THE SINNER'S TEARS
The Entrance to the Work.
THere is no man but naturally deſireth Happineſs, even thoſe unhappy ones that leaſt endeavour for it, have oftentimes an earneſt longing to it; there can be no true Happineſs without Peace, no true Peace without Holineſs, without offering violence to our corrupt affections, without ranſaking our ſoules and ſearching out the very ſecrets of our Sinfull hearts: the wordling may be outwardly merry, but none but the ſons of ſorrow can be inwardly contented; that outward Joy may delight for a ſeaſon, but this inward Peace remaineth for ever.
Peace is the richeſt Jewell in a Chriſtians Cabinet, the choiſeſt Legacy that Chriſt bequeathed to his choſen ones; in it there is a complication of all Bleſſings, and without it an expectation of all Miſeries; there is no attaining to it, but by the ſearch of him who is the giver of it, there is no following this ſearch, but by that path which leadeth to the ready way, and there is but one guide that can direct2 us unto that path: Bleſſed God, there is no way unto thee but by thee, thou art life, and thou art the way to that life, and thou art the guide to that way, thou Lord art all in all unto me, and therefore, ſhalt be now and ever praiſed by me.
In all awfull reverence to thy ſacred Majeſtie, in fear and trembling at the ſight of thy ſevere Juſtice to impenitent ſinners, in ſerious apprehenſion of thy ſweet mercy in forbearing me a miſerable wretch, and with unfeigned forrow and humilitie of heart for grieving thy good Spirit, I here dedicate the ſhort remainer of my ſinfull dayes to thy ſervice; In thy name, and in thy fear, I begin my diſcourſe, who art the God of peace, by whoſe holy Spirit I am guided to this happy ſearch: Lord, lead mee in it by the ſame Spirit, that I may become an inſtrument of glory unto thee, of happineſs to thine, of reſt to mine own ſoul.
CHAP. I. Upon the conſideration of our ſinfull thoughts touching the Sacred Deitie, with holy cautions to order our Devotions aright.
WHen I ſeriouſly conſider what thou art (the leaſt glimps of whoſe eternall glory I can no way ſee but by conceiving what thou art not) when I look upon the vaſt diſtance between thee the bleſſed Creator, and mee thy ſinfull Creature, I cannot but wonder at thy great patience, at thy rich goodneſs, at thine endleſs mercy towards mee.
3My whole life from my nativitie hath been a continued courſe of ſinfulneſs againſt thee, mine actions highly rebellious, my thoughts finfully wicked, even the very beſt of them a dark, confuſed, indigeſted heap of miſconceivings of thy ſacred Majeſtie.
Thou (Lord) art an Eſſence moſt glorious, moſt inconceivable, eternallie injoying Bleſſedneſs in the fruition of thy ſelf; thy Centre is every where, thy Circumference no where; thou admitteſt not of Augmentation, nor of Diminution; no length of time is b•yond thee, no depth of wiſdome beneath thee, no height of glory above thee, no bredth of mercy beſide thee: Thou a•t•o Lord a moſt pure, ſimple, and eternall beeing; Pure without matter, without form; Simple without mixture, without compoſition; Eternall, without beginning, without end: no Created being can expreſs thee, no imagination conceive thee, no underſtanding utter thee: when I think of thee as thou art, the bright beames of thy glory amaze mee; when I conceive of thee what thou art not, the terrors of mine own heart affright mee; even but the Leaſt thought of this kind is impious, ſeeing that hereby I do not onely rob thee of thy glory, but even deprive thee of thy ſelf: and yet Lord, as thy being is moſt high, ſo is the ſearch thereof moſt neceſſary, becauſe from it (as from the bleſſed fountain) I enjoy my preſent, I exſpect my future happineſs; and unto it with joy of heart, and earneſtneſs of ſoul, I deſire ſhould run the current of my praiſes in this life, of my Allelujaes in that to come.
When I find (therefore) any Corporall parts appropriated to the Divine nature, I there ſee thee gratiouſly deſcending to the weakneſs of4 my frail and infirm nature, and ever bleſs thy holy name that vouchſafeſt to declare thy ſelf, not as thou art, but as I am: Thine Eye (Lord) is thy Wiſdom, thy Right hand thy Power, thy ſitting thine Immutability, thy Standing thy Fortitude, thine Anger thy Juſtice in puniſhing, thy Repentance thy Mercy in pardoning, thy Hatred of ſin thy Holineſs, thy grieving thy Loving kindneſs, thy Patience and long ſuffering thy Goodneſs; all are thy ſelf.
Neither is it enough for me to conſider the Divine nature in Unitie of Eſſence, unleſs I go yet further and find a Trinity of Perſons; to be curious in this ſearch is dangerous, to be careleſs damnable; nothing may be here ſafely ſeen, but what is gratiouſly revealed: Lord no man can ſee thee as thou art in thy ſelf, ſuffer mee therefore to ſee thee as thou art unto us, that I may know thee, and love thee, and delight in thee, and be for ever known and loved of thee.
If there were not an eternity of being, then it may be truly ſaid that not being was before being, and ſo that being had its riſe from-not being, by cauſing it ſelf to be when it was not; So ſhould Privation which was eternally evill, produce that glorious being which is eternally good: Seeing this cannot be, it will hence follow, that being was from all eternity, and that this being was eternally Good; for that which was good in the effect, muſt needs be far more eminently good in the cauſe. That this eternall good being muſt be alſo infinite, becauſe eternity it ſelf is infinite; That this infinite eternall good being, muſt be of infinite power, to continue infinitely; That this infinite power muſt alſo bee of infinite underſtanding, to ſupport and preſerve this eternall5 infintie good beeing; and this infinite underſtanding is God.
Where there is an infinite underſtanding, there muſt alſo be an infinite object to be underſtood, els could it not be inſinitely active, and ſo ſhould both eternity and infinitie ſuffer diminution and become defective, which were for them both to be and not to be, which is impoſſible; and ſeeing there can be no object infinite out of God; therefore this eternall infinite and ever-bleſſed object, muſt of neceſſity be God.
Where there is an infinite underſtanding, and an infinite object to be underſtood, there cannot chooſe but be an infinite and eternall love; for from this infinite Underſtanding of this infinitely amiable and for ever bleſſed object, there muſt needs proceed an infinite delight, whereby it infinitely injoyeth its own excellency, and eternally reflecteth on the beauty of its own perfection; els this infinite eternall underſtanding ſhould want power to enjoy this infinitely aimiable object, and ſo ſhould be neither good, infinite, nor eternall; and this infinite and eternall love is God.
Now becauſe this Underſtanding, Object, and Love are all infinite, and that whatſoever is infinite muſt of neceſſity be God; it will from thence truly and undoubtedly follow, that this underſtanding is God, this Object God, and this Love God. And becauſe it is as equally impoſſible that there can be any more than one infinite, therefore it will as aſſuredly follow that theſe three are one, three in Exiſtence, one in Eſſence, three in Order, one in Eternity; three perſons, one eternall, infinite, glorious, incomprehenſible, wiſe God; to whom be glory for ever. Amen.
6This is that bleſſed Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, that ineffable, moſt myſterious Trinity in Unity, eternally injoying bleſſedneſs in its own Eſſence; This is that bleſſed inter-union of that ever bleſſed Spirit, that moſt unſpeakable, immutable, incomprehenſible fruition of eternall joy, at which the bleſſed Angells ſtand amazed, in which the bleſſed Saints ſhall ſweetly reſt themſelves for ever.
All this, and infinitely more than this, thou art Lord in thy ſelf, thy Wiſdom, Juſtice, Mercy, Truth, Power, Holineſs, and whatſoever other Attributes thou art pleas'd to take unto thy Divine Eſſence, are unto thee one, although unto us divers; and thou art therefore pleaſed diverſly to manifeſt thy ſelf unto us, becauſe we cannot otherwiſe conceive thy being, than according to thine outward working; thy diſtinct operations are unto us the divers Indications of thine eternall, undivided, and for ever bleſſed eſſence.
And now Lord, who can ſee thee thus and live? I have hitherto ſeen nothing but deſtruction to my body, amazement to my ſoul: In thine Eſſence there is light inacceſſible, unto which no mortall eye can approach; in thine attributes terror unutterable, from which no mortall man can eſcape: Thy wiſdom trying my corrupt heart, and ſcoarching my ſinfull reines; Thy Juſtice moſt ſevere, fearfull in the pronunciation, dreadfull in the execution; Thy truth admitteth of no alteration; no Judgement pronounced but preciſely fullfilled; Heaven and Earth ſhall paſs away, but not one tittle of thy ſacred word; Thy Holineſs is ſuch, that even the bleſſed Angells are impute in thy ſight; what then ſhall become of me a miſerable wretch, the thoughts of whoſe heart are only evill, and that7 continually? were it not for thy rich mercy, I were loſt for ever; by this alone I am for ever reconcil•d unto thee, and ſhall eternally be bleſſed with thee.
I can here with joy unſpeakable and glorious, behold thee my loving Father affectionately imbracing me in Chriſt from all eternity, by the ſweet working of thy holy Spirit; this is that truly-bleſſed viſion of the ſacred and myſterious Trinity in this life of Grace, that will for ever make me truly happy in that of Glory. Lord, if I find thee not Three in One to my ſoul's comfort in this life, I ſhall never be found of thee to be bleſſed in thee in that to come.
Without thy Power it had not been decreed, without thy Wiſdom it had never been acted, without thy Love it had never been ſiniſhed: Here in a ſevere Judge I joyfully behold a mercifull Redeemer; In a glorious Divinity a true Humanity, united to the Deity, not mixed with it; Before I had three Perſons in one Eſſence, here I have two Natures in one Perſon, God and Man, one Chriſt, in whom, and by whom, I have a joyfull intereſt and undoubted union in the Godhead. Here is the Father promiſing, the Son performing, the Holy Spirit confirming. This is alone that bleſſed ſight of God, that bringeth reſt and quietneſs to my weary ſoul: To know him to be my God, to have ſuffered for my ſin, and riſen again for my Juſtification. To find him ſupporting, ſuſtaining me in my infirmaties, relieving my wants, chaſtiſing my errors, revenging my wrongs, repairing my breaches, directing my wayes, protecting my perſon; wounding, rending, breaking my obdurate heart; creating in me a clean heart, and renewing a right Spirit within me; bemoaning,8 bewailing mine iniquities; inviting, nay compelling me to mercy and forgiveneſs.
Seeing now, O my Soul, that Gods being in himſelf is incomprehenſible; and his Love in Chriſt unutterable; with what Filial fear ſhouldſt thou think of him, with what awfulneſs name him, with what reverence and preparedneſs pray unto him, with what heat of affection love him, with what carefulneſs and conſcience fear to offend him, with what cheerfulneſs and holy diligence devote thy ſervice to him?
Bleſſed Lord,
Seeing that I am utterly unable of my ſelf to comprehend thee, O let me be graciouſly comprehended of thee, that corruption may be ſwallowed up of immortality, and humane frailty of eternall glory.
As thou haſt given me an underſtanding in part to know thee, ſo give me alſo affections intirely to love thee, and fixed reſolutions to adhere unto thee; that as thou art truly and eternally one in thine Eſſence, and yet diſtinctly three in thy Perſons; ſo I may be truly and entirely one in my obedience, although diſtinctly three in my faculties; that all may be but one, and that a pleaſing ſacrifice of praiſes unto thee, of profit unto others, of comfort to my ſelf.
Forgive my miſconceivings of thy ſacred Eſſence, my raſh approaches to thy heavenly preſence, my cold, careleſs, irreligious thoughts, diſtracted words, undeſent actions. Lord, I am ſailing on the ſtormy ſea of ignorance and miſery, O be thou my ſure Pilot to direct me, my ſweet calm to refreſh me, my ſafe harbour to receive me; for of thee, and through thee, and to thee, are all things, to thee be glory for ever. Amen.
CHAP. 2. Upon the conſideration of Gods Love, and mans Unthankfulneſs. A Meditation ſuited to the Morning.
Bleſſed God,
WHen I conſider of the richneſs, of the largeneſs, of the conſtancy of thy love to man, of mans vileneſs and untowardneſs unto thee his God, I ſtand amazed at thy goodneſs, and mine own unthankfulneſs. How great, and invaluable a bleſſinge do I enjoy in being made partaker of the glorious light of this preſent day? how vile and unworthy am I that receive it? how great and glorious art thou that giveſt it? Thou, O Lord, art light inacceſſible, unto which no mortall eye can approach; before whoſe glorious Majeſty the bleſſed Angels ſtand amazed; and I am duſt and aſhes, yea worſe, Lord, (for duſt was thy creation, and therefore in its entity was good) before I was duſt I was not at all: This not being, by thee became a being, this being beautifull, this beauty immortall; and without thee this happy being is again become far worſe than not to be.
What can be more vain, more empty than nothing? ah wo is me, I am now become far worſe than nothing; thou madſt me all goodneſs, and that goodneſs might have made me all bleſſedneſs; but I have made my ſelf all ſin, and this ſin hath made me all miſery; there was darkneſs in not being, but that darkneſs was incapable, there is greater darkneſs in being ill; for this darkneſs is moſt capable of the privation of all light of comfort in this life, of the fruition of10 the blackneſs of darkneſs in hell for ever.
This, Lord, was my condition in nature, and without thy gracious help muſt have been ſo for ever. Let me now ſee what my condition is by Grace, by which I enjoy not only the light of nature (without which my life would prove uncomfortable) but allſo a ſweet and ſafe aſſurance, that thou wilt by this happy light conduct me ſafely to the bleſſed light of Glory.
Bleſſed Lord, I can now look no way but to happineſs, I now find a true ſweetneſs and compoſedneſs of ſoul, a conſtant and courageous ſetledneſs of heart, even in the very heighth of all the diſturbances of Nature, of all the inundations of Sin, of all the fluctuations of Sorrow, of all the Machinations of Satan: from the ſweet fountain of thy mercy, ariſe thoſe pretious ſtreames of Conſolation, which aboundantly relieve mee in this barren wilderneſs.
I find indeed a law in my members, continually rebelling againſt the law of my mind, but I find alſo thy grace to bee ſufficient for mee, by which I am victorious here, and ſhallbe triumphant hereafter: Satan may ſtrive to winnow mee like wheat, but this ſhall make mee the purer for thy Granary. I now find a totall and a bleſſed change of the whole man; mine affections which formerly were captivated unto ſin, intirely devoted to thy ſervice; my love with holy David wonderfull to thy law, my hatred perfect againſt ſin, my deſire eager for thy preſence, my fear aſtoniſhing in thine abſence, my delight in thy promiſes raviſhing, my joy in thy performances triumphing.
By theſe rich indowments of thine I am wrapt up above the reach of humane miſery; all vain and empty deſires of the beſotting pleaſures of11 this life appear truly as they are, but thornes and bryars, to diſturb the growth of my felicity; how ſweet is their loſs for thy gain? how eaſily, how willingly, how joyfully, how thankfully, are all theſe foggy miſts of ignorance and error happily diſperſt, by the bright rayes of my enſuing glory.
Beſide theſe fawning enemies of Peace which flatter to unquietneſs, I am now able to incounter with thoſe other which affright the ſoul even in their firſt appearance, and are able to deject the carnall man even to aſtoniſhment, and utterly to expoſe him to the tyranny of ſin, and torture of puniſhment: ſuch Lord is the vaſt difference between the bleſſed ones of thy fold, and thoſe unhappy ones which ſtray from thee into the ſtrange paſtures of impiety.
No ſorrow can ſurprize mee but for ſin, and even this too thou makeſt to increaſe my joy: what affliction can be evil which is thy phyſick who art the fountain of all good? if it be grievous in the taſt, it is joyous in the effects; If I mark the happy cloſe, I muſt with joy confeſs, that theſe bitter ſtorms wil end in bleſſed calms, will bring to my remembrance thoſe grievous ſinns that brought my Saviour to thoſe bitter groanes, will force mee from the ſorrowes of this life, to my Celeſtiall harbour, will bring mee on my knees to ſee mine own vildneſs, will inrich mee with the graces of humilitie, and patience, and together with them the ſweet injoyments of thy bleſſed Spirit; and if ſo, how can I complain of want, when in ſtead of earth I enjoy heaven?
Lord, what can he fear that is aſſured of thy favour? afflictions, tribulations, croſſes, ſinns, Satan, Death, hell it ſelf ſhall work to mine advantage: as my croſs is more grievous, my crown12 ſhall be more glorious; where ſin and Satan have been moſt prevailing, there Grace and Goodneſs ſhallbe more triumphing. How truly ſweet Lord is the inviolable peace of thy ſaints? who powerfully compelleſt even the very rage of earth and hell to work to their advantage. Lord ſanctifie the trialls of this life unto my ſinfull ſoul, that by my patient ſufferings with my Saviour here, I may have peace with him and by him hereafter.
I have hitherto looked on mine inward happineſs; if I now caſt mine eyes upon mine outward, I ſhall there ſee that all theſe outward bleſſings allſo are moſt peculiarly belonging to the Saints; the wicked ones of the world are robbers, and ſhall one day give an account of their theft; children, friends, ſtrangers, even our very enemies, are protected, preſerved, inriched, bleſſed for our ſakes; ſo was Joſeph and his brethren for Jacob, Zoar for Lot, Potipher for Joſeph, the Centurion and ſouldiers for St Paul: And if thou (Lord) wilt look ſo lovingly upon the children of this world for thine elect ſake, how gratiouſly wilt thou one day look upon thoſe ſonnes that ſhall be made partakers of thine own inheritance?
Who would not now bee holy? ſeeing that in this bleſſed condition, there is not only ſafety inviolable, but peace untterable, ſafety in life, and ſweetneſs in death.
And now Lord, when I enquire for what cauſe thou giveſt me all this, I find nothing but thy meer love unto me; when I ask what thou requireſt for all this, I hear thee demand no thing but the return of love: what is more eaſy, what more ſweet than love? and what object more aimable than that glorious being that is the13 perfection of al love, & that love the beauty of al perfection? Thou canſt not give Lord what thou haſt not, the glory of thy creation is but a glimps of that grater glory of thine eſſence; Lord who can deny thee Love? how ſweet is this yoak, how light this burden! when I love thee I enjoy thee, and my ſelf in thee, I poſſeſs thee, I reſt in thee for ever. O my God, all that thou giveſt mee, all that thou requireſt of mee, is to make mee happy, to thee be glory for ever. Amen.
Bleſſed Lord,
All this I joyfully confeſs thou haſt done for mee, and yet the whole courſe of my corrupt life hath been nothing elce but a continued Rebellion againſt thee: mine Eyes full of Adultery, my tongue of Corrupt communication, my hands of oppreſſion, mine eares open to iniquity, my heart full of hypocricy, my feet Lame in thy paths, and ſwift to walk in the wayes of ſinners, my whole man nothing elce but the very body of death and deſtruction.
I have ſinned againſt precepts, againſt promiſes, againſt mercies, againſt judgments, againſt the checks of mine own conſcience, and the bleſſed motions of thy holy Spirit; I have even tempted my temptations, by making daily and hourely proviſions for ſin; and have been ſo farr from ſorrowing for all this, that I have reſolved to continue yet ſtill. And yet ſo great is thy compaſſion towards mee, that ſtill thou ſtoreſt up new mercies for mee.
Lord, I bewail my weakneſs, I lament my willfulneſs, I abhorr my filthineſs; I heartily deſire, and earneſtly endeavour to unrip my ſoul, to ranſack my heart, to unlock the very ſecrets of my thoughts, that I may have all my ſins continually14 before mee, even in their worſt appearances; and I may loath them and leave them, and obtain thy gratious pardon for them.
I confeſſe, Lord, that I am utterly unworthy to enjoy this bleſſed light, which I have ſo much abuſed to thy great diſhonour; much more the light of Grace, by which thou leadeſt me to that of Glory; and that it were more juſt with thee, for ever to deprive me of theſe happy lights, and to expoſe me to the terrours of eternall darkneſſe:
Lord, I have finned, and cannot chuſe but ſin; I am a great and grievous ſinner, and yet I am thy child; have pity upon me, have pity upon me, for I am in miſery: into the boſome of thy tender love I thruſt my ſinfull ſoul for ſafety and protection.
O let not thy juſtice triumph in my ruine, but thy mercy in my deliverance, ſo ſhalt thou have the glory, and I the ſweetneſſe of mine eternall happineſſe.
Hear me, O Lord, and help me, for thy name ſake, for thy promiſe ſake, for thy Sons ſake. Amen.
CHAP. 3. Vpon the conſideration of Divine Providence. A Meditation for Noon.
Bleſſed God,
WIthout thy holy providence no creature can ſubſiſt, by thine Allmighty power they were created out of nothing, and if thou ſhouldſt not ſuſtain them, they15 muſt needs return to nothing: how wiſely, how wonderfully doeſt thou guide and govern theſe inferiour creatures? All things are at once diſpoſed of by thee, and move ſucceſſively to their appointed ends: but above all, how gratiouſly haſt thou provided for the good of man? what varieties of food, how ſecretly, how ſweetly diſpoſed it to ſuſtentation? No creature can be nouriſhing without thee, and with thee I enjoy not onely nutriment, but delectation: how ſweet is this thy goodneſſe to my body? how much more ſweet thy mercy to my ſoul? and if thy temporall refreſhments are ſo good, how raviſhing is that celeſtiall food, with which thy Saints and Angels are delighted?
