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THE Diſeaſe of the Houſe: Or, the STATE MOUNTEBANCK: Adminiſtring Phyſick To a Sick Parliament.With the Merry Conceits of JOHN CAPON, his Antidotes Playſters and Salves to cure Rebellion.

His Prologue on the Stage.

Come, come, Me have an Antidote can Cure
Your Body; me mak't nw head, ſet it on ſure
One, two, dree, four, five Generation,
This Paper here, help your ſick Nation.
Pa, pa, Ne Purge ne more, begar tis ill
And to let Blood will de whole Body kill:
Me have a precious Drugge in this ſame Box,
Will Cure a Rebels Itch, and help de Pox,
Conſumption of de State, and Common-weale,
Back of mine hand, me can it preſant heal.
If guilty Conſcience trouble you for blood,
Take me dis Pill, begar 'tis very good:
For Perjury, for Steal, for want of Grace,
Me can you Cure in dis very place:
Come Fairfax, Nll, come Bradſhaw and de reſt,
Here is a Medicine, gives you preſant reſt;
The price is ſmall; one penny, two, or dree,
To Cure you all; and eaſe your Miſerie.

NOD-NOL, Printed for the Health, Of the Common-wealth. 1649.


THE Diſeaſe of the Houſe: Or, the STATE MOUNTEBANCK: Admmiſtring Phyſick To a Sick Parliament.With the Merry Conceits of JOHN CAPON, his Antidotes Playſters and Salves to cure Rebellion.


ME fel de Pulſe of de State, begar ſick, ſick, ſick; deſparate ſick; no Head at all; it ſwoons in mine hand; mafoy me have Antidote me apply to de Neck will cure preſant; this is a Grand diſtemper in the Brain; begar all mad mad, mad, all England be very Lunatick; you find your ſelf not well; you give your Money to Knave, Jack a nape, Committee, Rogue, Thief, Cheat you, Cozen you, Gull you, make you beleeve de Moon is green Cheſe; le Rogue, le Tray­tor, le Thief; Fy fy, fy! I Cure you for half-penny value; apply4 mine Playſter to your Neck and heal you preſant: Where is my man Capon there, why Capon I ſay; bring hither the Receit for Rebels; begar me Caſt her Water, find every Member in her Bo­dy Diſeaſed, full of Malignant humour; be predominant in de Li­ver; make her fume and light-headed, inconſtant,a•••…ing, and given to change, and mtability. Fy, fy, fy; Why C••••, bring hither the Antidote.

Enter Capon with a Halter.

Here Maſter, here's that Cures all Diſeaſes in the curning of a hand: there can be no better cure for Rebellion, Regicide, and a guilty Conſcience; I am ſure Iudasas as holy a man as any Parliament-man of them all, and as thriving a man, and he made uſe of this Medicine; Nay, I'le beſworn upon a Book, I have known it Cure a hundred; Apply it but under your Eares, in a morning, or evening, you will with one ſnick-up find eaſe preſantly: I am a Doctor my ſelf, and have Traveled Eaſt, Weſt, North, South, in all Forraign parts for myxpe­rience, know the Nature of all Diſeaſes in all the Countries and Common-wealths in the World: This is Probati••eſt; 'tis a precious Drugge, good for any thing: 'twill Cure an ApoſtatizAchitophel, and divers others have made ſpecial uſe thereof, and found eaſe preſently. Come away Cuſtomers, you know not the Vertue of this; it will Cure the rottenneſſe of your members; eaſe a guilty conſcience; or the aking of your hearts; the bloody-iſſue; the conſumption, and dizzineſſe in your heads; 'twill allay the heat of your inordinate affections, the luſt of your eyes, the evil diſpoſitions of your ſouls, the perfidiouſneſſe of your hearts, the cove­touſneſſe of your minds, and all ill quallities; this helps the tooth­ach, the lying of the tongue, equivocations, oathes, and perjuries, and all the properties of an evil infected and ſeared conſcience; this is a Medicine for a troubled mind, and helpeth rebellion, aches, hu­mours inflamations, botches, ſcabbs, plurifies, and the kings-evil; and all other infections of the State, or any member thereof.


