POore Dunce my friend, familiar, and ſworn brother
Whom I more largely love, then any other,
How ere thou nick-nam'd be Dunce, Dolt, Foole, Sor,
Simplicius block, blind-aſinus and what not;
For whoſe juſt brands I greive, thou well mayſt thinke
As to ſe Geeſe goe barefoote, Ducks to drinke,
Yet thou art dear, to me as Aſſe to Mule,
As Gooſe to Gander, Buffon to Knave Foole.
Gnato to Thraſo, Woodcock to a widgyon,
Pyannat in a Rochet to a Pigion.
And for thy good, my braines I do ſpung yet,
To knock into thy head ſome little wit.
Hence heare and heed, my nocuments for thy good,
Lodge in thy noddle and right underſtood,
My Cannons and my cautions, (tho Sneak, Snake,
Or Peſt thou be) they for thy good may make.
Firſt then, thoughtimes be Luxate out of tune,
As fretts in Muſicks, Cuckowes notes in June,
Yet ſince that Medlars nere be ripe, till ror,
Meddle not with them for they be too hot.
When Pellicans flap at ſlames to ſave their brood,
They but their owne wings ſcortch and do no good,
3 When ought amiſſe thou ſpieſt, looke through thy fingers
And ſeale thy lips, cloſe as Cathedrall ſingers,
(Silentians now) a Turkiſh mute,
Or a dumb Oxe, with worſt times now beſt ſuite,
Wincke (Lyon like) in pollicy yet wake,
Se and ſay nought, though mad worke many make,
Sir and be ſilent and ſay nought but Mum,
Its the road way to make a woman dumb,
Though in Scold-Allia, Giglitania borne,
Schiſm Allia, or Tub Allia Gifts to ſcorne,
As Micholl once mockt David, Jſhmael
Sarahs bleſt ſon: Heire to Gods Iſrael.
Looke at moſt men like Lyons in a grate,
Yet come not in their pawes at any rate.
Live to thy ſelfe, and lurke in Cacus Denn,
Or in the Cyinks Tub, avoid moſt men,
With Petrark, Tully,**In Tuſculano
* pent in Country Farms (As our late Lipſius,**In Angulo agri.
* thou maiſt ſhun moſt harms Ere any thou call friend, drink with him Malt,
Dutch like well watered with him eate much ſalt,
Ioab for Ionathan, yea Aſpe or Viper,
Leaſt hugde thou dance, too late without a Piper.
Wed not with Courtizan, nor ſcold, nor ſlut,
To Horne thy head, thy heart vex, baine thy gut.
But if I may perſwade the (as once blocks
Daunc'r after Orpheus) fly ſtom Wedlocks locks
Thou art a ſimple, ſtand and keepe thy ground,
Be not ſo ſimple yet, as to compound,
Staggs, Bucks, and Hinds on Mountains will live free,
Rather then ſadled Horſe or Aſſe to be,
From Women ſteering then, as Syrens Rocks
For feare of after claps of after knocks
4 If thou with men wilt walke, as penny wiſe,
For ſuddain riſing learne to temporize,
For to prevent Times ſhocks, are rocks and dolours
Polip•ze Camelionize into all colours,
J•ſt Proteus like, Hares Hedg-hogs, wit do ſhow,
Changing their formes as every wind doth blow,
More meale to milnes, more Fiſh to net this brings,
Then begging in the goulden times of Kings,
Or Pirchus, Caeſar and great Alexander,
Who rich in Hopes, inriched each Commander.
As Players then do cun their Cewes by hart,
Smdy the gainfull gnatonizing Art,
But above all, for place, grace, gold and droſſe,
Commence Dunce Doctor quickly at dawes croſſe,
And though the ſpirit of a vane deluſion,
Haunt the like Ahabs prophets to confuſion,
Pretend Enthuſiaſmes, Raptures, and the ſpirit,
This more then learned Arts, wit, worth demerrit,
Above all principles of Matchavil,
All Guſmans wiles, works of Achithophel,
All cheating cunny catching Cards and Dice,
Monopolizing gets the in a trice.