Lord, how undeſerving am I of theſe thy many favours? Thou giveſt rain to the earth, and it becometh fruitfull; thou loadeſt me daily with thy bleſſings, and loe I am unthank•••even thoſe creatures that are inſenſible, are daily nouriſht into augmentation, and man alone, whom thou haſt made to live for ever, contents himſelf with daily diminution.
This wofully appears by my deadneſs and dulneſs in my Chriſtian calling, by my back wardneſs to Holy Duties, by my careleſneſſe and coldneſſe in prayer, wearineſſe in reading, irkomeneſſe in meditation, by my faint Hope, ſick Faith, luke-warm Love, frozen Charity, lame Patience, languiſhing Zeal, and all thoſe other viſible decayes of Goodneſs, which are none other than the very ſymptomes of a dying ſoul.
Ah now, Lord, how miſerably deformed muſt I needs appear in thy fight, that am thus ugly in mine own! Thou that hadſt compaſſion on me when I was in my blood, and then ſaidſt unto me, Live; that haſt waſhed me clean from16 ſin and pollution, and eſpouſed me into thine own bolom, wilt thou allſo love me in death? Wilt thou court me in the grave? How juſtly mighteſt thou for ever leave me to mine own ruin, that can ſo eaſily, ſo willingly forſake thee, for the pleaſures of ſin; and yet how ſweetly, how affectionately doeſt thou order all things for me? Even my very ſins invite me to a more happy, to a nearer Union with thee.
To thee therefore, O my God, the life of my life, the very being, and aſſured comfort of my ſinfull ſoul, and wretched body, do I addreſs my ſelf for mercy and forgiveneſs.
I confeſs my ſelf unworthy of thy gracious providence in ſuſtaining this frail and infirm body, much more unworthy (O Lord) of thine unſpeakable love, in reviving, relieving, imbracing my deformed ſoul.
Bleſſed Lord, who am I of whom thou art thus tenderly compaſſionate? When I was in the womb I was defiled with ſin, when I came out of it I was covered with ſhame; the World bewitched me, the Fleſh beſotted me, the Devill beguiled me.
Lord, when no eye pittied me, then thou badſt mercy on me; and now at laſt when I am run from thee, when I have adulterated my firſt Love, when I am become poor and wretched, and miſerable, and blind, and naked, thou freely forgiveſt me, thou calleſt me thy fair one, and giveſt me thy love.
O my God, I admire thy Goodneſs, I deplore and abhor mine own wretchedneſs; O let the ſweetneſs of thy love in Chriſt, inflame the dying sparks of my benummed ſoul to praiſe thee without ceaſing.
17Expatiatc my narrow thoughts, with day'y contemplation of my heavenly home, with joyfull expectation of the ſweet fruition of Eternity; O give me ſuch a bleſsed raptaſie of ſoul, that I may live above the reach of humane miſery, and reign with thee hereafter in immortall glory.
CHAP. 4. Upon the conſideration of the ſinfulneſs, ſhortneſs, and uncertaintie of life. A Meditation ſuited to the Evening.
Lord,
WHen I call to mind how many daies have paſt me without bending of a knee, how many nights I have gone prayerleſs to bed, I may well wonder that I am this hour alive to ſpeak unto thee: I have been too unmindfull of thy holy providence, and am therefore utterly unworthy of thy mercifull protection: Few, and full of evill have my dayes been in the houſe of my pilgrimage, I know not how ſoon I may goe hence, and yet I ſtill live as if I knew not why I came hither.
I am many wayes invited to my heavenly home; how ſweetly doeſt thou wean from the miſeries of life, by the bleſſedneſs of death! By this Evenings reſt of my body I am put in mind of that eternall reſt of my ſoul: This dayes ending tells me that the end of all things is at hand, that the faſhion of this world paſseth, and that all things ſhall become new: As18 this hour is the Evening to this day, ſo this day (for ought I know) may be the Evening to my whole life; I cannot challenge to my ſelf one minute more; how vain am I to promiſe dayes and years? Lord, in the whole current of thy Sacred Story I find but onely one, that durſt preſume upon ſo large a reckoning, and him thou brandeſt with the name of Fool: Let his folly (Lord) be my inſtruction, ſo ſhall I account each day my laſt, and neither care to live, nor fear to dye.
How many have been ſnacht out of this life, how ſuddenly, and to mans eye how fearfully? How unſpeakable is thy mercy unto me to ſpare me for repentonce? how often and how earneſtly haſt thou invited me to mercy how coldly and how careleſly have I refuſed theſe thy gracious offers? ſtill I ſin, and ſtill thou forgiveſt, and (which is the height of my impiety) I therefore am more and more evill againſt thee, becauſe thou art more and more gracious unto me; and it were now moſt juſt with thee, even this very moment, to put a period to my ſinfull life.
Lord, Let this teach me to improve the ſhort remnant of my dayes to thy ſervice, and that I may endeavour ſo to doe, I will preſcribe my ſelf theſe following rules.
Each evening ſhall take a ſtrict account of that dayes traffique for my ſoul, and where I find my ſelf a loſer, I will labour for ſupply. When I awake, my firſt thoughts ſhall begin with thee, from whom I have my firſt being: Nothing will more truly repreſent me to my ſelf, than the firſt view of mine affections; if my firſt thoughts be ſeaſoned with grace, my following actions will ſavour of goodneſs. My19 care ſhall be more to dreſs my ſoul, than to trim my body; I will think no pains too great, no ornaments too rich to make her beautifull. One devout ſigh from a contrite heart, is of more worth (in thy ſight) than an hours task of Lip-devotion. My affections are the ſoul of my words, without which, I ſpeak onely, but pray not: when my prayers are cold, my hopes may well be comfortleſs. My ſet hours for Devotion ſhall be conſtant; no pretence of nature ſhall debar me of this happineſs: The Lovers eyes are often glancing on the pleaſing object that delights him; if my affections be ſincere, my looks will be amorous, I ſhall often ſteal a ſweet Ejaculation to ſatisfie the longing of my Love-ſick ſoul. When I can thus bring the day to an end, my life will be comfortable, my death happy, and I may then ſay with holy David, that I will lay me down in peace, and take my reſt, for it is thou Lord onely that makeſt me dwel in ſafety.
Bleſſed Lord, in the morning of my Creation thou gaveſt me unto my ſelf, in the evening of my Redemption thou gaveſt thy ſelf unto me: My Creation was wonderfull, my Redemption aſtoniſhing. As this dayes light is obſcured for the reſt of my body, ſo wert thou the blefied and eternall Light for the reſt of my ſoul. Thou, O bleſſed Saviour, art my light to direct me, my heat to comfort me, my ſweet and ſafe repoſe eternally to refreſh me.
Gracious God,
With humble and dejected heart I ask forgiveneſs of the many failings of my ſinfud life paſt, recall my ſinfull thoughts to my remembrance: Lord, as the burthen of them is20 intollerable, ſo let my grief for them be unutterable.
Lord, open mine eyes that I may ſee the foulnes, and the filthineſs of ſin, and apprebend the greatneſs of thy wrath againſt it.
Forgive thoſe actuall ſins which this dayes light hath witneſſed; Lord, give me a godly ſorrow for them, a perfect batred againſt them, a fixed and a conſtant reſolution to forſake them.
Lord, cleanſe me from my ſecret and unknown ſins, and keep me, for thy mercy ſake, that daring and preſumptuous ſins may never have dominion over me.
Make me a carefull Steward of that pretious time which thou haft given me, withdraw my affections from the vain pleaſures of this ſinfull life, and grant that all the dayes of my appointed time I may wait readily and chearfully untill my change ſhall come.
CHAP. 5. Upon our approaching unto Gods Houſe.
Lord,
THere is no mortall man worthy to ſtand at thy door, much leſs to appear in thy preſence; and yet how often have I preſumed to approach unto thee without that preparedneſs of heart, without that dejection of ſoul, without that true and holy reverence that becometh thy child.
I am now going out of Egypt into Canaan, out of Bondage into Freedom: The ſinfull troubles21 of this life are my ſouls Taskmaſters, to load it with a burthen inſupportable, and this is that place of ſacrifiſe, that Mount of God, to eaſe and ſolace it.
Conſider therefore, O my ſoul, in what relation thou now ſtandeſt to thy God: If thou art a true Iſraelite, thou wilt look back upon thy drudgery, and deſpiſe it, and offer up thy ſelf a living ſacrifice with cheerfulneſs, with thankfulneſs of heart. If thou art Gods child, thou wilt love to be in Gods houſe; Long for Gods preſence, thirſt for his favour, delight in his Word, and rejoyce to be often at his Table: Thou wilt make it thy chieſeſt joy to be often in that place, from whence thou mayſt expect thy chiefeſt good.
Lord (by thy grace aſſiſting) I will now uncloath my ſelf of all earthly affections, I will call to mind unto whoſe preſence I approach, and wherefore; that I am going from this Church Militant, to that Triumphant; that thou, Lord, art as truly preſent here in Grace, as there in Glory (unleſs therefore I am in love with miſery) I will leave behind me all earthlymindedneſs, and carry with me a pure heart, and heavenly thoughts, a lowly mind, and reverend geſture. Lord, if I go not cheerfully to thy Throne of Grace, I may well fear I ſhall never go joyfully to that of Glory.
The loweſt room in thy Houſe ſhall content me, Divine Worſhip admitteth not of diſparity of perſons; we are all ſinners, and (as we are in nature) moſt impure in thy ſight, the worſt room in thy Houſe is too good even for the beſt of us, yet decency of place may be taken with modeſty, if not ſought with emulation.
During the time of this holy diſpenſation, I22 will call my thoughts unto a ſtrict attendance; and make it part of my precedent prayer, that I may. Satan is ever moſt buſie, when our intentions are moſt holy; which when he cannot divert, he labours to corrupt, and by this means when I deſire to grow better, I become worſe. How carefull ought I to be to avoyd his cunning, who can couzen me in my beſt actions?
My ſoul ſhall more delight it ſelf with the matter, than my ears with the melody of thy ſacred Notes: Church-muſick will be then truly ſweet unto me, when mine outward joy is ſubſervient to mine inward.
Mans ſinfull weakneſs ſhall not make me ſlight thy holy Ordinance: If my Paſtor have failings, I will pity, and pray for him, but not deſpiſe him. If I look into mine own ſoul, I ſhall there find work enough to repair mine own ruins. This, Lord, ſhall rather move me to extoll thy mercy, in upholding mine own ſteps, to lament the ſadneſs of my Brothers miſery. Lord, let me never think my ſelf better than another, becauſe I know not how ſoon I may become worſe.
I ſhall willingly continue in that Fold where thou haſt placed me, and hope to remain there with comfort, till thou ſhalt lead me out with ſafety. While I am at thy feeding, I am happy; one of thy morſels well digeſted with humility and thankfulneſs, will yeeld me better nouriſhment than that other food of mine own finding. The very meaneſt of thy Miniſters may afford me Patience, and that heavenly Grace, with thy bleſſing to boot, is a great advantage. If I receive thy Sacred Word with cheerfulneſs, with earneſtneſs of heart, my obedience ſhall be accepted, my zeal rewarded.
23While I am within thy walls, I ſhall account that geſture moſt decent that is moſt humble, and thoſe ceremonies moſt neceſſary that are moſt ſuitable to obedience; all matters of Doctrine (which are neceſſary to ſalvation) ought to be guided by thy ſacred Word, which is the onely rule of faith; all matters of Diſcipline, (which are neceſſary onely to obedience) are therefore left to thy Churches care: that as thou art one, ſo thy Church may be one, in that bleſſed union of love; which is the bond of peace.
And now, O Lord, if thou ſhalt call me to a ſtrict account for all my miſdemeanours in thy ſacred Worſhip, with what confuſion of face muſt•needs appear before thee?
How many evill ſuggeſtions, how many idle imaginations, how many ſinfull objects have I often entertained, to divert my thoughts from thy ſervice?
I have too often ſinned in abſenting thy Houſe, but more often and more grievouſly in frequenting it, by coming careleſly and out of cuſtome, by unbeſeeming geſtures, cold prayers, heartleſſe hearing, profane ſcoffing, curious cenſuring, and even in the beſt of my performances, by ſerving thee my God by halves; all this I heartily bewail, and earneſtly deſire thy pardon and forgiveneſſe for it.
Lord, let this daies reſt of my body, bring to my remembrance that eternall reſt of my ſoul; let me not now think mine own thoughts, ſpeak mine own words, doe mine own actions, but come before thee with a ſanctified and humble ſoul, with a wounded and contrite ſpirit.
Repell all evill ſuggeſtions, remove all idle24 imaginations, divert all ſinfull objects; enlighten mine underſtanding, rectify my will, ſtrengthen my memory, ſubdue mine affections, that I may rejoyce in thy love, delight in thy law, long for thy preſence, rely on thy promiſes, thirſt for thy grace, and be for ever bleſſed in thy glory. Amen.
CHAP. 6. Upon our returning from Gods Houſe, and the neglect of private duties.
Lord,
HE that knoweth thee, will undoubtedly delight to ſerve thee; if I call thy Sabbath a delight, my thoughts in this day will be pure, my words gratious, mine actions holy: That ſoul which cannot joyfully familiarize it ſelf with thee in this life, may well be fearfull to be ſeen of thee in that to come.
When I ſeriouſly conſider what a rich favour I enjoy, how great a diſtance I am at from thee my God, how ſweet a mercy thou affordeſt me to ſpeak unto thee, I cannot but confeſſe mine own unworthineſſe, if I regard not what I hear, if I rejoyce not to recall thy bleſſed words to my remembrance.
How dreadfull was that voyce that ſpake in thunder! and how ſevere the words that then were ſpoken! how bleſſed is this ſtill muſick of the Goſpell! and how delightfull to my wounded ſpirit! Lord, let this raiſe my ſoul above the reach of earthly vanities, let this encourage me to heavenly chearfullneſſe in heavenly duties,25 to be joyfull in reading, fervent in prayer, frequent in meditation, conſtant in all: That knowledg wil make wofully wiſe, which teacheth me to know, and not to do thy will: Meditation is the life of Hearing, Practice the life of Meditation, and a ſincere heart the life of Practice.
When I look into my life paſt, I find it to be all ſin; when I conſider of my life preſent, I cannot but confeſſe it to be all ſhame; I am ſtill ſo far from growing better, that I am become much worſe; this is that bleſſed day which concerneth my peace, if I embrace not this happy opportunity, I may juſtly fear theſe gratious offers will be hid for ever from mine eyes: each word that I heard thy day is of weight; if I become not more holy by my heavenly improvements by it, I ſhall certainly become ſinfull by my careleſſe neglecting of it. Thy work, O Lord, will have its end, and this end (either to my happineſſe or ruine) ſhall aſſuredly promote thy glory; there is no vacuity in nature, with thee, the God of nature, there can be none.
Think therefore, O my ſoul, that this daies inſtruction may be thy laſt (as thou hopeſt) for heaven, let it not paſſe thee without ſome profit: Conſider ſeriouſly how many millions of worlds one loſt ſoul would give to be reſtored to thy condition; that to morrow thou mayeſt be as one of them, and then judge how great will be thy folly, how wofull thy miſery; if thou trifleſt with thoſe ſacred counſels which concern thy reſt.
O thou God of infinite compaſſions, look not upon thoſe infinite failings of my ſinfull nature,26 but behold me in the beauty and perfection of thy bleſſed Son.
Teach me, O Lord, to ſee the rebellion of mine own wicked heart, by his perfect obedience, my ſinfulneſſe by his righteouſneſſe, my miſery by his mercy.
Forgive my many and ſinfull compliances of nature, which have made me a ſtranger to thy graces, and mine own happineſſe.
The great neglect of mine obedience unto thy commands, hath juſtly called for the great and heavy load of mine afflictions; the careleſſe withdrawing of mine affections from thee my God, hath occaſioned the ſad departings of thy holy Spirit from me.
O that my loſſe of tears might now prevail with thee, to repair the loſſe of thy preſence in my ſinfull ſoul: Lord let the greatneſſe of my folly in ſinning, extoll the richneſſe of thy mercy in forgiving.
Reſtore me to the joy of thy ſalvation, and ſtabliſh me with thy free Spirit, ſo ſhall I have the comfort, and thou the praiſe of my deliverance.
If thou, Lord, wilt give me underſtanding to delight in thy Law, I ſhall allſo have a ſweet aſſurance, that thou wilt delight in me to doe me good.
Accept of my deſires, ſtrengthen my endeavours, perfect my performances, pardon my weakneſſe, aſſiſt my willingneſſe, forgive my ſinfulneſſe, nouriſh the good motions of thy holy Spirit in me, and for thy mercies ſake remove all dangers and temptations from me; that when the ſhort and wretched race of my imperfect holineſſe is ended here, I may ſolemnize that eternall Sabbath with thy bleſſed Saints and Angels27 in thy Kingdome, and reſt with thee in the perfection of true happineſſe for ever. Amen.
CHAP. 7. Upon the want of due Preparation for receiving of the bleſſed Sacrament of the Lords Supper.
Lord,
WHen I look upon the ineſtimable value of that gift which I am this day to receive, when I conſider of the Majeſtie of thee the Giver, of the miſery of me the Receiver, of the vaſt difference between corruption and eternity, of thy ſtrict commands for preparation to the Paſſcover under thy Law, of thy bleſſed precepts for due receiving of thy Sacrament under the Goſpell, of thine own example in waſhing thy Diſciples feet, and thereby ſymbolizing the eternall waſhing of their ſouls; of thy Saints practice in their ſolemn preparations unto holineſſe, by pulling off their ſhoes when they approached thy preſence; of thy ſevere judgements againſt Ʋzza, for heedleſſe touching of thine Ark; againſt the Bethſhemites, for curiouſneſſe in looking in; againſt thoſe raſh Corinthians, whereof (for want of holy preparation) ſome were weak, ſome ſick, ſome fallen aſleep; and laſtly, of that dreadfull ſentence againſt unworthy commers to thy Wedding Feaſt, pronounced by thine own mouth, I tremble at my bold approaches to thy bleſſed Table, I wonder at thy goodneſſe that I am yet alive to ſay there is yet mercy with thee, that thou mayſt be ſcared.
28How many bleſſed opportunities of coming to thy Table have I ſinfully neglected! How many abuſed, by my ſinfull reſort thither, by my wandring and idle thoughts there, by my wicked and profane actions after I returned thence!
Lord, wilt thou ſtill ſuffer me to abuſe thy goodneſſe? How long Lord, how long ſhall I wander in theſe wofull waies of wickedneſſe? I am weary of the ſins and miſeries of this life, and willing to embrace this heavenly comfort for my ſoul. I confeſſe my ſelf a great and grievous ſinner, and yet I know Lord, thou cameſt not to call the righteous, but ſinners to repentance: I am hungry, and poor, and blind, and naked, and miſerable, deſtitute of all hope, of all help, but from thee alone; Lord I am unworthy of thy crums, yet thou admitteſt me to thy Table; the ſinfulneſſe of my corrupt nature hath made a wofull ſeparation between us, but the richneſſe of thy ſufferings hath for ever made a ſweet conjunction of us; all my ſins are thine, all thy righteouſneſſe is mine, thou art now my well-beloved, and I am thy choſen one, and in this bleſſed Union is my ſweet and ſafe repoſe for ever.
Who can enough deplore that more than wofull ſeparation? Who can enough admire this more than wonderfull conjunction? this more than happy reconciliation? Here is Juſtice undeniable, Mercy incomprehenſible, Wiſdome unutterable, Love unimitable.
O let my ſoul now loſe it ſelf in the unknown paths of heavenly contemplation; let me this day apprehend thee (O my Saviour) faſting, praying, weeping, groaning, ſweating, bleeding, fainting, dying, for my ſake, and29 now pleading to my God for mercy for me: Let me now taſt the ſweetneſſe of that mercy by a lively faith, the fulneſſe of this ſweetueſſe by a bleſſed hope, the fruition of this fulneſſe by eternall love.
Lord how unworthy am I of theſe embraces, if I bewail not, if I abhor not, if I forſake not all the wretched failings of my ſinfull life paſt; if I rejoyce not with joy unſpeakable, and glorious, to be admitted to ſo great a mercy; if this inflame not mine affections with unſpotted love to thee my God, with earneſt longings for thy preſence of Grace in this life, of Glory in that to come?
And now, Lord, ſince thou in thy rich love haſt freely forgiven me my pounds, I will allſo moſt willingly and heartily forgive my brother his pence; I will have nothing to doe with malice, that had ſo much need of mercy: I will unfeignedly, and freely, and fully forgive all injuries on earth; I will love all thoſe that hate me, and pray for all thoſe that deſpightfully uſe me; and all this for thy ſake who haſt freely loved me, and layd down thy life for me, to whom be Glory for ever. Amen.
Bleſſed Lord God,
Look down in mercy and compaſſion on me thy poor diſtreſſed ſuppliant, whom thou now vouchſafeſt to admit unto thy heavenly Banquet; Illuminate my blindneſs by the bleſſed light of thy moſt ſacred Word, ſatisfie my hunger with the ſweet refreſhings of thy gracious preſence, inrich my poverty, with the gifts and graces of thy holy Spirit; cover my nakedneſs with the precious robes of thine own righteouſneſs; ſwallow30 up the depth of my miſery by the height of thy mercy, that I may this day appear before thee with a ſincere heart, and happy ſoul.
Lord, ſtrengthen and ſupport my feeble faith, make me joyfully to truſt in thee, conſtantly to rely upon thee, thankfully to ſacrifiſe my ſoul in praiſes to thee.