Run my man Ian, fetch me de Viol Cure de head of Madam le Parlament; Diſeaſe be predominant; muſt5 vomit up all; begar me will fetch up all preſant? de wombe con­tain all de malignant humour, devil and all; ſwell, ſwell, a pox all de Treaſon and Villany, begar ſhe ſhall diſgorge all: Foh, foh, foh; mafoy, ſhe ſtink all de World over: Run my man Ian, in the Shamber, bring de〈◊〉, de purge, de plaiſter, de in­ſtrument; begar me diſſect her, me open all her villany leaſt ſhe infect all de World with plague, peſtilence, war, famine, dearth, heavy judgment; Sin be de grand Cauſe, Hereſie, Ido­latry, Sacriledge, Covetouſneſſe, Perjury, Oppreſſion, Cruelty, Murder, be de reaſon to mine all de Land; hang up Cromwel, hang up Ireton, hang up Bradſhaw, hang up Cooke, Harriſon, &c. Begar, all Rogue, all Shack-nape, Shark-dogge, be de father of her deſtruction, kill de King, rob de Shurch, wrong de People, Pill, Poll, Seſs, Exciſe; begar, be all their Trade, nothing but Rob, Steal, Theive: all Knave, all Knave, no honeſt, ne Religi­on, ne Juſtice, ne Truth, ne Love, ne Sharity, all be bad, bad, bad, baſe begar, very baſe; Me try one, two, three Potion for recover her health, me make her spur; begar, her ſpur nothing but blood; me give her a Purgs, begar, her ſhite yellow as Gold; Foh, foh, foh, me give her another ſtool, begar, her ſhite Silver; give her another Pill, ſquitter, ſquitter, ſquitter, free-quarter, ex­ciſe,〈◊〉, ſeſſement, nothing but ſlavery: Me bid her ſpeak, begar her ſpeak nothing but de Lie equivocate, forſwear; ne ſaith, ne belief at all; me think her do as her ſay, begar, her do nothing but deceive; her tell me of Liberty, her mean Slavery, bondager cheat, theive, lie, deceive, fy, fy, fy! Me tell her that her be very ſick, bid her pray, her pray to de God of dis World, de Devil: begar, her have all the tricks of de baſe Whore, me ſquirt phy­ſic in her Breech, begar, ſhe let her tayſe flie in mine face; Me tell her what is good for her health to Cure her, her ſend de Purſuivant vvith Warrant ſeal with bees-turd, her ſend de File of Musketeer, lay me faſt by de heel in Newgate, me Petition, petition, petition, one, two, dree, four month, her ne hear, ne conſider, ne ſharity, baſe, baſe, baſe, nothing but lie; Mafoy vous〈◊〉Larron, grand Rebelle Anglatear, Traytor, Tyrant, Deif Diſſembler, Eypocrit, Shanging; ne peace, ne quiet, ne Reli­gion, ne Law; begar, not ſo much grace as will ſerve for prologuto roaſted Turnip, be baggage-ſhade, biſh-whore, wit••…, ſor­ceror,6 I••zabl, ſtave de poor people,e made,〈◊〉tr••e, worſe and worſe, and none; rich but〈◊〉; begar, have ally Goods, dy Goods, Kings Goods, Queens Goods,ouſe, Land, Shurch, all, all, all, be ſtill coetous more and more; Me can no live, come to mine houſe, take mine money,••ke mine horſe vorde States vat Statea po•…of dat State; one, two, dree, vouRogues be de State, de Commons of England; begar, be Com­mon cheat, thief, pick-pocket; Why Ian Capon, where be de In­ſtrument? begar, me will rip up her bowel, ſhew you all her garbage of iniquity; do make God do wat ſhe liſt; do makehak-fool of de Common; pretend one ding, do anoder Why Ian Capon, Where is Ian Capon there?

Enter John Capon with Inſtruments.

Now Ian Capon, where have you been ſo long?


O Maſter! I have been a hearing News; I met with them addeſt blade that ever you knew; I asked him, What News from Weſtminſter?


Wat did he ſay?


Why a ſaid they were all Knaves; nay worſe, I dare not ſpeak the words I heard him ſay, for fear of Reaſon.


Treaſon thou wouldſt ſay.


I ſay Reaſon Maſter; What is Reaſon with other then, is Treaſon with them; the 7 deadly ſins are become their Vertues and all the Ancient modern vertues, whether Moral or Divine, are become their vices; the Divil's turn'd looſe, and all is topſie-turvy; there be them now, that can preach, cry, and turn up their eyes with ſuch pretended Devotion and Sanctity, that the very Elect themſelves ſtagger in their judgments; they make no more with diſſembling with God himſelf, lying, cozen­ing, and cheating one another, then I do to ſell Antiables, 'tis but a folly to ſeek to cure her; for there is no hopes, God hath given her over, the prince of the Aire rules her, and reaches her all Evill, Rebellion, Murder, Robbery, and the like; hell's broke looſe with her; nay, the Devil is ſo powerful in her, that he intends to deſtroy Monarchy all Chriſtendom over, and pre­tend Liberty; liberty to bring filly ones into bondage and slavery, and tye, and bind them faſt unto them with the Chains of their own Sins, that ſo they may bring in Confuſion, till all becomes7 a Chaos, and fire•…s own Frame, or Neſt, as it has formerly deſtroyed others; and then they will run to the hills, and wiſh them to fall on them, to hide them from vengeance, but all in vain: Bradſhaw then will be deceived; Cromwel at a loſs; Fair­fax rue his former ſimplicity; and Cook roaſt himſelf without any CHARGE of the Commons of England: Can your Wills be Laws then? what prerogative? what power? what common­right, liberty, or juſtice can be expected then? what peace of the people, when they have turned all the Land into a conſuming malignant flame about their own eares; Now Iack Cook, what ſaieſt thou to this? this may be thought a Fable; Bradſhaw, this will one day make a greater noiſe then thy Drum in Grayes-Inn to waken your ſeared Conſcience; then Cromwel, how ſoon will thy Noſe be conſumed, when the fire is in't already? and how juſt will it be, that it ſhould burn thee downwards, as far as thy rotten diſſembling heart; when thou haſt unheaded thy King, and deſtroyed that Scepter held in the hand of God: pri­thee, who ſhall anſwer for all the Treaſons, Murders, Rapines, Burnings, Spoyles, Deſolations, Dammage and miſchief of this Nation then? CHARLS STUART, or Noll Crumwell and his Agents; the Evill Counſellors, or the treacherous Eſtates? Who muſt anſwer for all and every the Premiſes then? there needs none to cry juſtice, juſtice, there; no falſe Witneſſes need to be hired; no proceedings, examinations; all will be laid as open as the Sun; and you muſt expect (without your ſudden and true Repentance) no better Judgement, nor Sentence, but Go ye cur­ſed Hypocrites into everlaſting Flames, prepared for the firſt Rebel, and all his Angels.