Reputes Friends favours, duſt both red and yellow,
If thou canſt ſchiſmes broach from thy Hogſhead ſhallow
And though thou beeſt but a fantaſtick Elſe,
Yet this will get the praiſe, and ſilver pelfe
And plump thy panch with wines, and belly cheare
As if thou feaſted by Lucullus were;
Yea thou ſhalt be eſteemde the eigth wiſe man,
Learnd Doctor worth a Gooſe, and thou a Swann,
As rare as ever ſung in Thames or Po.
All Paganiſh learning thou wilſt out ſhine ſo.
5No Gypſie, Wizard, Witch Nicromantizer,
No Grand Iropoſter ſhall be held a wiſer,
Lurke but in ſtables, corners, barnes, blind cellers,
Thou ſhalt moe Clyents have then fortnne-tellers,
No jugling Jeſuites wonder-working Fryers,
No miracle minting, monks maſſe, (aſſe) Prieſts lyers,
No Phyſiogmoniſts, prophets Magitians
Quack-ſalvers Empericks, Mount-banks cald Phyſitians
And none by Palmſtry who gull poore ſouls,
Shall be cry'd up, by gandarized Noules,
Above poore the, a witleſſe worthleſſe body,
Who playſt amongſt them all thy games at noddy,
And ever when thou robdſt, or winſt at hitter,
Thou Knave oath clubs turnes up, none doth it fitter,
To ſwell bigg as a Preacher (we I nigh burſt
Like A•ſops Frog) if that thou have a luſt.
This above Kellies Phyloſophick ſtone,
Or Fortunatus purſe: is all in one,
As high as Pewes and Pulpits to advance
Thy blockiſh Ignorance, proud arrogance,
In Campes in Countries Villages, and Cities
Whilſt Phylomuſus, though that he all wit is
Of Dunce and Dulman ſhall be ſcornd ſans pitties,
Weele make him ſigh Elegiakes, dolefull ditties,
Hang down his head like to a bulruſh weake,
Or Cock beate out o'th pit, who ſcarce can creake,
Yea he ſhall ſe a moore-cock, poore cock, baſe
Wiſe as a Woodcock, peerkt up to his place,
By ſome wiſe as himſelf, who for him ſtrike
With armed power, from bodkin to halfe Pike:
Thou and I will be joviall like mad Greekes,
Spurning wits Arts, and learning like young leekes,
No more eſteeming Gifts, in beſt Devine,
6 Then Doggs do hony combes, or pure pearles ſwine,
Whil'ſt Philomuſus ſhall out mourne even Swanns
Doves, neſt rob'd Niti•gals and Pellicans,
And Dowlands Lachrimae ſing with ſad cheares,
Or Ovids Niobe diſſolvd to reares,
His gifts diſgraced, ſilenced his parts
Logicke Philoſophy and the liberall Arts
All Myſtick Sciences deepe and profound,
To profound Jgnorance, ſhall now give grounds;
Yea Elocurion memory quick wit,
This Curtian gulph ſhall ſwallow up each whit,
Greek, Hebrew, Lattine, tongues, and powerfull zeale,
Hſtory Theology ſhall be held a ſweale
But of a Candle, or a Candles ſnuffe
Puſt out: all tooke Tobacco like in puffe,
By us whoſe zeales do boile, like ſcums in por,
In Ignorance wee have a goodly lor,
But in a ſpirit Eutopean far the more,
Theſe two the Goddeſſes be which we adore,
With prieſts of Priapus and Venus Nuns,
(We ſleight theſe Artiſts, and their paper Guns.