Ʋouchſafe, dear Lord, that I may worthily approach thy bleſſed Table, that I may this day be ſo united to thee, that all my joy and comfort may hereafter bee for ever with thee. Amen.
CHAP. 8. Containing pious Ejaculations at the time of Receiving.
Lord,
THis art that bleſſed Bread by which my ſoul is nouriſht to eternall life; thou art that fruitfull Vine from which doth flow thoſe gladding comforts to my fainting ſpirit.
Thou wert broken for my ſins, thou wert bruiſed for my tranſgreſſions, and the chaſtiſement of my peace was upon thee: Lord, by thy ſtripes let my ſinfull ſoul be healed.
Thou tookeſt into thy hand the cup of trembling, thou drankeſt out the very dregs thereof, and thy precious blood was poured out like water for my ſake.
Sweet Jeſus ſuſtain me by this Bread, refreſh me with this Wine, recover me with this Potion, cleanſe me by this Effuſion; that I may31 this day receive joyfully, return thankfully, live righteouſly, and dye happily.
CHAP. 9. Containing a brief Meditation, and pious Thanksgiving after our Receiving.
I Am this day joyfully delivered from the bondage of Sin and Satan, and happily reſtored unto the glorious liberty of the ſons of God; I have relliſhed the ſweetneſs of his heavenly promiſes, and received the ſeal of his gracious performances; I now enjoy that bleſſed Peace of God wch paſſeth all our underſtanding. My deliverance is wonderful, my freedom abſolute, my peace unalterable, my joy unutterable: My conſcience is now quieted, my ſpirit raviſhed, mine enemies vanquiſhed, and my God welpleaſed.
To thee therefore, O thou bleſſed Fountain of eternall ſweetneſs, do I addreſs my joyfull ſoul, to love and honour thee to my lives end. Lord Jeſus accept of me, and ſo powerfully and graciouſly aſſiſt me, that I may ſavingly behold thee in thy bleſsed promiſes, that I may happily enjoy thee in thy holy Ordinances; that I may clearly ſee, and joyfully confeſs what great things thou haſt done for my poor ſoul; that I may be dayly raviſhed with apprehenſion of thine exceeding love, and hourly huſied with recounting thy endleſs praiſe.
Lord make me to forſake the ſins and miſeries of this life; make me more watchful over my corrupt heart, more zealous of thy glory and thy childrens32 good; that I may never willingly offend thee, but wholly ſacrifiſe the ſhort remainder of my dayes unto thee; that ſo my heart and my fleſh may triumphantly rejoice in thee the living God.
Mortifie my corruptions, ſupport my weakneſs, accept my willingneſs: Let this my humiliation before thee be a pleaſing ſacrifice unto thee, for his alone ſake whoſe precious life thy rich mercie hath ſacrifiſed to thy Juſtice for me. Lord hear me, and have mercy on me for his alone ſake whom thou haſt freely given unto me, that I may truly love thee, devoutly ſerve thee, earneſtly imbrace thee, eternally enjoy thee. Amen.
CHAP. 10. Upon a Journey undertaken, and the many dangers incident thereunto.
I Am now going from mine own home, and know not whether I ſhall ever return; God I know hath ſet a p•riod to my dayes, beyond which I cannot paſs, but when, or where, or how my life ſhall end, I am uncertain. Many are the dangers that attend this ſinfull life, and many more my ſins that have deſerv'd them, I can neither number the one, nor foreſee the other; this is the wretched, and the ſad condition of my body, and (without unfeigned ſorrow for my ſins) the much more wofull caſe of my diſtreſſed ſoul.
Lord, there is nothing ſo ſweet as thy love, nothing ſo ſafe as thy protection, and yet I have careleſſy neglected the one, and thou mayſt now juſtly deny me the other; thou haſt woed33 me to mercy, and I have refuſed to come; thou haſt graciouſly invited me by thy continuall preſervations, by thy fatherly ſuſtentations, by thy gentle corrections, by thy faithfull promiſes, and thy rich performances.
Bleſſed Lord, how wonderfull are thy compaſſions towards me, when I am unthankfull for thy many favours, when I am unmindfull of mine own miſeries, even then thou graciouſly provideſt for me, and yet for all this I have not hitherto reſolved ſeriouſly to come unto thee.
Such, and ſo many are my ſins, ſo great is my unthankfulneſs, that I now tremble to appear before thee; and yet ſo tender is thy mercy to me, that thou again allureſt me to comfort and contentment. Lord, into the bleſſed boſom of thy love I caſt my ſelf for ſafety and protection; and in the midſt of danger, even in death it ſelf will joyfuliy rely upon thee.
For thou, O Lord, art my ſtrong rock and fortreſs, unto which I will alwaies reſort: Lord keep me as the apple of thine eye, hide me under the ſhaddow of thy wings.
Strengthen my weak faith againſt the ſtrong aſſaults of Satan; ſupport and comfort me in all the fears and terrors of mine own accuſing conſcience; protect and keep me in this preſent journey; let thy holy Angels be my bleſſed Guardians, to protect me in life, to preſerve me in death, to aſſiſt me after death.
O let me never grieve thoſe bleſſed Spirits (which though inviſibly, yet moſt aſſuredly are my attendants) Lord, as thou haſt given them readyneſs and cheerfulneſs of mind to watch my preſervation, and further my ſalvation, ſo give me34 carefulneſs and conſtancy of ſoul to joy them in my life and converſation.
And ſeeing, Lord, I cannot know my hour of diſſolution, O teach me ſo to number my days, that I may apply my heart unto heavenly wiſdom; that I may obtain a ſweet aſſurance of thy love in Chriſt; unfeigned ſorrow for my ſins, a ſincere and conſtant heart to thy ſervice, and a cheerfull readineſs at thy call. Amen.
CHAP. 11. Containing pious Meditations, and zealous Ejaculations after a Journey.
I Am now by Gods gracious providence returned ſafe unto mine earthly home, but am ſtill travelling to my heavenly: There is nothing in this life but labour and ſorrow, nothing in that but reſt and happineſs, and yet I dote upon the one, and neglect the other. Lord, if my treaſure were with thee, my heart would be there allſo: When thou giveſt me more knowledge of thee, I ſhall have more deſire to come unto thee; When my ſins have made me more ſenſible of mine own miſery, thy Grace (I truſt) will make me more capable of thy ſweet mercy.
Lord, if this vain unquietneſs be ſo refreſhing to my mortall body, how truly bleſſed will thy heavenly reſt be to mine immortall ſoul? When thou, Lord, wilt wipe away all tears from mine eyes, all akings from my heart; when there ſhall be no more death, neither ſorrow, nor crying, nor any more pain; when ſoul and body ſhall triumphantly and joyfully35 repoſe themſelves in thee for ever: when they ſhall drink freely of the rivers of thy pleaſures, and be for ever ſatisfied with the fatneſs of thy houſe.
I confeſs my ſelf unworthy to enjoy this outward reſt in this mine earthy home, much more unworthy to enjoy that inward reſt, that ſweet aſſurance of a lively hope, to be partaker of eternall reſt. How wretched is my body without this outward quietneſs? How much more wre ched is my ſoul without thee? Thou, O Lord, art my ſhield to defend me, my ſtaff to uphold me, my food to ſuſtain me, my wine to glad me, my beloved to embrace me, my pleaſure to delight me, my joy to raviſh me, my ſweet and ſate repoſe for ever to refreſh me.
Let this teach me (Lord) to fix my thoughts on heaven and heavenly things; to uſe this world ſoberly in thee and to thee; to view it (truly as it is) a barren wilderneſs, a tranſitory, vain, and empty thing; far inconſiſtent with my reall happineſs; to deſire nothing, to enjoy nothing in the creature, but onely in, and unto thee the great Creator; ſo ſhall no vain pleaſure bewitch me, no unjuſt profit beguil me; no ſudden ſorrow diſmay me, no terrors of conſcience affright me.
To thee, O thou ſoveraign of my ſoul, do I devote the remnant of my ſinfull dayes, to love thee, to praiſe thee, to honour thee, to reſt in thee for ever.
Lord wean me from the ſins and miſeries of this life, and raiſe my thoughts to immortality: Let the ſweetneſs of thy heavenly joyes relieve the harſhneſs of my worldly ſorrows, that miſery may be ſwallowed up of mercy and frailty of eternity.
36Ʋnite me in a bleſsed union with thee, that I may conſtantly adhere unto thee, and be for ever graciouſly accepted of thee: O give me a ſweet complacency of ſoul in thy ſervice, and a willing and a dutifull obedience unto thy commands.
Lord give me a thankful heart for all thy mercies to me, for thy continuall preſervation, for thy bleſſed ſupportation, for the injoyment of thy needfull comforts in this life, and for the glorious hopes of thoſe in that to come.
Bleſſed God, ſo ſublimate my ſinfull ſoul, that I may ſee the richneſs of thy love in Chriſt, that I may ſoberly enjoy thy bleſſings here, and faithfully exſpect thy joyes hereafter.
Lord, all that I have without thee is meer emptineſs, and nothing, meer vanity, and worſe than nothing; my glory, ſhame; mine honor, ignominy; my health, ruin; my riches, poverty; my gain, loſs; my pleaſure, pain; my laughter, madneſs.
Thou, O Lord, art all in all unto me, O grant that nothing may withdraw my ſervice from thee; that no inticing pleaſure may allure me, that no diſtracting care, or ſinfull ſorrow may diſturb me, but that my ſoul may now and ever ſafely and contentedly rely upon thee.
Lord, thou ſeeſt all my deſires, and my continuall groanings are not hid from thee: Thou alone knoweſt how weary I am of the ſinful travailes of this life, how earneſtly I long to be at reſt with thee; Lord pardon all my ſins, and put an end to all my miſeries: Come Lord Jeſus, come quickly, wipe away all tears from mine eyes, and bring me to that reſt of thine which never ſhall have end. Amen.
CHAP. 12. Upon the great danger of Security.
DEceive not thy ſelf, O my Soul, it is not ſo eaſy a matter to inherit Heaven, as thou imagineſt; there will be much fighting, ſweating, bleeding, much compunction of ſoul, ſubjection of body, hard preſſing towards the mark, for the price of the high calling in Chriſt Ieſus, before this happy conqueſt can be gained.
Conſ•der therefore in what condition thou now ſtandeſt, what ground thou haſt gained of thy corrupt nature, how much better thou art this day than the day paſt, than the year paſt, than thy whole life paſt; nay rather how much worſe, by adding ſin unto ſin, by drinking in iniquity like water, by treaſuring up wrath againſt the day of wrath, and revelation of thy righteous judgement.
Philoſophy will tell thee, that in all naturall motions, the nearer they are to ending, the more violent their motion is; Divinity will tell thee, that in old age thou wilt be fat, and well liking: what increaſe of love haſt thou to Gods Law? what growth of hatred againſt ſin? what boſome-ſin haſt thou parted with? what gratious improvement haſt thou made in Knowledge, Faith, Repentance, Love, and all thoſe other gifts and graces which concur to thy perfection?
Holy Saint Anſelm was often heard to ſay, If I could from hence behold the pains of hell, from thence the horrour of ſin, I would rather embrace38 thoſe pains, than this horrour: O what growth of grace was here! how far am I from this degree of holineſſe! how eaſily perſwaded to delude my ſelf with ſhews and ſhadows of perfection. There is no attaining unto happineſſe without holy violence, without beating down my body, without cheriſhing my ſoul; if I conquer not here, I cannot triumph hereafter.
Lord, when I look into the ſtrictneſſe of the lives of thy Saints, I much lament the folly of mine own; I ſee holy David in ſackcloth and aſhes, conſuming whole daies and nights in mourning for ſ•n, waſhing his bed with his tears, afflicted in body, tormented in ſoul, grieving, crying, roaring, for unquietneſſe of heart. Bleſſed Paul ſubduing his body, by faſting, watching, praying, toyling in the Miniſtry. and thou, my bleſſed Saviour, in continuall labour and ſorrow for my ſake: how vain is my truſt, how falſe my hope, how great my errour, to believe I run, when I ſtand ſtill? to expect a triumph without a victory, a victory without a combat. Lord, if many that ſtrive to enter in at the ſtrait gate, yet ſhall not be able: what ſhall become of me? who am ſo far from coming to thee, that I every day am running from thee; who am not onely oppoſite unto thee, but even enmity it ſelf againſt thee.
Sometimes I feel the ſtings and gripings of a wounded conſcience, I know my ſelf to be a grievous ſinner, but I quiet my diſturbances by thee my Saviour, I willingly accept of mercy from thee, but grudgingly repine at ſervice to thee; thou biddeſt me indeed to drink freely of the waters of life, but thou commandeſt me allſo to make my calling and election ſure, to work out my ſalvation with fear and trembling;39 thou ordaineſt not the end without the means; if I rebelliouſly neglect the one, thou may•ſt moſt righteouſly deny me the other: Lord, what can it profit me to enjoy the pleaſures of ſin for a ſeaſon, when I deprive my ſoul of happineſſe for ever?
O let this teach me to deplore my dangerous condition, to goe on chearfully in the waies of godlineſſe, to think no coſt too much, no pains too great, no grief too good, to purchaſe Heaven; to conſider ſeriouſly, that time once paſt can never be recall'd, that this hour may be my laſt, and bring me to eternity of torments; where the ſtream is ſtilleſt, there the chanell is deepeſt; where there is leaſt diſtruſt, there is uſually moſt danger: Satan therefore diſturbs me not, becauſe I ſleep in death: But when thou, Lord, ſhalt open mine eyes to ſee the ſubtilty of this Deceiver, I ſhall then find, that the waters (of ſin) are gone over my ſoul, that I am wofully drowned in the great depth of ſecurity, and can expect nothing (without mercy) but Satans cruelty, and mine own endleſſe miſery.
To that ſweet mercy therefore I appeal, with earneſtneſſe of ſoul, and humbleneſſe of heart, bemoaning my ſinnes, bewailing my tranſgreſſions.
O Lord my God, when I conſider of thy gratious goodneſse, and mine own vileneſſe, I am utterly aſhamed to appear in thy preſence.
Thou haſt often called me to repentance, but I have not hearkned unto thee; thou haſt lovingly invited me to mercy, but I have wilfully refuſed; thou haſt clothed me with thine own garment, and I have ſhamefully defiled it; thou40 haſt enriched me with thy grace, and I have robbed thee of thine honour: All this, and infinitely more than this, thou haſt freely done for me, the worſt of ſinners, and yet for all this I have rebelliouſly forſaken thee, and moſt ungratiouſly been moſt unmindfull of thee.
And now, Lord, ſeeing that I am dead and putrified in ſins, and rotten in corruptions, what elſe can I expect from thee, but to be buried out of thy ſight? and yet thou ſtill ſayeſt unto me, live.
O thou bleſſed Fountain of eternall good, convey thoſe happy ſtreams of comfort to my ſinfull ſoul, that may revive me from the grave of miſery: open mine eies, that I may ſee thee in thy long patience, in thy great goodneſſe, in thy rich mercies, in thy fatherly affections towards me.
I am wofully ſunk into the deep mire of ſin, where no ſtay is; Lord uphold me by thy grace, that I periſh not eternally; O deliver me for thy mercy ſake, for I am helpleſſe and poor, and my heart is wounded within me.
Let my ſoul live, and it ſhall praiſe thee, and thy judgements ſhall help me.
As thou haſt raiſed me by thy power, ſo rule me by thy providence, that thy grace may be far ſweeter with my ſufferings, than my pleaſure with my ſins.
Reſtrain my looſe deſires, renew my good purpoſes, aſſiſt my weak endeavours, correct mine errours, ſuſtain my infirmities; give me a godly ſorrow for my ſins, a thankfull heart for thy favours, a filiall fear of thy judgements, a ſincere love to thy laws, an holy conſtancy, and happy perſeverance, to my lives end. Amen.
CHAP. 13. Upon the great danger of Preſumption.
ALaſs, my Soul, how vain art thou, how wretched, to preſume upon the mercy of thy God? how canſt thou be ſo fooliſh to believe, that God will favour thee in that, which he ſo ſeverely puniſhed in his own Son? thinkeſt thou that pretious bloud was ſpilt to cheriſh ſin? Be not miſtaken, for as Chriſt Ieſus came into the world to ſave ſinners, ſo he came allſo to call ſinners to repentance. Doeſt thou argue well to ſay, becauſe God is mercifull, long-ſuffering, and of great goodneſſe, therefore I will abuſe his mercy in ſinning, his patience by my long continuing in ſin, his great goodneſſe by my great unthankfulneſſe? is not this to mock his mercy, to bid defiance to his juſtice, to arm him with fury, to invite him to revenge? Aſſure thy ſelf, the longer he is in drawing his Bow, the more forcible will he ſend his Arrow.
Deceive not thy ſelf therefore, God will not be ſo mercifull to thee, as to be unjuſt to himſelf; All the waies of God are Mercy and Truth; Mercy to ſupport thy weakneſſe, Truth to correct thy wilfulneſſe: There is therefore Mercy with him, that he may be feared, not that he may be ſlighted, not that he may be ſhamefully diſhonoured. How full of falſhood is thy bold preſumption? thou crieſt Peace, Peace, when ſudden War is ready to deſtroy thee; There is no peace to the wicked, ſaith my God; Heaven and Earth are up in Arms againſt42 thee, and there is none left, not ſo much as thine own Conſcience to deliver thee.
Thou haſt gratiouſly received the knowledge of the truth, thou haſt grievouſly ſinned againſt the light of that knowledge, thou haſt wofully continu•d in thy ſins, without remorſe of conſcience, without deſire of repentance, and there now remaineth no more ſacrifice for ſin, but a ſearfull looking for of judgement, and violent fire, that ſhall devour the Adverſaries.
O remember, that the Angels, for one ſin, were thrown down from Heaven, and that Adam, for one ſin, was caſt out of Paradiſe: Thy ſins (O my Soul) are innumerable, thou haſt had line upon line, and precept upon precept, and yet thou addeſt ſin upon ſin, and tranſgreſſion upon tranſgreſſion: Thou haſt ſinned againſt many pretious promiſes, againſt many gratious performances, againſt many fearfull judgements; thou haſt grieved that good Spirit, by which the Saints are ſealed up unto the day of redemption: All theſe are heavy aggravations upon thee, to fill up the meaſure of thy ſins, and haſten the ſwiftneſſe of thy puniſhments.
Ah how ſad is thy condition! thou haſt not onely wearied out thy ſelf in wickedneſſe, but thy God allſo: hear what he faith unto thee, how he complaineth of thee, by his holy Prophet, Behold, I am preſſed under you, as a cart is laden with ſheaves, Amos 2.13. and yet thou ſtill addeſt more load: but as thou addeſt ſin upon ſin, ſo thou calleſt for wrath upon wrath; as thou haſt made a mock at ſin, ſo God will make a mock at miſery; as thou haſt thy meaſure in ſinning, ſo God will have his meaſure in puniſhing: Conſider what he ſaith unto thee by his43 Prophet, Judgement will I lay to the rule, and Righteouſneſſe to the ballance, Eſay 28.17, 18. As he hath a bottle for thy tears, ſo he hath a bag for thy tranſgreſſions, Job 14.17. their growth is recorded, their number accounted, their nature examined, all ſealed up againſt the great and fearfull day of the revelation of the righteous judgement.
O conſider this thou that forgetteſt God, leſt he tear thee in pieces, and there be none to deliver thee: Think how ſuddenly thou mayſt be ſnatcht away by thoſe infernall Fiends, to endleſſe torments, and then what tears will be enough to weep thine obſequies, to quench thoſe everlaſting burnings? But then, alaſs, inſtead of tears of compaſſion, thou ſhalt have mocks of deriſion, the curſed Devils will laugh thee to ſcorn, the bleſſed Saints and Angels will rejoyce at thy confuſion, and God himſelf, who onely can relieve thee, will for ever hide his tender mercy from thee.
Awake therefore out of thy ſleep of death, look well into thy loſt eſtate, thou art now near unto making up the meaſure of thy ſins, beyond which thou canſt not paſſe: Thy God hath ſaid to thee, as to the Sea, hitherto malt thou goe, and here ſhalt thou ſtay thy proud waves: Think how ſuddenly thou mayeſt be called to thy laſt account, even this very hour, (for ought thou knoweſt) thoſe curſed Spirits may convey thee to thy fiery Priſon: O think how powerfully the wrath of God will then ſeize upon thee; how wofully thou wilt excrutiate thy ſelf, with apprehenſion of thy former folly; and laſt of all, how wretchedly thou art forever baniſht from eternall joyes, to ſuffer with the damned in eternall torments: L•t this44 move thee to amend thy wicked wayes, to cry mightily to God for mercy, to judge thy ſelf, to condemn thy ſelf, that thou mayſt not be judged of the Lord; to Kiſs the Son leſt he be angry, and ſo thou periſh from the right way: If his wrath be kindled, yea but a little, bleſſed are all they that put their truſt in him. Turn (therefore) unto the Lord thy God (O my ſoul) for he is gracious, and merciful, ſlow to anger, and of great kindneſs, and repenteth him of the evil.
Bleſſed Lord,
As an unfeigned ſign of my repentance, in anguiſh of heart, and bitterneſs of ſoul, I earneſtly deſire to ſearch into the ſecreets of my ſinfull thoughts, to unboſom all my ſins, and lay them open to the view of all thy Saints, that thou mayſt have the glory, they the good, and I the ſhame of my confeſſion; that ſo this penitent ſenſe of mine iniquities (which I thankfully acknowledge cometh alone from thee) may be an evidence unto me, that thou wilt alſo give me pardon for them.