Ian Capon my man, make no more Sermons, but truſs up de Antidotes; begar, me have no Cure, de Diſeaſe be deſperate, wicked, abominable; Me go to France agaen; for­warn mine own Countree; this be dying Nation, loſt, loſt, be­gar utterly loſt, lie in a deep Lethargy, be uncapable of her own good or recovery: Farewel, farewel, me have no more to do here: Truſs up Ian Capon, truſs up de Inſtrument, de Playſter, preſant.


As ſoon as you will Maſter, for methinks I ſmell fire and brimſtone already, lets away for heavens ſake; From the Devil and the Round-head, Good Lord deliver us.

〈1 page duplicate〉
〈1 page duplicate〉

Aloon; aloon; a pox de Devil is here, me po longer ſtay, me take no Money here to day.

Iohn Capons EPILOGUE, and laſt Farewell to the perfidiousJUNCTO.
FArewel dull Commons, for evermore farewel,
I cannot ſtay; theſe have made England hell:
I am in torments, whilſt I here do ſtay
'Mongſt thoſe whoſe luſt doth bear the greateſt ſway.
May pox and plague, and Egypts Furyes ceaſe
On all their bodies, and ſome worſe diſeaſe
Hunt their red Souls, and their high pride fling down,
That murder'd Charles, and trampl'd on his Crown,
May agues, aches, gowts, and burning-ſeavers
Conſume their members, and do their endeavours
To rot their fleſh, till blaynes and ſores grow in't,
That they may ſpend all their wives Smocks in lint;
Let no Phyſition, or learned Doctor ſpend
A Pill, but what may ſend them to their end:
May all their Acts (like Almanacks out of date)
Find no ſooner Birth, but ſudden Fate;
Furniſh the Privies, or Tobacco light,
To ſave the peoples fingers when they S
Serving for Plaiſters to lay o're their ſores;
Eate through their fleſh, and glue up all their pores:
Some new diſeaſe, that breeds good ſtore of Lice;
Devour their bodies; may their bones make Dice,
For their own Children, to Game away their M••n,
And the Re-mainder let them ſpend on Queans
And when they begge their bread from door to door.
Meet with that Charity, themſelves have to the poor:
And when they die, 'cauſe they were never true,
Pray God forſake them; Devil claim thy due.
Your Friend and Serv•••, John Capon, Doctor of Phyſick.

About this transcription

TextThe disease of the House: or, the state mountebanck: administring physick to a sick Parliament.
Extent Approx. 17 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 6 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images.
SeriesEarly English books online.
Additional notes

(EEBO-TCP ; phase 2, no. A81546)

Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 116317)

Images scanned from microfilm: (Thomason Tracts ; 88:E571[12])

About the source text

Bibliographic informationThe disease of the House: or, the state mountebanck: administring physick to a sick Parliament. 8 p. Printed for the health, of the Common-wealth,Nod-nol [i.e. London] :1649.. (A political satire in the form of a play.) (Annotation on Thomason copy: "Aug. 21".) (Reproduction of the original in the British Library.)
  • England and Wales. -- Parliament -- Humor -- Early works to 1800.
  • Satire, English -- 17th Century.
  • Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 1642-1649 -- Humor -- Early works to 1800.

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  • Text Creation Partnership,
ImprintAnn Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2011-04 (EEBO-TCP Phase 2).
  • DLPS A81546
  • STC Wing D1667
  • STC Thomason E571_12
  • STC ESTC R204633
  • EEBO-CITATION 99864098
  • PROQUEST 99864098
  • VID 116317

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