much Love do you pretend,
To Rich Old Men? (and call 'em Friend;)
Wheadle them too, to call you Son,
As if your buſineſs then were done;
To make us Laugh at you, when they,
Attend you to your Houſe of Clay.
For it is Pleaſant (Troth) to us,
To ſee men Brisk and Vigorous,
Carreſs Old Age, and be Enamour'd,
VVith what's ſo Fulſome and Ill-favour'd;
Yet this ye only do when They're
Or Childleſs, or without an Heir;
13 Then you in hopes to get their Gold,
Direct your Courtſhip to the Old.
Gold! which can make the Aged Young,
The Cripple VValk, the Feeble Strong,
The Ʋgly Handſome, Swarthy Fair,
And teach the Cunning Knave to Swear;
May well perſwade you, for I ſee,
All Humane-kind ſo Worſhip me,
That Gold's their only Deity.
But theſe Old Men oft Countermine,
And pay you off in your own Coyn;
For if it happen to their Lot,
That many Children they have Got;
They will pretend 'fore you t' abuſe 'em,
And Beat, and Thump, and baſely Uſe 'em,
That they may be by you preſented,
And your Vain hopes in part contented:
Yet when Grim Death, on them does call,
They'l Settle on their Children All,
As Nature at the Firſt deſign'd it;
(I wiſh that all the VVorld wou'd mind it,)
And not make all this Factious 'Do,
But give to ev'ry one their Due;
VVhile you may eaſily count your Gains,
And take your Labour for your Pains.
Ter.And this it is ſpoyls my Content,
For I a VVorld of Mony ſpent,
In Courting this Old Hypocrite,
This Fumbling Limberham'd Thucrite:
For ev'ry day he had the hick up,
VVhich made me think, he ſtraight wou'd kick up;
And caus'd me to preſent him double,
That I my Rivalls all might bubble;
Which I believe (I Vow and Swear)
Was the Cauſe of my coming here:
For I in nothing cou'd delight,
Nor did I ſleep by Day or Night.
And tho of Gloves I made a Cap well,
I cou'd not ſteal a Nap i'th' Chappel;
At which this Curſed Dogg did flout,
VVhen the Old Women lay'd me out.
Plu.Old Heart of Oak! Hold up thy Head
And ſee 'em all as door-nail Dead.
Ter.I wiſh Chariades might dye,
Before him too, as well as I.
Plu.Melanthus, Phido, all ſhall come,
I have already read their Doom.
Ter.That pleaſes me to th' Heart, and Liver,
Happy Thucritus! Live for Ever.
14A Dialogue between Notus and Zephyrus.
Notus.D'b'uy! Friend Zephyrus, I have been,
Where I more rarer Sights have ſeen,
Than e'er I ſaw before, (I vow)
Tell me dear Zeph. ſaw'ſt thou 'em too?
Zeph.Not I in troth, I kept my Station,
And Laboring was in my Vocation,
Toward the Indies I was blowing
And only ſaw what there was doing.
The Bantamer I ſaw, (for ſhapes)
As Comely as a Jackanapes,
(Tho ſome large Monkeys, I ſuppoſe,
I've ſeen more handſome 'bout the Noſe:)
Some other Beaſts too I ſaw there,
But nothing elſe I vow and ſwear.
Notus.Well, well! ſay what you will 'tis vain,
The like can ne'er be ſeen again:
Do'ſt know King Agenor my Lad?
Zeph.The beautiful Europa's Dad?
Notus.You are i'th' Right, 'tis ſhe I mean
To ſpeak of now, (a pretty Quean)
And you know Jove that Rampant Woer,
Had long ſince a Months mind unto her:
So far you're right, but what came on't,
I'm ſure your'e wholly Ignorant:
Yet I will tell thee, therefore put-on
Grave Looks, while I the Tale unbutton:
She be'ng one morn 'on the Sea ſhore
With her Play-fellows (ten or more)
At Hide-and-ſeek, and Priſon-bace,
Hot-cockles, Leap-frogg, and Clap-A —
Jove came i'th' form of Milk-white-Bull,
To VVheedle and Kidnap the Trull;
Leaping and Cap'ring to delight her,
And tame as any Lamb, t' envite her:
VVhich ſhe obſerving, (ſtraight the Gull)
Reſolves to back, and Ride the Bull:
So on ſhe flings her ſelf a-ſtride,
No ſooner pleas'd, but up and Ride;
VVhen ſtraight the Bull with furious haſt
Into the Briniſh Ocean daſht;
VVhile ſhe with hand on's Horn did ſit,
And lookt as if ſhe'd been beſh —
The Wind blew ſo, ſhe had no fence,
Nor Vaile to hide her Twenty-Pence:
VVith head behind ſhe thus ſate bawling,
And on her ſcar'd Companions calling.
15Zeph.Is this the Exc'lent Show (you Lout)
VVhich you have made ſuch ſtir about?
Jove turn'd a Bull, and on his back
To Spirit away a ſilly Crack.
Notus.You'll like it well I do not doubt,
VVhen you have heard the Story out;
For ſtraight the Winds left off their Clutter,
The Foaming Ocean ceas'd to ſputter;
So gen'ral was the Quiet Dreſs,
Nature's whole ſelf ſeem'd Motionleſs;
A Thouſand Cupids flutter'd round,
(To grace the ſhow,) with Roſes Crown'd:
Some cut the Air with nimble Motion,
VVhile others Caper'd on the Ocean:
So brisk and Airy ſtill they trod,
There was not one of 'em wet-ſhod:
And what was ſtrange, not one o'th' Hoſt faild,
Tho not a Boy of 'em was Froſt-Nail'd:
Some carry'd Links, (altho 'twas day)
Others ſung Ballads all the way;
As Colly-Cow, and th' Ladies fall,
VVith Hey Boyes up go we (and all.)
Next came a Troop of Gods o'th' Sea,
With Oyſter-ſhells, Arm'd Capapea:
The Nymphs too ſcorn'd to be behind,
When ſuch a buſineſs was i'th' Wind.
Theſe mixt together as they went,
And made a motly Regiment.
Each one upon a Fiſh did Ride,
Or God, or Goddeſs, all a-ſtride;
And 'twas a pretty ſight to ſee,
Each Nereid naked to the Knee:
But that which ſet me all on fire,
Was when I ſaw — a litter higher:
The Tritons too did there reſort,
And play'd their tricks to make 'em ſport:
Neptune and Amphitrite were there,
T' attend their Brother Jupiter,
To give the Bride, as 'tis the Faſhion
On ſuch Occaſions, in that Nation:
But one thing I forgot to tell,
Venus was there too, in her Shell,
By Tritons drawn, enough to ſcare one,
Scattering of Flowers, on the Fair one:
Briskly in faith ſhe lay'd about her,
The ſight had nothing been without her
Thus Jove Travel'd with his ſweet one,
From off Phenicia to Crete on:
16 When ſtraight he chang'd his Beaſtly ſhapes,
And lookt a God; at which the Trapes
To ſee him thus ſo finely 'quipt,
Lookt juſt as if ſhe had been Whipt:
Then to the private Cave Dutean,
He lead the ſilly bluſhing Quean,
And did — You know, you know what I mean.
At which the Sea Gods all went home,
The Winds too blew, the Sea did Roam;
All that did thither then reſort,
Withdrew and left 'em to their Sport.
Zeph.I envy thee, (by this good Light)
The Pleaſure of this Pleaſant Sight,
Which but related gives Delight.