Lord, I willingly confeſs my ſelf to be a great and grievous ſinner, mine original defiled, my birth polluted, mine infancy ſtained, my youth inſnared, my manhood corrupted, mine age beſotted.
Mine imaginations vain, my thoughts ſinfull, my words wicked, mine actions abhominable, my whole life a very ſink of ſin and all uncleanneſs.
When thy hand hath been heavy upon me, I have then promiſed thee amendment; when thy rode hath been taken off from me, I have again returned to mine evil courſes; this plainly ſheweth, that I have hitherto ſought but any ſelf in45 thee, and may therefore juſtly fear to be forſaken of thee.
I have been undutiful to thee my God, envious and uncharitable to my neighbour, hypocritical to the world, deceitful to mine own ſoul.
My thoughts have been wanton, my deſires laſcivious, my actions unclean.
I have been blind to thy precepts, deaf to thy promiſes, dumb in thy praiſes, lame in thy ſervices, ſick at thine ordinances, dead to thy imbraces.
I have broken all my promiſes, I have ſlighted all thy threatnings, I have abuſed all thy mercies, I have rejected all thy favours, I have delayed my repentance, I have reſiſted the checks of mine own conſcience, I have quenched the motions of thy bleſſed Spirit, and turned thy grace into wantonneſs; and yet as if all this had been too little to condemn me, I have moſt daringly preſumed on thy mercie, and moſt ungracionſly reſolved to go on in my impieties.
Lord, thou haſt peomiſed to forgive thoſe that repent, to eaſe thoſe that are heavy laden, to raiſe up thoſe that are fallen, to ſatisfie thoſe that are hungry, and to bind up thoſe that are broken-hearted.
O Lord my God, I earneſtly deſire to repent, I am laden with a burthen inſupportable, I am feeble and ſore ſmitten with the terrors of thy Law, my fleſh trembleth, and my heart fainteth; I am fallen into the very mouth of hell, I am ſorely wounded with the remorſe of mine own accuſing conſcience, and hungry for the ſweet refreſhings of thy ſaving grace.
Thou, O Lord, haſt made me ſenſible of this my great miſery, and thou alone canſt make me46 capable of thy rich mercy; unto that mercie therefore I appeal, with ſighs in my ſoul, and ſorrow in my heart.
O thou which art the bleſſed fountain of all goodneſs, which deſireſt not the death of a ſinner, but rather that he ſhould repent and live, have mercy upon me.
O thou which art the Saviour of the world, which cameſt to ſeek, and to ſave thoſe which were loſt, have mercy upon me.
O holy, and for ever bleſſed Spirit, thou which feedeſt and refreſheſt the diſtreſſed ſoules of thine Elect, have mercy on me.
Let thy power (O bleſſed Father) ſupport my weakneſs; thy wiſdom (O bleſſed Son) ſupply my folly; thy love (O bleſſed Spirit) reſtrain my wilfulneſs; that as thou art eternally one, ſo I may for ever be at unity with thee, although moſt wofully divided in my ſelf.
Lord, as thou haſt given me a heart to pray unto thee, ſo give me alſo a ſoul to praiſe thee, and a ſerius reſolution to perform thoſe promiſes I make unto thee.
Lord ſweeten all my ſorrows by thy bleſſed ſufferings, inlarge my heart with thankfulneſs for thy many favours, ſtrengthen my weak faith, reſtrain my rebellious nature, increaſe daily in me the gifts and graces of thy bleſſed Spirit; indue me with a perfect hatred againſt all ſin; and grant, dear God, that daring and preſumptuous ſinnes may never have dominion over me. Amen.
CHAP. 14. Upon Quenching the motions of Gods holy Spirit.
COnſider, O my ſoul, from whence theſe happy thoughts ariſe, and wherefore, if they were from nature, they muſt needs ſavour of corruption, but now they are from Grace, they ſummon thee to goodneſs, they beckon thee to immortality: Thy God now calleth thee to repentance; he offers thee his gracious pardon for thy ſin; his love, his protection, his peace, his grace, his glory: He now woeth thee to favour, and thou (a wofull wretch) convicted by thine own accuſing conſcience, condemned by divine Juſtice, rebelliouſly rejecteſt all theſe gracious offers: Ah, what wofull folly is this! nay rather what wilfull madneſs! As there is a time of calling, ſo there will be a time of rejecting; the bleſſed wind of Gods holy Spirit bloweth but where it liſteth; when it is once gone, thou knoweſt not whether it ſhall ever return: God will have mercy on whom he will have mercy, and whom he will he hardeneth, Rom. 9. Ah wo be unto that ſoul whoſe time of calling is once paſt, a thouſand worlds cannot redeem its loſs. If thou wilt not now embrace theſe comfortable breathings of his tender love, thou ſhalt then endure the bitter ſtorms of his incenſed wrath.
If thou wilt not embrace his Mercy, thou ſhalt exalt his Juſtice: I called unto you (ſaith God) and yee refuſed to come, I held out my hand and ye would not look towards me; therefore will I forſake you in your extremity, when your fear cometh48 as deſolation, and your deſtruction as a whirlwind, when diſtreſs and anguiſh cometh upon you; then ſhall they call upon me, but I will not anſwer, they ſhall ſeek me early, but they ſhall not find me. Prov. 1.24, 27, 28.
Gods clemency and patience in this life will aſſuredly exaſperate his fury, and revenge, in that to come; as his Mercy is unutterable, ſo his Juſtice is intollerable, both are his divine being, and therefore both muſt needs be infinite; both are to manifeſt his glory, and therefore both muſt be eternall.
From hence is that expreſſion of Saint Vaul, It is a fearfull thing to fall into the hands of the living God. Heb. 10. From hence it is that wicked men are left unto their own ſwing in this life, that they may be payd home with Gods wrath in that to come.
Let this teach thee, O my ſoul, to welcome theſe endeared motions of the gladding Spirit, to thirſt for them, to rejoyce in them, to think no thought too dear to be diſloged for them.
Bleſſed Lord, I hear thee calling thy holy Apoſtle Saint Peter, and I ſee him readily forſaking all to follow thee; how often haſt thou called me, a ſinfull wretch, by the ſweet motions of thy bleſſed Spirit; and I have hitherto refuſed to forſake the very leaſt of all my ſins, for thy ſake, who willingly forſookeſt all the pleaſures of this life for mine? Long haſt thou waited my repentance, but I have yet hated to be reformed. Mercy hath been offered, and I have not eſteemed it, Judgement hath been threatned, and I have not regarded it; thou haſt not onely whiſpered unto me by thy gracious viſits of thy bleſſed Spirit, but thou haſt even49 called me aloud, by thy divine hand of wholſom chaſtiſement; By loſs of friends, by loſs of means, by loſs of health, by loſs of liberty, and (without thy rich mercy) by the great danger of that greater loſs of thy Goſpel, and thereby of thy gracious preſence in this life, and thine eternall joys in that to come. All this my ſins have juſtly brought upon me, and yet for all this, my wretched heart deſires to be a ſtranger to thee.
Lord, who am I that thou ſo graciouſly inviteſt unto mercy? Lord, what am I that now preſume to ſpeak unto thee? I am ſo deformed, and contemptible, that mine own knowledge cometh far ſhort of mine own miſery. O how juſtly mightſt thou for ever leave me to my ſelf, to eat the fruit of mine own wayes, and to be filled with the falſhood of mine own devices, to poſſeſs ſorrow, and inherit ſhame? But thou, O Lord, who art infinite in goodneſs, haſt manifeſted to my ſinfull ſoul, that when I wretchedly forſake thee, thou readily forſakeſt all to follow me; when I run from thee, thou bewaileſt me; when miſery compels me to return, thou joyfully receiveſt me, thou lovingly relieveſt me, thou then graciouſly accepteſt of me; And now, O Lord, when I have even wearied out thy mercy and compaſſion towards me, thou ſtill inviteſt me to come unto thee.
To thee therefore, O thou bleſſed Shepheard of my ſoul, do I devote theſe penitent expreſſions: O let thoſe tributary tears which are due to thy ſufferings, be now plentifully poured forth for mine own ſins. Lord pardon my contempt of grace, and graciouſly enable me to entertain theſe happy viſits of thy holy Spirit, and patiently to bear theſe50 ſweet chaſtiſements of thy heavenly hand, that I may have fellowſhip with Chriſt, and peace with God.
If thou Lord for the ſins of my proſperity, ſhalt think it fit to bring upon me the miſeries of adverſity, for the great neglect of thy gracious viſits, to deny mee the ſweet comforts of thy bleſſed anſwers, yet give me patience, and ſure confidence to truſt ſtil in thy mercie, that ſo while I am moſt juſtly debarred of my longing deſires, I may not be utterly deprived of thy loving favours.
Lord caſt me not away from thy preſence, O leave me not unto my ſelf, leſt I periſh everlaſtingly; make me to ſee the richneſs of thy love and favour towards me: Quicken the motions of thy bleſſed Spirit in me, renew my good thoughts, and ſix them wholly upon heaven and heavenly things; Lord Jeſus make me joyful in them, and for ever truly thankful for them.
Make me willing to enjoy thee, and ready to abandon all things for thee: Lord I now ſeek thee but I cannot find thee, I call upon thee but thou anſwereſt me not: O kiſs me with the kiſſes of thy mouth, for thy love is better than wine.
Lord let thy left hand ſupport me, and thy right hand imbrace me, let me be outwardly, and inwardly, ſuſtained by thee; my weaknſs by thy power, my rebellion by thine obedience, my folly by thy wiſdom, my pollution by thy ſanctification, my faith by thy fruition; that I may be grieved for thine abſence, delighted in thy preſence, inamored with thy beanty, inriched with thy bounty, inflamed with thy love, adorned with thy graces, comforted with thy conſolation, incompaſt with thy glory. Amen.
CHAP. 15. Upon the conſideration of Gods peculiar Providence to his Children.
Lord,
NOthing can befall me in this life, without thy wife, and over-ruling providence; not ſo much as one hair of me can fail without thy allowance; for even my very hairs are numbred; as a Sparrow cannot fall to the ground, ſo neither a hair from mine head without thy ſacred leave: And if thy bleſſed Providence protecteth theſe inferior creatures, if it extend it ſelf even unto excrements, how much more ſafely doeſt thou guard the bodies, how much more tenderly the ſoules of thine Elect? Yet ſuch is my ſtupidity by nature, that I ſeldom look beyond the ſeond cauſes; I uſually content my ſelf with caſuals and contingencies, and often judge that meerly accidentall, which ſweetly moves by thy commands, to thine appointment and thy childrens good.
Thy Providence is eternall, thy proviſion in time; thou, O Lord, art infinitely wiſe, and cauſt therefore provide infinitely well, the end thou ordaineſt to thy ſelf, the means to thy creature; good and bad are under thy protection; the good for themſelves, the bad for others; both for thy glory; the one thou willeſt to be happy, the other thou permitteſt to be miſerable; neither of them can avoyd their neceſſity of fate, and yet thou neither inclineſt the one, nor inforceſt the other, becauſe unto both in their originall thou gaveſt perfect freedome52 of will, to chuſe the good, to leave the bad; to inherit life, or purchaſe death.
Bleſſed God, we are all debtors in our firſt Parents, thou mayſt therefore moſt juſtly require that of us, which was lent us in them: They were able to pay, but not willing; we, their wofull poſterity (as we are in nature) are neither able, nor willing; But by thy grace, Lord, we are onely willing, and not able; and thou haſt therefore ſent thine onely Son, who was both freely willing, and fully able, to appeaſe thy Juſtice, to reconcile thy Mercy, to comfort us here, to crown us hereafter.
And now, Lord, having given us thy Son, how ſhalt thou not, together with him allſo, give us all things? and yet I often ſee thee giving of good things to the bad, and bad to the good: there is nothing more fiequent in this life than the afflictions of thy children, nothing more common than the proſperity of the wicked, they receive their good things in this life, I ſhall enjoy mine in that to come, when I ſhall be comforted, and they tormented. Thou, O Lord, art righteous in all they waies, and holy in all thy works; thou loadeſt them with thine outward bleſſings, for their outward obedience; thou denieſt me theſe outward favours, for mine inward advantage; by the one they are left inexcuſable; by the other I am made more conformable; my patience exerciſed, my faith tried, my love examined, my humility proved; all theſe are ſpeciall tokens of thy mercy towards me; for as grace increaſeth here, ſo ſhall glory hereafter.
Lord, what can he fear that is aſſured of thy favour? that knoweth aſſuredly, that all theſe outward things ſhall work together for the53 beſt, to his advantage? If Joſeph be thrown into the Pit, it is to ſend him into Egypt; if into Priſon, to preſer him to Pharoah, that ſo Corn may be ſent into Canaan; if Satan be ſent to tempt Job with afflictions, it is becauſe Job ſhall overcome Satan by patience; if holy David become a ſad ſpectacle of humane frailty by ſinning, it is to make him a pattern of true piety in repenting; if the bodies of the Saints be grievouſly martyr'd in this life, it is to array them with glorious robes in that to come.
Lord, let this teach me joyfully to entertain the ſaddeſt of events, which either thy wiſdome, mans unrighteouſneſs, or Satans cruelty, can bring upon me; to be patient under them, and thankfull for them; to ranſake my ſoul, and ſearch diligently there, for what ſin thou ſendeſt this ſorrow, to bewail it, abhor it, forſake it, and earneſtly implore thy pardon for it: When I am thus happily reſolved, I ſhall then have that undaunted boldneſſe, to ſay with holy Job, Allthough thou killeſt me, yet will I truſt in thee; with holy David, Though I walk through the valley of the ſhadow of death, yet will I fear none evill, for thou Lord art with me; and with thy bleſſed Apoſtle, that I know aſſuredly, that the ſufferings of this life ſhall work for me a far greater and more exceeding weight of glory, in that to come.
To thee therefore, O thou bleſſed Guardian of my ſinfull ſoul, and wretched body, doe I addreſſe my ſelf for ſafety and protection.
I confeſſe, O Lord, there is no one minute of my whole life can be ſafe without thy gratious providence, and yet ſo wretched have I been, that few or none of them have been devoted to thy ſervice.
54Lord, I am not worthy of the leaſt of all thy mercies, and of all thy truth thou haſt afforded me; even the very beſt of all my actions hath juſtly merited the very worſt of all thy puniſhments, and yet thou daily loadeſt me with thy bleſſings, allthough I hourly ſin againſt thee, by my great tranſgreſſions.
Forgive me my unmindfulneſſe of theſe thy mercies, my great unthankfulneſſe for all thy favours, and fix my ſinfull ſoul more willingly, more joyfully, more fervently, more conſtantly, on thy ſervice.
Teach me to keep a catalogue of thy mercies, to let none paſſe without a thankfull and devout acknowledgement; to ſet ſome daies apart from the year, ſome hours from each day, to praiſe thee for them.
Forgive the pride of my proſperity, my careleſneſſe of thee, my coldneſſe unto thine, my croſſeneſſe unto others, my cruelty to my ſelf.
Lord pardon my repinings in adverſity, my diſtaſt of thy power, my diſtruſt of thy providence, my deniall of thy wiſdome, my refuſall of thy love, my contempt of thy favour, my neglect of thy grace, my deſpair of thy goodneſſe.
O give me ſuch a bleſſed frame of heart, that I may chearfully and joyfully content my ſelf, to walk in whatſoever paths thy bleſſed providence ſhall lead me to: O hold thou up my goings in thoſe paths, that my feet ſlip not; teach me to make a gratious and a ſweet improvement of theſe outward croſſes, a bleſſed and a wiſe advantage of thine inward graces: Lord lead me by thy counſell here, and afterwards receive me to thy glory. Amen.
CHAP. 16. Upon ſinfull Anger, and the great diſturbance thereof.
Lord,
WHen I conſider of thy patience, and long-ſuffering towards me, a miſerable ſinner, of the lowlineſſe of thy Saints, and of the great humility and meekneſſe of my Saviour in his ſufferings, I much deplore the wofull weakneſſe of mine own infirmities, and more admire the richneſſe of thy goodneſſe, in admitting me to ſpeak unto thee.
What pleaſure, Lord, canſt thou take in that ſervice which is all ſin? how canſt thou delight in that which thou abhorreſt? thou art a God of pure eyes, and canſt not behold iniquity; if all my righteouſneſſe be in thy ſight as filthy rags, and menſtiuous clothes, how full of uglineſſe and deformity will my ſins then appear before thee?
Ah Lord, thou haſt often ſe•n how eaſily, how ſuddenly, how wretchedly, I have been ſwallowed up of ſinfull paſſion; how I have violated that invaluable peace which thou haſt given me, by revengefull thoughts, by deſpightfull words, by diſturbing actions: I know nothing in my corrupt nature, but to know my ſelf miſerable; I ſee nothing in this miſery, but terrour and confuſion, affliction to my body, deſtruction to my ſoul; all occurrences of this life ſhould have rather added to my growth of grace, than diſturbance of nature: I have hitherto been groſſely miſtaken, in calling that a56 defect of my body, which is in truth an error in my ſoul: Nature was at firſt created pure, no diſobedience was then in the paſſions, Man hath marred it by his Fall: all the Streams that are now troubled flow from this Fountain; this barren excuſe therefore is ſo far from leſſening ſin, that it makes it bigger. I am now ſo much the more ſtained by committing actuall ſin, as I ſhould have been more holy, and am not, ſince original.
Lord, let this teach me to deal truly with my ſoul, to uncloath my ſelf of all ſinfull excuſes, that ſo ſin may appear truly what it is, and may become out of meaſure ſinfull; that mine Anger may be holy, my application of it happy, that nothing may diſturb me but ſin; that I may be a Lyon in thy cauſe, a Lamb in mine own; that when I hate the ſin, I may love the perſon; when I rebuke the offence, I may pray heartily for the offender; ſo ſhall I zealouſly enjoy thee my God, religiouſly embrace my neighhour, patiently poſſeſs mine own ſoul.
And now, Lord, as thou haſt given me an heart to confeſs my ſins of impatience before thee, ſo give me a ſweet aſſurance in my Saviour, that by him I have aſſured pardon for them.
If thou Lord for my ſinfull Anger ſhalt inflict upon me thy ſevere wrath; and for my long continuing in my ſins, the long duration of thy puniſhments; yet let not thy ſeveritie exceed the meaſure of my Chriſtian charity; though thou continueſt my miſeries, yet withdraw not thy mercies. O make me more and more humble unto thee my God, and more and more meek amongſt57 thy children; conform me to that bleſſed pattern of true piety and patience; that as a ſheep in thy hands (my bleſſed Shearer) ſo I may be dumb, and not open my mouth againſt thee.
Lord baniſh from me all deſires of revenge; let Patience have its perfect work, to quiet me here, and crown me hereafter,
I confeſs my ſelf to be a great and grievous ſinner, and yet I am thy creature; my body is thine, and my ſoul is thine, both were joyned in thy creation, and both are joyned in my devotion; both have ſinned againſt thee, O let them both be humbled before thee, not to ſatisfie thy Juſtice, but to implore thy Mercy; not to merit thy Grace, but to magnifie thy Goodneſs.
Lord make me truly ſenſible of the greatneſs of thy miſery, that I may the more devoutly, the more ſincerely, ſue to thee for mercy: Forgive the many violent erupcions of my ſinfull paſſions, give me a meek and humble ſpirit, that I may happily enjoy thy preſence, and mine own content. Lord grant that I may patiently and joyfully imbrace the wrongs and injuries of this life, for thy ſake, who haſt been patient even to death for mine.
Let that be made eaſie unto me by thy grace; which by nature is impoſſible, that nothing may delight me but thy love, nothing grieve me but thy diſpleaſure, nothing offend me but thy diſhonour. Amen.
CHAP. 17. Upon mans inordinate love to the Creature.
WO is me that I am conſtrained to live in Meſhech, and to dwell in the tents of Cedar; wo is me that I was conceived in ſin, that I was born in ſin, and that I have ſo long been captive to the power of ſin: How vain am I, how wretched, to beguil my ſelf of reſt and quietneſs? O how unworthy to defile my Mariage vows, to proſtitute my love to theſe unclean, and falſe embraces of a ſ•nfull world, to dig unto my ſelf theſe broken Ciſterns of impure and empty joys, and to forſake thoſe living waters of eternall life: O wofull cateif, if I well conſider what I am; but ſar more wofull, if I ſeriouſly conſider what I ſhould be.
Lord, when I was in my blood, thou ſaidſt unto me, Live; when I was caſt out, and none eye pittied me, then thou hadſt mercy on me; when I was naked thou clothedſt me, when I was wounded thou healedſt me; nay more, Lord, thou didſt uncloath thy ſelf for me, and by thy wounds I am healed; when I was loathſom in mine own eyes, I was beautifull in thine; and when all this is not yet enough to manifeſt thy wonderfull compaſſions towards me, thou feedeſt me at thine own Table, thou lodgeſt me in thine own boſom, thou makeſt me partaker of thine own inheritance.
Bleſſed God, what couldeſt thou have done more for me that thou haſt not done? And yet for all this I forſake thee, I neglect thee, I59 abuſe thee, I adulterate thoſe many vows and promiſes I made unto thee: And now, Lord, when I am even aſhamed to preſent my ſelf before thee, when my falſe heart hath been ſo great a ſtranger to thy bleſſed boſom, that I am even afraid to kneel to thee for mercy; thou graciouſly forgiveſt me, thou bemoaneſt my ſin, thou hideſt my ſhaure, thou makeſt love unto me, and (to the wonder of my ſoul) delighteſt ſtill to ſet thy love upon me.