Theſe our Dianaes great Apolloes be,
Pallas, Minerva, and the Muſes we
Scoffe as meere ſcare-crowe's in a cherry tree,
By Rattles, Horſes frighted are, not we
Arts Idoles were in Biſhop Quondams daies,
Now Almanacks paſt date, to Mars be praiſe,
Webetter web will ſpin with Rock and Spindle,
Without all yearne, then Artiſts with wits nimble,
We do but turne the cock our waters run,
Our Doctrines drop from Clouds: the Spirit's our ſun,
O worthy brother hold we but to that,
Then like to paper Squibs we ſc•ffe their char,
And to indoctrinare ſomething more free,
Thy dull plumbeous ceribroſitie
Be ſure to hit the way to Dunſtable,
Then tho a Scavenger, or Conſtable,
Borcher or taylor, from the needle train'd,
To the ſharpe pike thou haſt a trade retain'd,
Will hold thy head up higher, then all merrit,
If thou can'ſt bravely brag thou haſt the ſpirit,
(Though but of Iezebels prophets: Lucifer)
This will advance the, place the, grace the farr.
My doubty Dunce, coine credit worſhip both,
To gaine, all ſpiried errours (though meere froath)
As Damocles did Dioniſius ſpittle,
Lick them as Bauline, this will the gaine, no little
Exroll Paus pipe as Midas did of old,
Thine Aſſes eares may ſo be tipt with gold,
Say Paetus daughters be more faire, more wiſe
Then Iun•, its the only way to riſe,
Cry that poore preaching Pedlars better ware
Vent then rich Merchants, this will make the rare.
But cheif if any vent, the leaſt pure wit,
Riddle or hiſtory modeſt Ieaſt, break ſit:
(Though Sampſon and Elias did the ſame)
Cloſe ſting them yet, they and their wirs, proclaime
As froath, loſe, vaine: where thou can'ſt, not do like,
Barke, bite, detract, calumniate diſlike,
Sneakes, ſnakes, in blacks, dyde blocks, can aemulate
And teeth ſhow, where they cannot imitate.
Say that all Churches be but ſleepled ſtones
Except in corners caſt, mongſt holy one
Learned Tub-tatlers, and inſpirde barn-bablers,
This will the grace amongſt plebean ſquablers,
Bray what thou wilt, more then Cumanus Aſſe,
But in a Lyons skinne, withall to paſſe
For Lamb or Sheepe tho like a Fox too badd
Thou ſmell) in a white Lambs skinne yet be clad,
For thou wilt nere effect thine ends in evill,
Unleſſe thou ſeemſt an Angell, or white Devill,
So in Religious Maskes, broach plots from hell,
Like Herod Iſhmaell Iudas Iezabel,
Cheif cloake all ſects ſchiſmes, peſts with faire pretence
Of Liberty for ſooth of conſcience
So the Iews Thalmand, Alchoran of Turks,
And popiſh Maſſe, may further thy worſt works
Obſerve all humours; but reprove them nor,
For then ſome kicking heeles full well I wor,
Wert thou a Paul, would ſpurne the out of place
(As Gadarens did Chriſt) would hate the, Barrabas grace
Deſart lies dead, the way to riſe is flatter,
To fall is truth Crowes will do more then charten
Even picke out eyes of thoſe, their neſts who ſpoile
Michaes and Labans rore, and keepe ſtrange coile
For Idols refr; for Houſhold Gods not Goods
Pagans have hazzarded their lives and bloods;
Therefore deare Dunce to ſleepe in thy warme skin
No Schiſme tax, tho hell harched nor no ſin.
Boyes will adore that Maſter as half God,
VVho caſts away both Ferula and Rod,
And liberty gives to Iack to ſport with Gill,
To play the wantons, and do what they will,
Once get a Chriſt and then keepe Holyday,
Pure ſoules it is the fleſh that ſins not they.
And yet I know without a Chriſt poſſeſt,
In body ſpirit ſoule none can be bleſt,
Our Brother Mahomet, in his ſect thus thrives
Allowing luſts, wine, weomen many wives
And ſo ſhall we: well brother cunn your Cew
Now taught, and till we meere againe adew.