Thou, O my bleſſed Saviour, haſt told me, that if I were of this World, it would love me, but now I am not of this World, that the World hateth me: Lord, what madneſs is this in me to love mine utter enemy? to delight in her boſom, which hunteth for my precious life? to forlake thee, the pleaſant Lilly of the Vallies, the ſweet Refreſhments of Eternity, to weary out, and wound my ſoul amongſt the Bryars of this barren Wilderneſs? Thou Lord, haſt ſayd unto me, Ariſe my Love, my Fair one, and come away; thou inviteſt me from the ſhowers and tempeſts of a ſtormy Winter, from the cares and troubles of a diſcontented life, to the ſweet dews of thy graces, the gentle breathings of thy Spirit, the tender buds of thy love, the lovely bloſſems of thy goodneſs, the pleaſant fruit of thy promiſes, the joyfull crop of thy performances: And notwithſtanding all this I ſtill cry, yet a little more ſleep, yet a little more number, yet a little more folding of the hands together; yet a little more ſin, yet a little more ſhame, yet a little more ſorrow.
Ah, Lord, what is there in the creature, that thus ſtrangely bewitcheth me? or rather, what is there not in it, that is not every minute60 ready to betray me, and diſpoyl me of thoſe precious ornaments of ſoul which thou haſt given me; the cares and croſſes of this life aſflict me, the pleaſures beſot me, the profits diſturb me, pride puffeth me up, and even mine own heart deceiveth me; by calling good evill, and evill good; by making that ſweet in the expectation, which is bitter in the fruition: Lord, while I have ſought the creature, I have loſt my ſelf, my body in diſtempers, my ſoul in diſtractions.
That precious Faith which is the ground of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not ſeen, whoſe end is the ſalvation of my ſoul, which is thy gift who art the God of truth, is now drowned in a ſea of error, and juſtly given up to believe dreams and deluſions, and doctrines of Devils; to truſt wholly in vanity, and to follow after lying.
That ſaving knowledge, by which I was formerly enlightned in thy ſacred Truths, is now blinded with the ſoggy miſts of ſin and ignorance: This, Lord, is my great aggravation, and juſt condemnation, that light is come into the world, and I have loved darkneſs better than light.
That glorious hope which maketh not aſhamed, but exſpecteth an inheritance eternall in the heavens, which fadeth not away, is now become a vain and empty hope, delighted with ſin, rewarded with ſhame.
Thoſe bleſſed affections by which my happy ſoul was wont to walk in thy wayes, and to delight it ſelf in thy commands, are now wearied out in wayes of wickedneſs; and that heart which hath ſo often promiſed obedience unto thee any thy Laws, hath now forſaken61 thee the living God, and made a covenant with death and hell.
Thus am I robbed and ſpoyled of all, and am become poor, and wretched, and blind, and naked, and miſerable; my whole head is ſick, and my whole heart is faint; I have ſown in iniquity, and muſt reap in aſfliction; I am intoxicated with the wine of Errour, that ſtings me like a Scrpent, and bites me like a Cockatrice, and yet when I awake (ſuch is the ſadneſſe of my preſent condition) I ſay, I will ſeek it yet ſtill.
Lord, he that is once out of thy path, knoweth not the length of his journey, and may well fear to loſe himſelf for ever.
And now, Lord, what is my hope? truly my hope is even in thee; thou ſeeſt my weakneſſe, and accepteſt my willingneſſe: thou that knoweſt it impoſſible that the world ſhould be overcome by me, biddeſt me be of good comfort, becauſe thou (Lord) haſt overcome the world for me; if I fight not againſt thee, though I am often foyled, yet I am more than conquerour in thee.
O let this teach me joyfully to rely upon thee, to make thee the height of my joy, the end of my deſires, the onely happy and eternall object of my ſinfull ſoul: Lord, I heartily defire thee, I thankfully embrace thee, and doe for ever vow my ſoul and body to thee.
Suffer me not to wander from thy bleſſed preſence, let me not longer dally nor diſſemble with my ſoul; O let me not think that I then love thee, when I love but my ſelf in thee; make me now at laſt to know thoſe bleſſed things that belong to my peace, leſt they be for ever hid from mine eyes.
62Lord, by thy rich mercy I can now plainly ſee the vanity and emptineſſe of all theſe earthly objects, the folly and miſery of thoſe that reſt in them, the reſt and quietneſſe of thoſe that leaſt rely upon them; in this tranfitory beauty of the Creature, I can now behold the raviſhing perfections of the great Creato•r.
Lord, I now exceedingly deſire to know thee, that I may for ever love thee, that I may be ſick of love till I enjoy thee, that I may joyfully reſt in thee, and be eternally united to thee.
For thou, Lord, art infinitely ſweeter than the ſweetneſſe of thy Creatwes; they are all but emptineſſe and vanity, but in thy preſence is the fulneſſe of joy, and at thy right hand there are pleaſures for evermore.
O thou bleſsed Fountain of eternall goodneſse, forgive me mine offences, cover my ſins, and fix my ſoul upon the ſweetneſse of thy heavenly joyes; give me conſtancy and ſteadineſſe of heart, to cleave unto thee, and for thy mercy ſake remove all vain deſires that may betray me from thee.
O thou bleſſed Saviour of my ſinfull ſoul, by whoſe perſect obedience all my diſobedience is forgiven me; who haſt given thy ſelf for me, and to me; give me allſo unfeigned repentance, that I may heartily bewail the ſinfulneſse of my life paſt, that I may make a gratious improvement of my life preſent, and faithfully perform the vows and promiſes which I make unto thee, for the ſhort remainder of my life to come.
O bleſſed and eternall Comforter of all thoſe ſinfull ſouls that put their truſt in thee, give me a ſweet and full aſſurance of thy love in Chriſt; withdraw my wretched heart from vanity, inflame63 it with an earneſt and affectionate deſire to thee; open mine eyes, that I may ſee ſome glimps of thy celeſtiall joyes prepared for me; make me often to think of them, earneſtly to long for them, and readily and chearfully to part with all theſe earthly pleaſures to enjoy them.
Lord make me able to encounter and withſtand the ſtrong aſſaults of Satan, and this evill world; give me thy ſaving grace, and take from me what thou wilt; without thy bleſſed preſence, all theſe outward joyes are wearineſſe, and emptineſſe; without thee, even life it ſelf is bitterneſſe unto me; without thy love I ask it not of thee, yea I rather beg thee (Lord) to take it from me, that ſo I may be joyfully releaſed from the bondage of a ſinfull body, that I may love thee with a pure and ſpotleſſe ſoul, that all mine imperfections may be done away, that ſo I may ſecurely dwell with thee, in perfect holineſse, and endleſſe happineſse. Amen.
CHAP. 18. Upon the ſin of Uncleanneſſe, with encouragements to avoid it.
COnſider, O my Soul, in what a bleſſed relation thou now ſtandeſt to thy God; thou haſt lately grieved for thy ſins, and God hath allſo gratiouſly accepted of thy ſorrow, and thou art now at peace and union with him; his holy Spirit is thy Comforter, his holy Providence thy Guide, his holy Angels thy Guardians, his holy Saints thine Aſſiſtants; the Creatures without thee are at league and union64 with thee, and thy Conſcience within thee is a continuall feaſ•unto thee: while thus thou continueſt thy ſafety is inviolable, thy joy unutterable, thy peace unalterable.
Who can expreſſe the bleſſedneſſe of this condition? how raviſhing is this reviving preſence of the gladding Spirit, by which thou art ſuſtained ſweetly here, by which thou ſhalt be joyfully refreſht hereafter!
Wilt thou now loſe all this (O my Soul) for this falſe, this foul, this momentany pleaſure? wilt thou lodge this beaſtly ſin, where thou now lodgeſt thy Redeemer? Conſider how vain it is, how bitter it will be; think how many ſad thoughts, how many aking hearts, how many wounding ſighs, this fall of thine will coſt thee; what diſtempers of body, what diſturbance of ſoul, what unquietneſſe of ſleep, what checks of conſcience, what inward ſadneſſe in thy greateſt merriment, and (which is worſt of all) what a fearfull apprehenſion of Gods wrath in this life, and wofull expectation of judgement, and ſuffering of extremity of pains in Hell for ever.
Let not the vain hope of Gods mercy flatter thee; for while he is mercifull, he will be juſt, yea his mercy ſhall provoke his juſtice; if his patience and long-ſuffering doe not lead thee into timely repentance, his wrath and fury ſhall ſurely lead thee out to greater condemnation.
If cuſtome perſwade thee, let cuſtome allſo reclame thee; if thy fleſh murmur, thy ſpirit will rejoyce: O how happy wilt thou find this oppoſition! how glorious this victory! even but one bleſſed thought of amendment, is of more value than an age of ſin.
65Holy Saint Auguſtine, who was wont to nouriſh his laſcivious fleſh, and thought it then impoſſible to live without the luſtfull kiſſes of his Roman Dames, when once he had but reliſhed the raviſhing embraces of eternity, brake forth into this ſweet and moſt divine expreſſion, How truly ſweet is the loſſe of this earthly ſweetneſſe! thoſe tranſitory joyes which I was formerly afraid to loſe, I now rejoyce to baniſh; it was thou, O Lord, who didſt thruſt them out; it is thou, O Lord, who art entred in, who art ſweeter than all ſweetneſſe, &c.
Lord let this example move me to a bleſſed imitation of this bleſſed Saint, to take heed of holding conference with Satan, to labour to repell the very firſt motions to ſin; if I delight in his diſcourſe, I ſhall ſoon conſent to his counſell; if he feel me reſiſt, I ſhall find him give ground. Lord let me remember what I fight for, and follow my advantage with courage and ſucceſſe, that when my daies of warfare ſhall determine, I may ſay with joy and comfort, with thy bleſſed Apoſtle, I have fought a good fight, I have kept the faith, I have finiſhed my courſe, from henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteouſneſſe, which the Lord the righteous Judge ſhall give me at that day, and not unto me onely, but unto all thoſe that love and expect the day of his appearing, 2 Tim. 4.7, 8.
Lord,
Thou haſt often ſeen the weakneſse of thy ſinfull ſervant, how willingly, how wretchedly I have been yeelding to the falſe allurements of my ſinfull fleſh; how baſely I have given ground, even upon the very firſt aſſault, without deſire of reſiſtance, without care of repentance.
66I have hitherto been ſo far from ſorrowing for this ſin, that I have much delighted in it, and often grieved thee, my God, in framing of excuſes for it.
Bleſſed God, how rich is that peace which I enjoy by thee, how glorious that hope which I poſſeſſe in thee, how wonderfull that mercy I obtain from thee? and yet how careleſly, how coldly, have I parted from thee? Lord forgive what is paſt, reſtrain what is preſent, prevent what is to come: O let me enjoy no ſweetneſſe but in thee, who art nearer to me than I can be to my ſelf, who art ſweeter to me than the ſweetneſse of theſe earthly pleaſures.
O give me ſuch a bleſſed frame of heart, ſuch Angel-like integrity of ſoul, that my thoughts may be chaſt, my deſires holy, my words gratious, my actions good.
Give me a double portion of thy bleſſed Spirit, that I may double my obedience to thy ſweet commands, that I may taſt the comforts of thy heavenly joyes, and utterly abhor the falſe allurements of this ſinfull world.
Let the ſweet ſhowers of thy diſtilling graces allay theſe motions of concupiſcence, extinguiſh theſe devouring flames of luſt, that I may conſtantly and happily oppoſe this darling ſin to my laſt hour, and joyfully triumph with thee for ever. Amen.
CHAP. I. Upon immoderate Mirth, and the ſinfull inconveniencies thereof.
Lord,
IF I were this day to dye; If thou ſhouldeſt now ſay unto me, Give an account of thy Stewardſhip, for thou ſhalt be no longer St ward; if mine Audit were at this inſtant to be given up, and all mine actions this preſent hour to be account•d for, how ſadly ſhould I look upon that loſt time which hath been ſpent in ſin? how many vain Items muſt needs appear to my deſerved ſhame, and ondleſs forrow? So many minutes waſted in unclean and wanton cogitations; ſo many dayes and nights in frivolous and idle diſcourſe; ſo many weeks, and moneths, and yeares, in vain and finfull actions: How full of horror and confuſion would this Account appear, even to mine own eies With what face ſhould I dare preſent itunto thine? What would I not now give to purchaſe but ſome ſmall reſpite to redeem this wofull waſte, this vain expence of time? What ſerious vows, and faithfull promiſes ſhould I now make of amendment? What conſtant houres would be now dedicated to thy ſervice? my whole life would now ſeem too little to bewail my ſolly, to redeem my loſs.
O what madneſs is it then, while I have dayes of mercy, to deſpiſe them, to abuſe them, to be utterly neglective of them? What is it, Lord, that I ſo eagerly perſue? Even the very heighth of all mine outward happineſs, is but a ſhort crackling of thorns, a ſudden blaze,68 which may ſeem to warm me, but can never throughly heat me; Wo be to that ſoul for ever, that can find no refreſhment but in this momentany fire; If thy Grace, Lord, cannot warm me, thy Glory will not comfort me.
There can be no true joy but in godly ſorrow; The heart of the wiſe is in the houſe of mourning, the heart of fools in the houſe of mirth, Eccl. 7.6. The luxurious Wanton may be carnally joyfull, but the penitent Chriſtian is cordially merry.
There is no better tryal of this truth (Lord) than from thine own mouth, who wert a man of ſorrows; thou, O Lord, haſt told me, That I ſhall weep, but the world ſhall rejoyce; that I ſhall ſorrow, but my ſorrow ſhall be turned into joy, and my joy ſhall no man take from me, John 16.20.
Deceive not thy ſelf therefore (O my ſoul) for if thou walkeſt too far in this enticing path, thou art out of thy way to Heaven; and thou mayſt go ſo far in it as to loſe thy ſelf, and by a cuſtomary freedom of thy Chriſtian liberty, ſoon find ſo great an indiſpoſition unto God, and goodneſs, that unleſs the bleſſed Shepheard of thy ſoul vouchſafe to find thee, by his ſaving grace, it is improbable, nay it is impoſſible that thou ſhouldſt ever return.
Canſt thou be ſo ſenſleſs to believe that thou art Chriſts Diſciple, when thou wilt not bear his Croſs? Did ever any of his followers enjoy heaven without violence? without beating down their bodies? without cheriſhing their ſoules? without much weeping, faſting, praying, ſighing, groaning for their ſins? without being crucified unto the world, and the world unto69 them? without checking, and controlling their unruly luſts? without utterly forſaking all this earthly traſh? and joyfully accounting it as loſs and dung to poſſeſs Chriſt?
Look upon the Prophets, Apoſtles, Martyrs, Virgins, Fathers of the Church, and all the bleſſed company of Saints, in all times, places, Ages of the world, and thou ſhalt find them all to uſe this world as if they uſed it not; quietly, ſparingly, ſoberly; Iſaac at his evening devotion in the ſolitary fields, Eliah at his private Carmel, the Baptiſt in the deſart, St. Paul in his deſires out of the body, and with Chriſt, holy Simeon in his Pillar, Saint Jerome in his Cave, all of them and innumerable more of Gods Saints, were true Benonies, ſonnes of ſorrow and affliction.
Lord, with how much fervour, and alacrity of ſoul, did theſe thy bleſſed ones purſue thy heavenly joyes? what ſharp combats had they to overcome themſelves? And if ſuch choſen and ſelect veſſels as theſe, have had ſuch great ſtrivings, ſuch powerfull conflicts with their finfull bodies? what will become of me? th•t have obeyed ſin in the luſts thereof, that can find no pleaſure but in folly, no laughter but in madneſs.
Conſider therefore, O my ſoul, whilſt thou haſt yet time, that there is no truer character of a graeeleſs heart, than prophane mirth; thou art too ready to believe, that God is mercifull, that all thy ſins may be forgiven thee in a moment; that the good Thief was ſaved at the laſt hour, and that therefore thou mayſt ſtill go on in wickedneſs. God indeed is allwayes ready to ſhew mercy, but it is onely unto thoſe that are ready to repent: And how knowed thou70 whether God will accept thee in that hour? Whether he may not, whether he will not, then withdraw his ſaving grace from that ſinfull ſoul, which hath ſo long withdrawn it ſelf from his ſervice: This is that which thy bleſſed Saviour telleth thee, Not every one which crieth Lord, Lord, ſhall enter into the Kingdom of heaven, but he that doth the will of my Father which is in heaven, Matth. 7 21.
And leſt perpaps that one example of the dying Penitent may flatter thee, conſid•r of the time, the place, the manner of his ſtrange converſion: This was aſſuredly (ſaith St Auguſtine) to manifeſt the power and Godhead of a dying Saciour, and that upon the rare conſeſſion of an Infidell, and that at ſuch a time when all the world forſook him, and even his own Diſciples either doubted, or denied his Godhead.
Alaſs, how little comfort canſt thou now reap from this example: how ſhould it rather affright thee, to ſee bu•one ſoul amongſt ſo many millions to obtain mercy at the laſt hour, & that upon ſuch weighty circumſtances? on what a weak foundation doeſt thou build thy hopes of happineſs? how eaſily will that devouring ſtorm of thine accuſing conſcience ruin it? and then how great the fall will be, the fearfull horror of thy loſt eſtate will wofully expreſs.
Lord, let this teach me to redeem thoſe precious hours which I have loſt: O let each wanton thought, each idle word; be monitors to tell me how my Audit ſtands with heaven. I can ſpeak nothing, I can doe nothing, which I can recall; each circumſtance of ſin is charged in mine account, and muſt be reckoned for: how careful ſhould this make me of the-expenſe of that time that is recorded for eternity? Thou,71 O Lord, art holyneſs it ſelf, thy Saints and Angels are holy, and thy children muſt be holy; nothing but holineſs can inherit heaven, no unclean pleaſure, no impure joy ſhall enter there: How can I ever hope to be an inhabitant of that holy City, whoſe heavenly language I cannot ſpeak?
And now, Lord, ſeeing theſe things are thus, by thine aſſiſting grace, I ſeriouſly reſolve to allow my ſelf no pleaſure in this life, but what is ſanctified with moderation; becauſe I clearly ſee, theſe outward pleaſures to be onely ſo far uſefull unto me, as by them I am made more ſerviceable unto thee: Moderate and honeſt repaſt, ſets an edge upon my ſoul, and makes it more earneſt, more-active in devotion; when I take up pleaſure as a trade, I become a Traytor to my body, a Tyrant to my ſoul.
Lord, I am now heartily in love with heaven, and grudge at that hours liberty in outward merriment, that maketh not the next more eager of mine inward comfort; There is no ſweetneſs but in goodneſs, and there is no goodneſs in that mirth which is not ſubordinate to this ſweetneſs: Chriſtian liberty may be eaſily miſtaken, and become licentious wickedneſs; there is often-times moſt danger in thoſe things which ſeem moſt neceſſary, if not uſed with moderation.
And now Lord, having ſeriouſly conſidered what time is, and wherefore, I admire the folly, and lament the miſery of all thoſe whoſe onely aim is to miſ-ſpend it: My dayes are few, and full of evil, O let my greateſt care be to husband my time well; I have much buſineſs, and great, to diſpatch, and I know not whether this dayes l•ght may be my laſt; Mine72 eternity of joy or ſorrow, hath its dependance on this ſhort moment: If I think upon it ſeriouſly, I ſhall grudge to ſpend one minute vainly: Lord, there is no diſtinction of time with thee, one day with thee is as a thouſand years, and a thouſand years as one day; O let me ſeriouſly conſider, that with me there is, that I muſt work while it is called to day, that mine houres are ſwift and ſhort, that the night of death cometh when I cannot work; that the end of all things cometh, when time ſhall be no more: By thy grace therefore I will piouſly devote the remnant of my life to holy duties, ſo ſhall mine age of ſin be nothing in thy ſight; and one day well ſpent (in thy remembrance) as a thouſand years.
Bleſſed Lord,
Wilt thou accept of ſuch a ſinfull creature as I am to appear before thee, to approach unto thee, to ſue to thee for mercy? How bold am I to look up unto thee with theſe adulterous eyes, that have ſo long been gazing on theſe earthly joyes? how much preſuming on thy mercy, to implore thee with that tongue, that hath ſo much provoked thy diſpleaſure? how impudent to offer that diſloyall heart unto thee, that hath ſo faſt been wedded to this ſinfull world?
Lord, when mine own wretchedneſs had brought thy gracious viſitation on me, when thy hand preſsed me ſore, when thine arrows ſtuck faſt in me, and the venome of them drank up my ſpirits; when my heart was in hcavineſs, and my ſoul in bitterneſs, when my life was drawing near unto the grave, when mine own conſcience pleaded powerfully againſt me, and the terrors of a ſecond death73 were ready to devour me; I then earneſtly implored thee for mercy, and thou freely forgaveſt me; I then begged my life of thee, that I might thankfully devote the remnant of my life unto thee.
Ah Lord, how wretchedly hath mine own heart deceived me? what ſerious vows, and faithfull promiſes did I then make unto thee? and yet how careleſly, how fooliſhly am I departed from thee? how vainly have I trifled out that precious time which thou haſt given me? how juſtly mayſt thou now deprive me of this wretched life, by which I have ſo much diſhonored thee?
And now, Lord, when I have even wearied out my ſelf in wickedneſs, when my ſoul is overcharged with ſin, and my heart with ſorrow; when the vanity of this life is ready to forſake me, and there is nothing left but miſery and ſhame to ſeize upon me; I have not yet reſolved ſeriouſly to come unto thee.
Lord, leave me not unto the weakneſſe of mine own infirmities, expoſe mee not unto the raging hillowes of theſe ſtrong temptations, ſuffer me not to ſink into this depth of ſin, to be deſtroyed by this dreadful ſtorm of Satan, and mine own accuſing conſcience; rebuke theſe windes and waves, and cauſe a bleſſed calm within me; reach out thy hand of mercy, and ſupport me; ſtrengthen my drooping ſoul, that I may joyfully, and faithfully lay hold upon thee: give me a fixed heart, that I may ſeriouſly return unto thee, and may this hour be graciouſly accepted of thee.
Lord wean me from the falſe imbraces of this evill world, turn all theſe ſinfull joyes to bitterneſs unto mee, make me to ſee their74 foulneſſe and deformity, their emptineſſe and vanity, their ſhortneſs and uncertainty, their falſhood and flattery, their wearineſſe and miſery.
O let my heart be filled, let my ſoul be raviſhed with thoſe tranſcendent joyes of thine which are for ever; give me a joyfull ſoul to reſt ſecurely in them, a ready heart devoutly thankfull for them.
Lord moderate my deſires to outward injoyments; let me relliſh no ſweetneſſe but in thy love, no goodneſſe but in thy grace, no comfort but in the full aſſurance of thy glory.
Forgive thoſe wretched houres which have been ſtoln from thy ſervice: O Lord, my God, I heartily bewail them, and willingly reſolve to ſpend my days in ſorrow for them.
Make me more watchfull over my corrupt heart, more carefull of my precious time, more ſerious in the weighty work of my ſalvation; more ſorrowfull for ſin, more mindfull of the hour of death and day of judgejudgement: That ſo I may affect the pleaſures of this life ſoberly, enjoy them ſparingly, and leave them cheerfully. Amen.
CHAP. 20. Upon the great danger of deferring the hour of repentance.
COnſider, O my Soul, of the great danger of delaying thy repentance; of judging that ſo eaſy, which will prove ſo difficult; of thinking that allmoſt finiſht, which is ſcarce yet begun: Believeſt thou it will ſuffice thee to have ſome tranſitory thoughts of thine amendment, to have perhaps ſome pinching ſighs, ſome ſtings of conſcience, ſome ſhews of ſorrow for thy ſins; to hang down thy head like a bulruſh for a day, and yet afterwards to return with the dog to thy filthy vomit, and with the ſow to the wallowing in the naſty mire of ſin: While thou continueſt in this courſe, thy hopes of amendment are extreme doubtfull, of reconciliation dangerous, of repentance deſperate.
If ever thou hopeſt to inherit heaven, let not Satan thus delude thee; look well into thine evill and corrupt heart, and thou ſhalt there find, that this is not the cure, but the diſcaſe of ſin; that thou grieveſt not for thine offence, but for thy puniſhment; that thou mayſt yet go much farther in this ſuppoſed path of thy repentance, and ſtill be far ſhort of that ſincerity of heart which God requireth of thee, and yet have no part nor fellowſhip in Chriſt: Thou mayſt with Saul expreſs thy ſorrow with thy tears; with thoſe Beleevers in the Goſpel, receive the word with joy; with Demas, ſhew thine inward grace by thine outward obedience; and in ſome ſort be made partaker of the76 Holy Ghoſt, and have a taſt of the good things of the world to come; and yet for all this, come far ſhort of this unfeigned work of true repentance. Alaſs, what can it profit thee to bewail that ſin which thou wilt not forgo? what reward canſt thou expect for that obedience which ſo ſoon fainteth? what comfort in that joy which is but temporary?
Remember how great a work thou haſt in hand, how many millions of loſt ſouls complain eternally in hell of this neglect; O look into the foulneſs of thy ſin, and then into the trueneſs of thy ſorrow: If thou art Gods child, thou wilt be grieved for offending of ſo good a Father; thou wilt abhor that ſin that hath ſo much provoked his diſpleaſure, thou wilt moſt ſolemnly proteſt againſt it, and ſeriouſly reſolve for ever to avoyd it; thy ſin will be ever before thee, to humble thee here, to exalt thee hereafter.
Thy degrees of ſin will have thy degrees of ſorrow; thy meaſure of pollution will require thy meaſure of ſanctification: As thou haſt given up thy members to be ſervants of ſin, ſo thou muſt now yeeld them up to be weapons of righteouſneſs; as thou haſt been drowned in pleaſure, ſo thou muſt be drencht in tears; yea thoſe tears will be thy dayly food, to nouriſh thee in grace, to enrich thee in glory.
O how truly-bleſſed is that ſoul, which hath unfeignedly reſolved on this good, this great, this neceſſary work? that can cheerfully and joyfully expreſs it ſelf with holy David, and ſay, Lord I am bowed down greatly, I goe mourning all the day long, I have roared out for very anguiſh and unquietneſs of heart. If thou haſt Davids ſorrow (O my ſoul) thou ſhalt aſſuredly have77 Davids joy, thou ſhalt ſay with him allſo, Lord I am thy child, and the ſon of thine handmaid, thou haſt broken my bonds in ſunder, Pſal. 116.16. Satan may now tempt thee, and through thy frailty and infirmity prevail againſt thee; but to become a cuſtomer to evill, the powers of hell cannot entice thee; a thouſand worlds are not now of that value with thee, as the joyfull remembrance of thy paſſed dangers, thy preſent comfort, thy future ſafety.
Thou haſt now ſeen (O my ſoul) how abſolutely neceſſary this great work is; think now how happy will be the performance, how full of danger the delay: the longer thou continueſt in ſin, the more remote thou art from grace; What extreme folly is this in thee, to deprive thy ſelf of that friend, of whom thou haſt moſt need? If thou findeſt thy ſelf ſo backward to this holy duty now, how averſe wilt thou be hereafter, when ſin is more deeply rooted in thee, the devill in more firm poſſeſſion of thee, and God himſelf removed further off from thee?
From whence now are theſe falſe hopes, theſe vain promiſes of future happineſs? how dareſt thou refuſe theſe gracious offers of eternity? how full of doubtfulneſs and extreme hazard is this falſe aſſurance of that holy Spirit, which thou haſt ſo often grieved? Be not deceived, God is not mocked, look what a man ſoweth, even that ſhall he reap; he that ſoweth in the fleſh, ſhall reap corruption; he that ſoweth in the Spirit, life everlaſting: If thou wilt not hear Gods call in this life, he will not hear thine in that to come; if thou wilt not mourn for thy ſins here, thou ſhalt howl for them for ever. And who ſhall then have pitty upon thee? or who78 ſhall be ſorry for thee? or who ſhall pray for thy peace? thou haſt abandoned me (ſaith God) thou haſt gone from me, and now will I ſtretch out my hand againſt thee to deſtroy thee. Jerem. 15.5, 6
Lord, let this teach me to deal truly with my ſelf, to ſearch narrowly for ſin, timely for ſorrow, and ſpeedily for pardon. Seek the Lord, O my ſoul, while he may be found, for in the great water-floods (of his eternall wrath) thou ſhalt not come nigh him.
Lord,
I have ſinned, and I deſire to repent; I have layen long feſtering in the grave of ſin, and cannot be now raiſed without a miracle.
I have ſinned in delight, in conſent, in action, in cuſtom, in long continuance of cuſtom; without remorſe of conſcience, without thought of repentance: I am grown old and impudent in ſin, and am no more worthy to be called thy child.
Lord, I am become loathſom to my ſelf, how much more odious unto thee, who art a God of pure eyes, and canſt behold none iniquitie.
I have ſinned againſt thee, I cannot repent but by thee; my tranſgreſſion is active, my obedience paſſive, I can no more ariſe from ſin than death, even this deſire of ſorrow is from thee; the repair of my corruption is the work of thy creation; when thou haſt raiſed me by thy grace, thou ſupporteſt me by thy goodneſse, thou leadeſt me by thy providence, thou draweſt me by thy patience, thou compelleſt mee by thy power.
Such is my weakneſs, ſuch is my feebleneſs by79 nature, that I cannot riſe without thee, that I cannot ſtand without thee when I am raiſed by thee; ſuch is my ſtrength, ſuch is my ability by grace, that I am able to go with thee, that I am joyfull to run after thee.
Lord quicken and revive me from the death of ſin, and grave of miſery; ſuſtain my wounded conſcience with the ſweetneſs of thy ſaving promiſes; let thy patience and long-ſuffering lead me in to repentance, thy holy Spirit unto perfect holineſs, and endleſs happineſs.
Lord Jeſus draw me, and I ſhall joyfully run after thee; my body in obedience to my ſoul, my ſoul and body in obedience to thy bleſſed will, more zealouſly, more willingly, more conſtantly to my lives end. Amen.
CHAP. 21. Upon Servile fear, and the danger thereof.
NO child can fear his father as lie ought, that is not jealous of his fathers honour, that is not feelingly affected with his injuries, and zealouſly devoted to perpetuate his praiſe; and it is as equally impoſſible that this father can affect that ſon, whoſe obedience is rather enforced by power, than invited by affection.
If this be ſo in Nature, it is much more ſo in Grace; for thou, O Lord, art now a double father to me, thou art my father by creation, and my father by redemption: Lord, as thou haſt doubled thy goodneſs towards me, I80 ſhould have doubled my return of thankfulneſs towards thee: Thy love to me is abſolute, no breach can diſſolve it, no time determine it; thy love to me was from the beginning, and whom thou loveſt thou loveſt to the end: My love to thee is fickle, falſe, and full of imperfections; and if my filiall fear, even in my reſt performances, be full of ſpots and blemiſhes in thy ſight, how moſt deformed ſhall I appear, when I ſerve thee with an irreligious, and ungodly fear? when I doe thy will repiningly, and coldly, not for love of thy mercy, but for fear of thy juſtice? when I am knowingly and willingly conſenting to thy great diſhonour; when I am ſo zealous in the worlds cauſe, yea, too too often, in the devils cauſe, and ſo benummed in thine; when ſorrows diſmay me, and ſins delight me.
Ah Lord! how far am I from what I ought to be? If I go on in this path, I periſh everlaſtingly; while I continue in this courſe of diſobedience, I hang over hell fire by the ſlender twig of an uncertain life, and if that once break, my loſs is irrecoverable: Thou Lord haſt ſayd it (and thy word is truth) He which denieth me before men, him will I deny before my Father which is in heaven: Lord let this teach me to delight in thy ſervice, to be jealous of thine honor, to thirſt for thy favour, to tremble at thy frown, to ſubmit to thy rod, to think nothing too dear to part withall, to purchaſe thy grace, to promote thy glory. Thou, O Lord, loveſt not a cowardly Chriſtian; if I prefer any thing to thy love, I am moſt unworthy of it; that friendſhip is too dearly bought, which cannot be enjoyed without the loſs of thy favour.
If my brother offend me, I will labour to reſtore him with the ſpirit of meekneſs, leſt81 whilſt I ſtudy to rebuke another, I become guilty my ſelf: No ſin ſhal paſs me without ſome ſhew of diſtaſt, without ſome feeling of my Makers injury, and my brothers miſery; If I be not moved with compaſſion for anothers ſin, I ſhall never be moved with contrition for mine own; ſuch comfort as I can willingly afford another, I may well hope ſhall be graciouſly conferred on my ſelf.
In my reproof of ſin I will obſerve theſe holy cautions, leſt while I endeavour to become ſerviceable unto thee, I prove injurious to my neighbour: Private ſins ſhall not have publique reprehenſions; neither ſhall publique ſins be undecently reproved by me a private perſon; Piety muſt not confound Charity, nor Religion Policy. Lord, I may eaſily tranſgreſs, even in my beſt intentions; how grievouſly have I then failed in my rebellious actions? when I have not feared thee with that ſincerity of heart which becometh thy child; when I have not loved thee for that beauty, for that richneſs, for that goodneſs which thou art, but for thoſe outward bleſſings which I enjoy from thee; when I ſerve thee for baſe and by reſpects, ſuch, and ſo unbeſeeming my profeſſion, ſo far below that ſoul which thou haſt given me, that thou mayſt juſtly now withhold thy bleſſings from me; when I have hitherto ſought but my ſelf in thee, when my thoughts have been carnall, my words hypocriticall, my ſervice deceitfull.
To thy glory (Lord) and mine own deſerved ſhame, I willingly confeſs, that I have not only ſinned through the frailty of my nature, but I have ſinned allſo with an high hand; ſin hath not onely ſurpriſed me at unawares, but I have obeyed it in the luſts thereof, with willingneſs,82 with greedineſs, with joyfulneſs; I have not onely corrupted mine own wayes before thee, by mine own ſins, but I have allſo fooliſhly contracted others faults, by hearing and ſeeing thee my God diſhonored in vain and ſinfull diſcourſe, in more vain and ſinfull exceſs, without ſhew of diſlike, without thought of reproof; yea, Lord, I have added unto others ſins by mine example, while I have feared to reprove that which I have known to be diſtaſtfull unto thee, while I have ſeemed to love that which hath been hatefull to mine own ſoul: With thoſe time-pleaſing Rulers in the Goſpel, I have believed in thee, but becauſe of the Phariſees (becauſe of outward reſpects) I have feared to confeſs thee; and have loved the praiſe of men more than the praiſe of God.
But thou, Lord (who art infinitely good, and ever ready to forgive, whoſe wiſe and over ruling Providence is only able to produce the greateſt good out of the greateſt evill) Pardon and paſs by my many and my weak compliances of ſinfu•l nature; ſupply my defects, accept my deſires, incourage my endeavours: Let thy power be magnified in my weakneſs, thy love in my willfulneſs, thy grace in my ſinfulneſs.
Suffer me not (O Lord) to run from thee, by a baſe and ſervile fear of thy Juſtice, O let me rather run into the boſom of thy love by a filiall fear, in ſweet and ſafe aſſurance of thy mercy.
Lord make me to ſee the fearfulneſs and uglineſs of ſin, by the bright rayes of thy celeſtiall beauty: O let me patiently, and joyfully, and thankfully, endure thy ſweet chaſtiſements83 for it, and ſpeedily, and conſtantly withdraw my longings from it.
Give me an yearning and relenting ſoul for grieving thy good Spirit; give me (O Lord) that chaſt and bleſſed fear belonging onely to thy children, that I may not fear thee to tremble at thee, but to love thee, to honor thee, to delight in thee, to enjoy thee.
Lord, make me jealous of every deed, of every word, of every thought that may diſpleaſe thee, and truly penitent for all thoſe ſins by which I have ſo much diſhonoured thee: Indue me with a loyall heart to love thee truly as I ought; ſtrengthen this love with holy confidence, and happy perſeverance, that may for ever haniſh this unholy fear; that ſo my joyfull ſoul may live above the reach of humane miſery; that I may be capable of no fear but of offending thee; and that I may not onely fear thee my ſelf, but be jealous allſo of thy fear in others.
Lord, let nothing in this life withdraw me from a zealous and a conſtant love to thy ſervice, from a faithfull and devout indeavour to promote thy glory; that ſo I may be ever found truly obedient unto thee, my God, religiouſly acquainted with the affairs of this life, piouſly affected to the good of mine own ſoul. Amen.
CHAP. 22. Upon the great neglect of reckoning daily with our conſciences, and the benefits loſt thereby.
COnſider, O my ſoul, how venomous the nature of ſin is; if thou canſt afford to ſleep in ſmall ſins, thou wilt not ſtick to welcom greater. Sin is of an incroaching nature; if thou ſuffer it to ſleep in thy boſom, it will expect to dwell there: Little ſins are harbingers to bigger ones; if thou lodgeſt theſe, thoſe will challenge entertainment: Let each evening therefore take a ſtrict accompt of that daies action, and where thou findeſt thy ſelf failing, pray heartily for pardon.
In thine entrance upon this holy courſe, thou wilt ſurely find three potent oppoſitions: Satan will tell thee, that God requireth no ſuch ſtrictneſs at thy hands; the World will tell thee, thou haſt this, or that employment to conſider of; thine own Corruption will perſwade thee, that nature will abhor this diſcontented courſe, that thy ſpirits will be too much dulled, and thy life will prove uncomfortable.
Alaſs my ſoul, theſe are deluſions to betray thee to a greater miſchief. As there are degrees of Sanctification, ſo there are of Pollution; no man becometh evill in an inſtant: from hence it is, that ſometimes the ſoul can ſtart even at the very thought of that ſin, which by degrees it can digeſt without diſturbance. If holy David had accounted with his conſcience, after his luſtfull looks on Bathſheba, doubtleſs thoſe fearfull85 ſins of his had never been committed. O let not any vain pretences deter thee from this task, but the bleſſed benefits allure thee; if the entrance be harſh, the progreſs will be ſafe, the continuance ſweet, the end happy.
By this enquiry thou ſhalt ſee thy ſins (thoſe great diſturbers of thy p•ace) arraigned, convicted, condemned, and by the mercy of thy Saviour dayly dying in thee; Satan repulſed, the gifts and graces of Gods holy Spirit ſtrengthened, thy mournings comforted, thine infirmities ſuſteined, thy conſcience quitted, thy rejoycings exalted, the holy Angels delighted, and thy heavenly Father well pleaſed. O how truly bleſſed are theſe enjoyments! what ſoul can be now ſad in this enquiry?
Lord, I now ſolemnly reſolve upon this ſafe, this ſweet, this bleſſed task; I willingly abandon all excuſes that may hinder me, and joyfully embrace thoſe happy duties which invite me nearer to thy heavenly preſence; thy yoak is eaſie, and thy burthen light; when thy grace hath redeemed me from the bondage of ſin, and reſtored me into the glorious liberty of thy child en, I ſhall then find (to my ſouls comfort) that thy ſervice is perfect fre•dom•, from ſin, from ſhame, from death, from hell; from all miſeries here, from all torments hereafter.
Be warie therefore, O my ſoul, and carefull to remove all lets that may diſable thee, but thoſe eſpecially that turn me from a Chriſtian to a beaſt. Satan hath many wayes to couzen me; when he cannot beguile my judg•ment, he will betray mine affections, and lead me by a ſeeming good, in friendly ſociety, to a••call evill in exceſs, and ſo when he cannot corrupt86 my intentions, he will undoubtedly divert mine actions, as well knowing it is impoſſible for him to be devout, who is not temperate.
Lord, by how much Satan is more powerfull and malicious, by ſo much make me more wiſe and circumſpect, that my intentions may be good, my words gracious, my actions vertuous, my life holy, my death happy.
Bleſſed God,
How large a portion of my little time have I beſtowed on ſin? how eager have I been of it? how negligent in asking pardon for it?
Lord pardon my unmindfulneſs of holy duties, make me more watchfull for the time to come, that I may conſtantly reſolve upon amendment of my evill wayes, and willingly endure thy fatherly afflictions for them.
Forgive thoſe ſinfull houres that have unfitted me for thy ſervice; ſuffer me not, O Lord, to wander in the waies of wickedneſs, and when at any time the frailty of my wretched fleſh ſhall tempt me to exceed thoſe bleſſed bounds which thou haſt ſet me, O let thy ſaving grace reſtrain me; let not this ſinfull freedom captivate my precious ſoul, to thy diſhonour, and mine own deſerved ſhame; but let thy gladding Spirit be my joyfull comfort, to refreſh me in life, and protect me in death.
Make me more zealous, more intent upon the wayes of godlineſs; Lord ſuffer not my pious reſolutions to abate with any outward obſtacles; let me not lean upon theſe broken reeds, but reſt on thee the rock of my defence and ſafety.
Make me content to leave theſe earthly vanities for thy ſake, who wert willing to forgoe Thy heavenly Throne for mine; though the frailty87 of my nature hath too often led me into the bondage of ſin, yet let the freedome of thy grace now guide me into the footſteps of ſorrow, that this bleſſed ſorrow may be turned into joy, and that this joy the world may not take from me.
Lord open mine eyes, that I may ſee the bleſſedneſſe of goodneſſe, the perfect freedome of thy ſervice, the glorious liberty of thy children; ſo ſhall I willingly ſubmit to thy commands, and joyfully partake of thy rewards.
Bleſſed God, with humbleneſſe of ſoul I offer up my ſelf unto thee; Lord Jeſus accept of me, and ſo aſſiſt me with thy grace, that I may wholly dedicate my ſelf to thy glory. Amen.
CHAP. 23. Upon Unchriſtianlike dulneſſe in affliction.
Lord,
I cannot live without croſſes, unleſſe I can live without ſin; when they come therefore, I will bid them welcome for thy ſake, from whom they are ſent; not one of them can afflict me without thy leave, who haſt directed their courſe, limited their power; let me not repine at that which I have juſtly d•ſerved; let me rather rejoyce, that thou vouchſafeſt me this favour; if I were not thy child, I ſhould not be under thy rod; if thou Lord didſt not love me, thou wouldſt not ſcourge me; no outward thing can ſo well aſſure me of thy favour, as the fellowſhip of thy ſufferings; for if I ſuffer88 with thee, I ſhall aſſuredly be glorified together with thee.
Holy David was in trouble, and it was good for him: O let not that which was good for him, be evill for me. Lord, if thy phyſick be bitter, yet it is wholſome; if it make me heartſick now, it will make me healthfull hereafter; if I diſturb it not by mine impatience, it will work in me the quiet and the happy fruits of true repentance, and amendment of mine evill waies; it will remember me that I am a Stranger, and a Pilgrim here, that there is nothing in this life but wearine e and ſorrow; it will drive me from the penury of ſin, and tyranny of Satan, to the riches of grace, and liberty of goodneſſe; it will encourage me to walk worthy of the richneſſe of my calling in Chriſt Jeſus; it will make me willing to goe home to thee my heavenly Father, where I ſhall feel no more pain, find no more ſorrow, ſuffer no more affliction, where thou Lord wilt wipe away all tears from mine eyes, all grief from my heart.
Thou (O Lord) alone knoweſt my diſeaſe, and canſt beſt temper my potion; each degree muſt be anſwered, ſo much ſinfull pleaſure as I enjoy, ſo much ſorrow muſt I drink (and woe be unto me for ever if I drink it not) if I taſt not of this cup here, I ſhall drink of the very dregs in hell: Thou, O Lord, who haſt freely forgiven me my ſins, haſt not fully remitted my puniſhments; thou who didſt undergoe the miſery of life, and the bitterneſſe of death for me, haſt neither bought off the one, nor taken off the other, from me; by thy ſufferings I am fully and for ever freed from the guilt and torments of ſin; by mine own corruptions I am89 liable unto the act of ſin, and ſo even unto death allſo, as a temporall puniſhment for ſin: Thou cameſt not, O Lord, wholly to aboliſh ſin in me, but to become righteouſneſſe, and ſanctification, and redemption unto me; not to abate my ſorrows, but to uphold my ſufferings; that I being thereby made conformable unto thee in grace, may hereafter be partaker with thee of thy heavenly glory.
How fearfull ought this to make me to commit ſin? how carefull to avoid occaſions of allurements to it? how thankfull, how joyfull, to receive Gods Fatherly chaſtiſements for it? I may here ſee, and joyfully admire, the wiſedome, juſtice; goodneſſe, mercy, of my heavenly Father; his juſtice, in puniſhing ſin; his wiſedome, in the proportion and end of this puniſhment; his goodneſſe, by ſuſteining me under it, by redeeming me from it; his mercy, by making it to work for me a far more exceeding, and eternall weight of glory.
Lord he that can droop under thy Croſſe, ſhall never follow thee to thy Crown; when I once find the lightneſſe of this load, by the ſtrength of thy ſupporting grace, I ſhall then feel, to my ſouls exceeding comfort, that one ſin is of more weight than an age of ſorrow.
And now Lord, I am joyfully prepared for the worſt of afflictions, which either ſin or Satan, life or death, can bring upon me; ſcourge me, launce me, bruiſe me, break me, doe what thou wilt with me here, ſo thou ſpare me for ever; Lord, allthough thou killeſt me, yet will I truſt in thee, for I know aſſuredly, that all theſe outward things ſhall work together for the beſt for me; and that my preſent ſufferings thou haſt ſent in mercy to me, to humble me for ſin,90 to preſerve me from ſhame; I kiſſe them, I embrace them, and am ſincerely thankfull for them. Lord let me clearly ſee for what ſin thou haſt inflicted this puniſhment, that I may bewail it, abhor it, forſake it, implore thy pardon for it; when I am thus armed, I ſhall be able to encounter thy fierceſt affliction; if I am found naked, the weakeſt will foyl me.
To thee, O Lord, whoſe wiſe and over-ruling hand diſpoſeth all occurrences of life, and ſweetly guides them to the good of thy children, doe I addreſſe my ſinfull ſoul, for mercy and protection.
Lord open mine eyes, that I may ſee and believe the conſtancy of thy love, in the mutability. of mine outward condition.
Give me a patient and a willing heart to welcome all the changes of this preſent life, to be humble under them, to rejoyce in them, and be thankfull for them.
Forgive the pride of heart, and prodigality of hand, attending on my proſperous eſtate; my great repinings, and ungodly paſſions, incident to my declining happineſſe, and increaſing miſery.
As thou haſt weaned me from the pleaſures of this life, by the rod of thine afflictions, ſo wean me allſo from the ſins of this life, by the ſtaff of thy conſolations, that ſo my heart may be wholly taken off from all earthly enjoyments; that I may become even as a weaned child, to forgoe willingly what thou denieſt me, to receive quietly what thou provideſt for me.
What I want of theſe outward bleſſings, ſupply•nto me by thine inward comforts, which are in•finitely better for me, and ſhall be therefore•ver dearer to me. Lord furniſh me with91 graces ſuitable to all events, and able to encourage me in all afflictions.
Lord ſanctifie this preſent ſorrow to my ſinfull ſoul; ſo ſweeten it by thy grace, that it may bring forth in me the quiet, and the happy fruits of righteouſneſſe: Make it a ſure pledge of thy fatherly affections towards me; let it daily and hourely draw me nearer to thy preſence; let it wean me from the miſeries of ſin, and at laſt bring me to the ſweet fruition of eternitie. Amen.
CHAP. 24. Upon Unchearfulneſs in Chriſtianity, with incouragements to avoyd it.
AH Lord, from whence is my uncheerfulneſs, my dulneſs in my Chriſtian calling? how much below that glorious hope which thou haſt given me? When I conſider of the richneſs of thy love in Chriſt, I find thee to be all in all unto me, and may well wonder at mine own unthankfulneſs, and ignorance, that is ſtll doting on this worlds nothing and uncertainty. Thou (O Lord) art truly and eternally good, and therefore able to derive eternity of happineſs. Before I was created I was thine, and when I was not mine own thou becameſt mine; thou (O my Saviour) who haſt given me thy ſ•lf, canſt deny me nothing: What is too good, too great, too glorious for that ſo••which thou haſt redeemed at ſo dear a rate,•s the price of thine own blood, and eſpouſed to thine own boſom? Thy creatures are at peace92 with me, thy holy Angels attend me, guard me, fight for me, rejoyce at my converſion; thy Saints triumphant pray for me, the Devils fly from me, and thou, O Lord, by thine all-mighty power, and gracious providence, art ever with me; thou careſt for me from the cradle to the tomb; Thou art about my bed, and about my paths, and ſpyeſt out all my waies; Yea, Thy mercy embraceth me on every ſide; when I ſleep I am ſafe, when I awake joyfull; in proſperity I have thy rod to afflict me, in adverſity thy ſtaffe to comfort me: Lord while I am in thy favour, I can look no way but to happineſs; if I walk not anſwerable to it, I may well fear to be deprived of it.
And doubtleſs (O my ſoul) thoſe eyes which look ſo graciouſly upon thee in this life, will behold thee with a more earneſt, with a more endeared love in that to come, theſe tranſitory glances are but the faithfull pledges of thoſe future embraces. Thoſe arms of mercy which now ſupport thee in thine often failings, ſhall then encompaſs thee with glory; thoſe bleſſed hands which now chaſtiſe thee for thy rebellions, will then wipe away all tears from thine eyes; and that relenting heart, which ſometimes is moſt unwillingly withdrawn from thee for thy Apoſtaſie, will then unite it ſelf to thine for ever.
Lord, who can be a Chriſtian and be ſad? who can believe all this, and not triumph in joyfull exaltation? and not inſult over the ſorrows of this life? and not contemn the joyes of this bewitching world? and not reſiſt theſe cloudy, diſcontented thoughts, theſe cloſe aſſaults of Satans never-reſting malice? Millions of Worlds, Miriads of Angels, cannot reſtore93 that curſed ſpirit to this happineſs which thou now enjoyeſt, and yet ſo ſlightly regardeſt.
O let this teach thee to abhor his foul temptations, to conſider of thy worth in Chriſt, and to raiſe thy ſelf above the reach of earthly miſery; to love thy God faithfully, to ſerve him cheerfully, to perſevere joyfully; to be patient in tribulation, to rejoyce in hope, to pray continually; to thirſt after the ſweetneſs of his grace, and earneſtly to long for the conſummation of his glory.
Bleſſed God,
How unworthy am I to be called thy ſervant, who have ſo long been ſubject to the worlds commands? how undeſerving of the glorious liberty of thy Sons, who have ſo willingly been fetter'd by mine own corruptions? how uncapable of thy heavenly comforts, that can rejoyce in nothing but theſe earthly vanities.
Lord open mine eyes, that I may ſee the richneſs of the price of my high calling in Chriſt Jeſus, and endeavour to walk worthy of it; that I may earneſtly deſire thee, joyfully embrace thee, and conſtantly and cheerfully devote my ſervice to thee.
Forgive my drowſineſs, my dulneſs, my backwardneſs to holy duties; awake my ſinfull ſoul from ſenſuallity, and raiſe it to the bleſſed thoughts of ſweet eternity.
Compaſſionate my weakneſs, accept my willingneſs, forgive my ſinfulneſs, quicken my dulneſs, correct my untowardneſs: Lord bring me to ſuch a bleſſed frame of heart, that I may willingly forgo the ſins and miſeries of this life, and frequently delight my ſelf with contemplation of thy joyes in that to c•me.
CHAP. 25. Upon Mans ſinfull frailtie in the hour of Temptation, with motives to make reſiſtance.
I Am now in the liſts with Satan, and this hour to fight the Lords battail: God ſeeth me, and his holy Angels ſee me, I have long profeſſed my ſelf to be Chriſts ſouldier, and he hath now brought me to the field to prove me, now is the triall of my courage, of my Chriſtianity; if I overcome, I ſhall rejoyce on earth, triumph in heaven.
If that evill one were as powerfull as malicious, I had juſt cauſe to fear him; but now my comfort and aſſurance is, that he cannot hurt me, but by me: He now ſtrongly labours to encline my will (and wo were me if he might compell it) his ſubtile ſuggeſtions, his unclean ſolicitations, his fulminated motions, may be the father begetting, but mine own corrupt heart is the mother conceiving; there can be no danger from abroad, if there be no treaſon at home.
Look well into thy ſelf therefore O my ſoul, aſcend the Watch tower of thine underſtanding, and ſee that there lurk therein no ſeeming ſhews, no ſpecious pretences, no groſs lies, no falſe propoſals to betray thee; if thy head be ſurpriſed, thy heart cannot long hold out.
Examine thine affections, try them by the bleſſed rule of divine precepts, if they be not ſharply corrected, they will ſoon be corrupted; endeavour to reſiſt the very firſt motions to ſin;95 for if Satan can beguile thine affections, he will undoubtedly command thine actions.
Quicken thy memory by the momentany pleaſure of ſin, by the heavy judgements threatned againſt it, by the ſad conſequences of it, by the eternity of torments after it: Think how often thou haſt been allready foyled; how many ſerious vows and faithfull promiſes thou haſt allready made to God of thine amendment; how careleſly thou haſt diſpenſed with them all, and how preſumptuouſly perſiſted in thy follies: O think how gracious thy God hath been unto thee in forbearing, how wonderfull his mercy is in pardoning, how juſtly he might now deſtroy thee, even in the very act of ſinning.
Lord, if none of all this will yet ſcare me from ſinning againſt thee, nor allure me to repenting, that I may draw nearer home unto thee: O let me yet confider who it is that leadeth me to fight, and wherefore I have engaged. Thou, O my bleſſed Saviour, art my Captain, and Heaven is my Country; Shall I now loſe thoſe rivers of eternall pleaſures, for this ſhort, this falſe, this momentany joy? ſhall I run from thee who art the Prince of Peace, and who haſt ſpilt thy pretious blood for me, unto that cruel enemy of Mankind, who hath drawn ſo much blood from me? Shall I forſake thee who haſt layd down thy life for me, and inſlave my ſelf to him who every minute ſeeketh to devour me? Shall I diſhonor thee my God, grieve thine holy Angels, ſhame my profeſſion, wound mine own conſcience, terrifie mine own ſoul, ſeek mine own ruin? If I conſent to this temptation, that God whom I diſhonour will abhor me, thoſe bleſſed Angels whom I grieve will forſake me, thoſe curſed ſpirits whom I obey96 will deride me, that conſcience which I now wound will accuſe me, that glorious Goſpel which I ſhame will condemn me, and that ruin which I now ſeek will for ever ſeize upon me.
Let this move thee (O my ſoul) as thou exſpecteſt happineſs, to take up a bleſſed reſolution of reſiſtance: If the aſſault diſmay thee, let the conqueſt encourage thee; if the beginning be ſharp, the cloſe will be ſweet; if nature be dejected, grace will be ſtrengthened; and as grace increaſeth here, ſo ſhall glory hereafter.
Conſider laſt of all what Saint James ſaith, and fix it in thy thoughts as chief of all, Bleſſed is the man that endureth temptation, for when he is tryed he ſhall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promiſed to them that love him, Jam. 1.12. Thrice happy is that ſoul which is faithfull in Gods ſervice, although it may often faint, it ſhall never fail; it may ſometimes be foyled, but ſhall never be overcome; it ſhall never fall totally, it can never fall finally; for thou, Lord, upholdeſt it, and in thy love it is ſure of ſafety here, of triumph hereafter.
Bleſſed God,
With grief of heart I willingly confeſs, that I have ſhamefully diſhonored thy great and glorious name, by mine often failings, by my many faintings, and more wretched yeeldings; to the ſhame of my profeſſion, the grief of thy good Spirit, and the terror of my frail condition.
Lord how wretched is my ſoul without thee and yet how eaſily, how willingly am I enticed from97 thee even at this inſtant I am ready to forſake thee, and may moſt juſtly fear to be forſaken of thee.
The world allureth me, the fleſh beſotteth me, the devill beguileth me, and mine own falſe heart deceiveth me, and is now ready to rebell againſt me: O wretched man that I am, who ſhall deliver me? Lord Jeſus aſſiſt me, and let thy ſaving grace be now and evermore ſufficient for me.
Lord rebuke theſe evill thoughts, relieve my miſerie, ſupport my weakneſs, ſtrengthen my willingneſs, give me an undaunted courage in thy ſervice, an unfeigned ſorrow for my former failings, and conſtancy of heart againſt preſent ſuggeſtions, and future temptations, that I may find no ſweetneſs but in thy love, no pleaſure but in thy ſervice, no profit but in thy rewards. Amen.
CHAP. 26. Upon the Infirmities of the Saints.
Lord,
WIth grief of heart I confeſs, that I find a Law in my members, rebelling againſt the Law of my mind, and leading me captive to the Law of fin, ſo that thoſe things which I would do I cannot, and I dayly and hourly do thoſe things which I would not; yet my comfort is, that I make not proviſion for the fleſh to fulfill the luſts thereof: By the weakneſs of mine own corruptions, I often fall into ſin, but by the bleſſed aſſiſtance of thy grace I abhor to lie there; ſin oftentimes ſurpriſeth98 me, but by thy rich mercy hath never yet reigned over me; It hath often deceived me, but I truſt ſhall never deſtroy me. It hath pleaſed thee, O my bleſſed Saviour, to conclude all things under ſin, that thy grace may abound; while I ſtrive againſt it, and am afflicted for it, my ſinfull deſires will (I truſt) be graciouſly accepted, and (in thy perfect obedience) gloriouſly rewarded.
Be not diſmayed therefore, O my ſoul, that thou ſometimes art raviſhed with apprehenſion of thy heavenly joyes, and ſuddenly relapſed to the follies of a wretched heart; the one thou happily enjoyeſt, by the ſweet aſſiſtance of the heavenly Spirit; the other thou violently ſuffereſt, by the ſtrong torrent of my ſinfull nature. Lord, ſuch is thy great wiſdom, and inconceivable goodneſs towards me, that oftentimes thou leaveſt me unto my ſelf, and therefore ſuffereſt me to fall (and that moſt grievouſly ſometimes) that I may ſee mine own infirmities, and be truly humbled for them; that I may impute nothing to mine own merits, but give all the glory to thy ſufferings; that I may goe out of my ſelf, and mine own miſery, into the ſweet enjoyment of thy rich, and endleſſe mercy.
Conſider therefore, O my ſoul, that ſo long as thou continueſt in this valley of tears, thou canſt not live without this burthen of ſin; ſo long as thou carrieſt this frail body about thee, continuing weakneſſes will be attending on thee. O let this teach thee to bewail the miſery of this frail life, which is onely prone to evill, and that continually; let it humble thee for thy many failings, and invite thee to a more hearty and ſincere affection to thy Saviour, by99 whoſe abſolute and perfect obedience, all thine imperfections ſhall be done away; and laſtly, to a more earneſt longing for thy bodies diſſolution.
Comfort thy ſelf in this, that all the miſeries of this life ſhall work together for the beſt to thine advantage, nothing can befall thee without his holy providence that ſo dearly loveth thee, even thy very ſins ſhall further thee to Heaven; if thou haſt now fallen, through the infirmity of thy corrupt nature, God will raiſe thee, by this fall of thine, to more perfection in goodneſſe, to more vigilance, to more holineſſe, to more courage, to more conſtancy, in thy Chriſtian calling: for, The Lord ordereth a good mans goings, and maketh his way acceptable unto him, though he fall he ſhall not be caſt away, for the Lord upholdeth him, Pſal. 37.23, 24. and if that evill one be powerfully malicious, the greater ſhall thy joy and triumph be, when thou art happily victorious.
Lord, how truly bleſſed is the condition of thy Saints? who compelleſt even the rage of earth and hell to work for their advantage: Why art thou then ſo ſad, O my Soul, and why art thou ſo diſquieted within me? ſtill truſt in God, for he is the help of thy countenance, and thy God, Pſal. 42.15.
Lord, how ſad is my condition without thee? thou (who alone knoweſt the ſecrets of all hearts) knoweſt that I love thee, that I long for thee, that I deſire nothing in compare of thee my God, and yet thou findeſt nothing but pollution in me: ſometimes I beg to be at union with thee, and ſometimes live as if I cared not for mercy from thee; ſtill I ſin, and ſtill thou forgiveſt: yea I am therefore the more ready100 to rebell againſt thee, becauſe thou Lord art moſt ready to be mercifull unto me; and yet for all this (ſuch are thy bowels of compaſſion towards me) thou bemoaneſt mine iniquity, thou inviteſt, thou compelleſt me to mercy.
Lord, wilt thou ſtill ſuffer me to abuſe thy goodneſſe? I have oft•n run from thee, by relapſing into grievous ſins, and thou, O Lord, as often haſt received me to favour, and afforded me the ſweet refreſhings of thy holy Spirit; I confeſſe my ſelf unworthy to enjoy that bleſſed Spirit which I have ſo often grieved: O let this teach me to be truly and ſincerely thankfull unto thee, to love thee more heartily, praiſe thee more joyfully, ſerve thee more faithfully, to my lives end.
For thou, O bleſſed Lord, art all in all unto me, thou art ſtrength in my weakneſse, love in my wilfulneſs, life in my ſinfulneſſe; thou alone knoweſt under what great evils of ſin, under what ſad preſſures of ſorrow I daily groan, and thou haſt promiſed to eaſe thoſe weary ſouls, that cry to thee for ſuccour and relief.
Lord ſave me, or I periſh; Lord eaſe me of this heavy burden, that I ſink not to eternall miſery; give me thy ſaving grace, to guide me from theſe wofull waies of wickedneſſe; O let this hour put an end to this ſin: Lord lead me unto thy paths, and uphold me there, that my feet ſlip not; ſuffer me not to feed upon theſe empty husks; O ſatisfie me with thy mercy, and that ſoon, before I goe hence, and be no more ſeen.
My ſpirit is willing (O Lord) but my fleſh is weak, have pity upon me, have pity upon me, for I am in miſery.
Lord cover my ſins, Lord pardon mine infirmities,101 Lord Jeſus accept of me, and interpoſe thy bleſſed merits for me.
Lord raiſe me from this wretched fall; ſupport my weakneſſe, renew my repentance, increaſe my faith, quicken my zeal, that ſo by thy gracious aſſiſtance, I may be raiſed to more purity, to more perfection, in my Chriſtian calling; that where ſin hath abounded, there grace may abound much more, to thy great glory, and mine own endleſſe comfort.
O Lord hear, O Lord forgive, O Lord conſider and doe it, defer not for thine own ſake, O my God. Amen.
CHAP. 27. Upon Deſertion.
WHile I am in this pilgrimage of ſin, I cannot be without this portion of ſorrow, why complain I of that which I have ſo juſtly deſerved? how often hath my God afforded me the gracious viſits of his bleſſed Spirit? and yet how eaſily have I regarded them? Lord, I am not worthy of the leaſt of all thy mercies, much leſſe of this invaluable favour, to enjoy the kiſſes of thy ſacred mouth; as I am now grieved for the loſſe of thy preſence, ſo I have too often grieved thee by mine own rebellious abſence; this is the ſad condition even of the beſt of thy Saints in this life; as they have had their aberrations from grace, ſo they have had their fluctuations in woe; theſe ſad departings of thy bleſſed Spirit have ever been the juſt memorials of their preſent griefs, and former miſeries.
102I ſee thy holy ſervant David, ſadly bemoaning this great loſſe, and allmoſt deſpairing of the enjoyment of thy gratious preſence, I hear him crying out in bitterneſſe of ſoul, Will the Lord abſent himſelf for ever, and will he ſhew no more favour? Is his mercy clean gone for ever? doth his promiſe fail for evermore? Hath God forgotten to be gratious? hath he ſhut up his tender mercy in diſpleaſure? Pſal. 77.7, 8, 9.
How grievous was this complaint? how gratious thine anſwer? even in the very minute of diſtreſſe, even by the very lips of the diſtreſſed; for it follows in a breath, And I ſaid, this is my death, but I will remember the years of the right hand of the moſt High.
Jonah's extremity was thy bleſſed opportunity; even when Jonah thought himſelf in moſt danger of periſhing, he then found thy mercy moſt ready in relieving; when he thought himſelf caſt out of thy ſight, even then he found himſelf looking to thy preſence, and ready to be received into thy favour, Jonah 2.4.
Lord, if thou giveſt me but the leaſt meaſure of true faith, I ſhall be able to remove the greateſt mountains of ſin, and know aſſuredly, to my ſouls exceeding comfort, that thou hideſt thy face from me but for a moment in this life, that thou mayſt gather me to everlaſting kindneſſe in that to come.
Comfort thy ſelf in this therefore (O my Soul) that God will never leave thee, that he will never forſake thee, that he will never leave thee totally, nor forſake thee finally; that he hath not now withdrawn his gratious preſence from thee, but the preſent comfort of his grace from working in thee: as there are ſad deſertions, ſo there will undoubtedly be gratious103 viſits; thou mayſt be forſaken in ſin, in the ſuffering of puniſhment for ſin, in the ſeverity of that puniſhment, in the fearfull apprehenſion of Gods wrath in this ſeverity; but aſſure thy ſelf (O my ſoul) thou ſhalt never be forſaken in the finall execution of this wrath, in the eternall duration of this final execution.
Lord, if my hopes of heaven were grounded on the weak foundation of mine own abilityes, If mine Election were but temporary, I might juſtly fear this deſertion would prove eternall; but now my comfort is, that Chriſt is my ſtrong rock, on whom I am ſafely built; that nothing can ſeparate me from his love; that his Decree of mine Election is particular, ſweet, ſure, and eternal; that the happy means appointed to this bleſſed end, is faith, holineſs, righteouſneſs, and ſanctification; holineſs to obey thy precepts, ſaith to embrace thy promiſes, righteouſneſs to enjoy thy Saints, and ſanctification to poſſeſs my ſelf: Thy bleſſed Decree (O Lord) is ſo far from giving me liberty to commit ſin, that it moſt undoubtedly reſtrains me from it; If I cannot make my calling and election ſure, by thy decreed means of ſanctification, I ſhall never make my comfort ſure by my vain hopes of glorification.
If I look upon Noah, Lot, David, Jonah, Chriſt himſelf, I ſhall there ſee the ſeveral and the ſorrowfull degrees of this Deſertion: Noah and Lot fearfully ſinning, David a long time reſting in ſin, and wofully deprived of Gods gracious preſence for ſin; Jonah, even doubting of Gods favour, in the ſuddenneſs, and the ſharpneſs of his puniſhment; and thou, O my bleſſed Saviour, affrighted with the104 fierceneſs of thy Fathers wrath for ſin, and for a time (as thou wert man) deſpairing of his gracious prefence.
Be not afraid therefore, O my ſoul; for as thou art deferted for thy ſins ſake, ſo thou art beloved for thy Saviours ſake; though he hide himſelf behind the wall (of thy corruption) yet he will graciouſly look through the lattice (of thine humiliation) Cant. 2.9: Even this thy preſent ſadneſs will afford thee ſome refreſhings, ſome gracious glimpſes of his holy Spirit; and though thy heart be now diſquieted within thee, thou ſhalt again aſſuredly receive the voice of joy and gladneſs. Lord let this teach me to abhor thoſe ſins that have deprived me of thy preſence; to ſeek earneſtly to enjoy thee; to riſe early to find thee whom my ſoul loveth; to ſettle mine affections upon thy beauty, mine actions upon thy ſervice; that I may be guided by thy grace in this life, and encompaſt with thy glory in that to come.
For thou, O my bleſſed Saviour, art infinitely dearer to me than the choiceſt of theſe earthly vanities; their love is falſe and uncertain, but thine true and eternall; abundantly ſufficient to rejoice me here, to enrich me hereafter.
O Lord my God, my ſoul longeth for thee, I am weary of the ſins and miſeries of this life, and nothing can relieve me but thy bleſſed preſence: O make thy face to ſhine upon me, and ſave me for thy mercy ſake.
My God, my God, look upon me, why haſt thou forſaken me, and art ſo far from the words of my complaint? O ſatisfie my longings, for thou105 knoweſt Lord that I love thee.
Hear my prayer, O Lord, and hide not thy face from my ſupplications, O hide not thy ſelf from me, nor caſt thy ſervant away in displeaſure.
Thou haſt been my ſuccour, therefore leave me not, nor forſake me, O God of my ſalvation: Make thy face to ſhine upon thy ſervant, and ſave me for thy mercy ſake.
O lead me from the bondage of ſin, into the bleſſed liberty of thy children, that I may be comforted in the ſweetneſs of thy promiſes, and thou mayſt be delighted in the zeal of my performances.
Give me the comfort of thy help again, and ſtabliſh me with thy free Spirit; O hide not thy face from thy ſervant, for I am in trouble, make haſt and hear me.
Lord, I am defiled with ſin, and diſquieted with ſorrow; I am daily vexed with temptations, and hourly overcome with vanity; I am wretchedly infolded in the miſeries of mine own corruptions, and wofully beguiled by the devils ſubtilties; O wretched man that I am who ſhall deliver me?
Lord I bewail my miſery, and implore thy mercy; O that I were this hour at union with thee, that I might hereafter joyfully adhere unto thee, be graciouſly accepted of thee, and for ever gloriouſly exalted by thee. Amen.
CHAP. 28. Upon the apprehenſion of ſudden danger.
BLeſſed God, I know that nothing can befall me without thy holy providence, even this preſent danger is by thine appointment, and what thou haſt deſigned it unto I know not, I enquire not; Lord give me a ſweet and ſafe aſſurance that I am thine, and then doe with me what thou wilt: O let me live, and I ſhall praiſe thee, and thy judgements ſhall help me; but if thou haft appointed me this hour to dye, O let me then goe home unto thee, and be united in a ſafer, in a ſweeter union with thee. Lord hear me, and have mercy on me, for my dear Saviours ſake, who hath given his precious life a ranſom for me.
Preſerve me, O God for in thee have I put my truſt; forſake me not, O Lord my God, be not thou far from me.
Lord ſtrengthen and ſupport my wavering faith, forgive me all my ſins, and ſuffer not my ſoul to be ſurpriſed in my laſt extremity.
Haſt thee to help me, O Lord God of my ſalvation, for thy names ſake, for thy promiſe ſake, for thy precious blood ſake.
Into thy hands I commend my ſpirit, for thou haſt redeemed me, O Lord, thou God of truth.
CHAP. 29. Upon the weakneſſe of Faith, and ſinfulneſs of Thoughts tending to Deſpair.
HOW much art thou miſtaken (O my Soul) to think thy ſelf then fartheſt off from God, when thou art neareſt unto him; to ſuppoſe thy ſelf then moſt wretched, when thou art neareſt to the paths of happineſs? He that never doubted, never truly believed; and he that hath leaſt aſſurance in himſelf, will have moſt certainty in Chriſt.
Thou haſt ſinned, and thou art ſorrowfull; thou haſt committed great and grievous ſins, and thou abhorreſt them, thou forſakeſt them, thou heartily deſireſt pardon for them; if thou hadſt not a godly ſorrow, thou couldſt not have this godly deſire; if thy ſorrow were for puniſhment, it would cauſe thy death, but now it is for ſin, it will lead thee to repentance; if thou grieveſt not ſo much for the ſevere ſentence of an incenſed Judge, as for the diſpleaſure of a good and gratious Father, as thou ſoweſt in tears, thou ſhalt reap in joy, nay thou ſhalt have great joy even in theſe tears, thou ſhalt have much ſweetneſs even in this ſorrow; and if thy ſeedtime be ſweet, how bleſſed will thy harveſt be? hear what thy Saviour ſaith, Bleſſed are they that mourn, for they ſhall be comforted; in ſorrows here, in eternity of joyes hereafter: who can curſe, where God hath bleſſed? what Devill can deject, where God will exalt?
Thou art grieved for offending thy gratious108 God, and thou imploreſt him for mercy; comfort thy ſelf in this, that God is near unto all thoſe which call upon him, yea that call upon him faithfully, Pſal. 105.18. Be not afraid therefore; for if thy faith be weak, yet it is living; if it be languiſhing, it will aſſuredly recover more ſtrength; if there be bloſſomes now, there will be fruit hereafter; theſe happy beginnings will have gratious proceedings, bleſſed c•dings.
Conſider what thy God hath promiſed by his holy Prophet, I will not break the bruiſed reed, nor quench the ſmoking flax, Iſay 42.3. Let not the ſmarting (therefore) of thy conſcience trouble thee, remember who it is that ſearcheth it, I have wounded thee (ſaith God) and I will heal thee, I have broken thee, and I will bind thee up. Thou art therefore wounded, that thou mayſt be healed; thou art therefore broken, that thou mayſt be bound up: That ſore which is inſenſible, is ever moſt dangerous; and that wound which ſmarteth moſt, is moſt capable of remedy.
Bleſſed Lord, I now feel, to mine unſpeakable comfort, that thou haſt wounded me with the terrours of thy Law, that thou mayſt heal me with the comforts of thy Goſpell; that I am therefore bruiſed with the burden of my ſins, that I may be ever eaſed by the merits of my Saviours ſufferings; all my imperfections are his, all his righteouſneſs is mine, I may boldly chalenge it, thou wilt not deny it, I may ſafely plead it, thou canſt not refuſe it.
Conſider yet further, O my Soul, what thy bleſſed Saviour ſaith unto thee, I am the reſurrection and the life, he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet ſhall be live; and whoſever109 liveth and believeth in me, ſhall never dye, Ioh. 11.25, 26.
How canſt thou doubt now (O my Soul) when thy Saviour biddeth thee believe, and live? what canſt thou fear, when thou haſt his promiſe for thy ſafety? Heaven and Earth ſhall paſs away, but not one tittle of his Word ſhall fail.
Let not the number of thy ſins affright thee, for it is his bloud which clenſeth us from all iniquity, 1 Ioh. 1.7, 9.
Let not the nature of thy ſins amaze thee, for though they were red as ſcarlet, yet he will make them white as ſnow.
Let not the long continuance of them ſtagger thee, for At what time ſoever a ſinner doth repent him of his ſins, from the bottome of his heart, I will blot them out of my remembrance, ſaith the Lord, Ezech. 18.
Thy Co••cience ſhall not trouble thee, for Being juſtified by faith, we have peace with God, Rom. 5.1.
The Devill cannot hurt thee, for Who ſhall lay any thing to the charge of Gods elect? it is God that juſtifieth, who is he that condemneth? it is Chriſt that died, yea rather that is riſen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who allſo maketh interceſſion for us, Rom. 8.32, 33.
Nay (which is the ſum of all) God himſelf in Iuſtice cannot condemn thee, for There is no condemnation to them which are in Chriſt Jeſus, who walk not after the fleſh, but after the ſpirit, Rom. 8.1. his luſtice is ſatisfied, his Mercy magnified, his Name be for ever glorified.
Lord let this teach me to rely with comfort on thy bleſſed promiſes, and to walk worchy of them, in my religious performances; to manifeſt110 my increaſe of grace, by my increaſe of goodneſs; to fix my heart wholly upon thee, to love thee, to fear thee, to honour thee, and aſſuredly to reſt in thee; when thy grace ſhall enable me to delight in thy fear, my ſins can never perſwade me to deſpair of thy favour: my peace will be then inviolable, my joy unutterable, my happineſs unalterable.
Bleſſed Lord God,
When I conſider of the wretchedneſs of mine own corruptions in nature, I am even ready to deſpair of thy love; But when I look upon the bleſſedneſs of my condition in Chriſt, I am then encouraged to ſue to thee for mercy and forgiveneſs: Allthough thy juſtice be ſevere againſt ane, as I am a grievous ſinner, yet thy mercy is moſt ſweet unto me in my Saviour.
I now tremble at thy judgements, yet I rejoyce in thy promiſes; allthough thy Law ſpeak never ſo terribly, thy curſes be never ſo many, thy plagues be never ſo grievous, thy wrath never ſo tempeſtuous, yet in the ſweet mercy of my Saviour I am able to abide them all.
O Lord my God, I abhor my ſelf, I accuſe my ſelf, I condemn my ſelf, I am now ready with thy wrath to ſeize upon my ſinfull ſoul, and caſt it down to everlaſting miſery.
Lord, unto thee onely I appeal for mercy and forgiveneſs: ſweet Jeſus accept of me, and interpoſe thy bleſſed merits for me; inrich my ſoul with thy ſufferings, be ever preſent with me, and eternall comfort to me.
O holy and for ever bleſſſed Spirit, thou that ſanclifieſt the ſouls of thine Elect, aſſiſt and ſtrengthen me; quicken and revive my drooping ſaith, increaſe my hope, cheriſh my love, foment111 thoſe dying ſparks, by the ſweet breathings of thy bleſſed Spirit, that they may zealouſly break forth into a pure and fervent flame of holy affections, to thy great glory, and mine own eternall happineſs. Amen.
CHAP. 30. Upon the great Neglect of the duty of Prayer.
Lord,
WHen I ſerionſly conſider how manifold and great my failings are, when I think of the ſhortneſs and uncertainty of life, of the ſolemnity of death, of the eternity of happineſs or miſery after death, and by all theſe of the neceſſity, uſefulneſs, and excellency of Prayer, I may well wonder that I am ever from my knees.
My life is all ſin, and had therefore need to be all ſorrow; the greatneſs and continuance of my ſins have added to the greatneſs and continuance of my miſery, and there is none but thou (O Lord) that can relieve me; there is no coming to thee but by Prayer, and no Prayer powerfull with thee, but that which is fervent.
This is•hat eye of my affection that woundeth the heart of thy compaſſion; this is that holy violence that taketh Heaven by force, that ſurpriſeth thy Mercy, that manicles thy Juſtice, that wreſtles with thy Love, and will not let thee goe without a bleſſing: This is my ſtrong armour to defend me, my daily112 food to ſuſtein me, my ſafe repoſe to refreſh me, my ſweet content for ever to delight me.
Bleſſed Lord, how wonderfull is thy deſire to man? how graciouſly doeſt thou provide for him? how daily art thou mindfull of him? Thy words inſtruct me, thy promiſes allure me, thy graces ſuſtein me, thy ſacraments ſtrengthen me, thy viſits comfort me, thy embraces raviſh me; And, as if all this were not yet enough to manifeſt thy favour towards me, ſo unſpeakable is thy love, ſo earneſt thy deſires unto me, that thou haſt even given me thy ſelf, to be overcome by me. Lord, thou art all love, when I ſtrive with thee for mercy, I overcome thee by thy ſelf; how great is thy goodneſs? how tender are thy mercies unto man, for whoſe ſake thou contendeſt even with thine own Eſſence? Thou haſt given thy Son to die for me, and in him thy ſelf to be overcome by me.
Lord, let this teach me to renew my acquaintance often with thee, to labour to be powerfull in my prayers; to ſtudy to be humble, zealous, earneſt, even importunate in my devotions; to let no ſinfull thought paſs me without a ſigh, no ſinfull action without holy contrition, no divine favours, without devout and thankfull acknowledgement: That ſoul which is truly ſenſible of the burden of ſin, will haſten unto that heavenly help that can give it eaſe, and that heart which is once truly inflamed with thy love, will readily inſtruct•he tongue to be zealous in thy praiſe. Lord let me firſt ſeek mine own heart, before I preſume to come before thy Mercy ſeat, leſt if I recall it not from the vanities of this life, my very prayers become ſin, and ſo while I expect a bleſſing, I deſerve a curſe.
113Let no vain excuſe, no barren pretence of this life, perſwade me to intermit this holy duty, leſt careleſneſs, and coldneſs in devotion, beget in me a loathing of that courſe, which by conſtant practice will become my conſtant comfort: I ord make me to conſider of the ſweetneſs, of the excellency of this gift, that I may dayly labour to improve it to my ſoules eternall happineſs, That when I often fall (as I needs muſt through the weakneſs of the fleſh) thou, O Lord, in mercy mayſt reſtore me through my bleſſed importunity of ſpirit.
With grief of heart (Lord) I confeſs, that my great neglect of this holy duty, hath moſt juſtly occaſioned the great abatement of thy holy Spirit in me, and long withholdings of thine outward bleſſings from me.
Lord give me yet an heart to ſerve thee, and then take from me what thou wilt: I deſire nothing with out thee; for I know aſſuredily, that with thee I cannot but enjoy all things needfull for me.
O make me to bewail mine own unworthineſs, my drownſineſs, my dulneſs, my careleſneſs, my much untowardneſs in thy ſervice: Create in me a clean heart (O Lord) and renew a right ſpirit within me, that I may praiſe thee with alacrity, and fervency of ſoul; that I may be daily raviſhed with contemplation of eternity, and hourly ſatisfie my thoughts with apprehenſion of the ſweetneſs of my preſent ſafety, of my future glory.
Lord make me every day more earneſt in this holy duty; O give me ſuch affectionate deſires, ſuch holy longings, ſuch inſatiate appetites, ſuch earneſt importunities of heart for heavenly114 graces, that I may not onely beg of thee, but even wreſtle with thee for this bleſſing, although the ſinfull deſires of my corrupt fleſh go halting to the grave.
Be mercifull unto me (O Lord) for my ſoul truſteth in thee, and in the ſhadow of thy wings will I make my refuge untill theſe calamities (of ſins and miſeries) be overpaſt.
Lord hear the voice of my humble petitions when I cry unto thee, when I hold up my hands towards thy Mercy ſeat, ſhew thy ſervant the light of thy countenance, and ſave me for thy mercy ſake. Pſ. 28.2. Pſ 31.18.
CHAP. 31. Upon the great neglect of Reading the ſacred Scriptures.
ALaſs my ſoul, how unbeſeeming thy profeſſion is this thy backwardneſs to holy duties? how long wilt thou grovell on this element of earth? how long be cheated with theſe counterfeit commodities, theſe childiſh toys of outward enjoyments? what ſweetneſs canſt thou find in thoſe things which favour of corruption? what comfort in thoſe joyes which are but vain, vexatious, toylſom, tranſitory? whoſe ſeeming beauties are ſuddenly paſſing, never returning: O let this move thee to delight in that which cannot paſs, to remember whence thou art, and whether thou art going, that thou mayſt thereby raiſe thy thoughts to immortality.
Look upon the beauty of thoſe ſacred leaves,115 and thou wilt loath the falſhood of this worlds embraces: Thou mayſt there find the ſum of all that was, or is, or is to come, conducing to thy reall happineſs; There is nature unbowelled, hell opened, and heaven unveiled; Thou mayſt there ſee the creature to be vanity, thy ſelf miſery, thy Saviour felicity; Thou haſt there his counſell to guide thee, his wiſdom to inſtruct thee, his power to ſuſtein thee, his gifts to encourage thee, his threatnings to admoniſh thee, his mercies to allure thee, his judgements to deter thee, his holy Spirit to comfort thee: There is antiquitie, ſtrangeneſs, truth, in hiſtory; wonder in miracles, amazement in prophecie, foundneſs in precepts, ſweetneſs in promiſes; each ſillable contained in this Book is matter of eternall moment. Take heed therefore, that thou paſſeſt by no portion of th•s ſacred volume lightly, nor pryeſt into any preſumptuouſly; holy diligence is often bleſt with heavenly knowledge, and humble ignorance, with heavenly grace.
Lord, ſeeing that thy word is in it ſelf ſo excellently rich, and in its uſe ſo abſolutely good, with what earneſtn•ſs of ſoul ought I to embrace it? with what holy diligence peruſe it? with what devout cheerfulneſs, and conſtancy of heart, apply my ſelf unto it? Theſe high perfecti••s ſhall religiouſly oblige me to repair my former neglects, by my preſent promiſes of my future performances.
No day ſhall henceforth paſs me, without ſome time alotted for this holy exerciſe, cuſto•will make it eaſie, profit ſweet; if the troubleſom affairs of this liſe do ſometimes (to my ſoul grief) diſtu•b me in it (by thy grace aſſiſting) they ſhall never divert me from it; what is borrowed116 from this bleſſed task, by inforced neceſſity, ſhall be repayed with advantage by the next happy opportunity. Lord, all is but vanity and meer nothing, in compare of thee, and thy ſervice: If I cannot be willingly holy, I ſhall never be joyfully happy.
Bleſſed Lord,
So ſanctifie my ſinfull ſoul, that I may joyfully perform thoſe promiſes I make unto thee; that I may daily dedicate ſome part and portion of my ſinfull houres, to read ſome portion of thy ſacred Scriptures: O let them ever be the joy of my joy, the life of my life, the light of mine eyes, and comfort of my heart.
Lord turn away mine eyes (from theſe outward enjoyments) leſt they behold vanity, and quicken me in thy way.
Give me an humble ſoul, that I may read thy bleſſed lines with holy fear and awfull reverence; that I may be piouſly delighted with them, and happily inſtructed by them.
Give me a diſcerning ſoul, that I may ſee the wonderfull things of thy law, that I may truly love it, and delight in it, that my heart may be inflamed by it, and my tongue be ever talking of it.
O let thy Statutes be my ſong in the houſe of my pilgrimage, that I may walk in thy wayes with conſtancy, that I may run in thy race with fervency. Amen.
CHAP. 32. Upon the neglect of Divine Meditation.
WHat doeſt thou here on earth, O my ſoul? why art thou ſo perplexed with the cares and ſorrows of this ſinfull life? ſo careleſs of the joyes in that to come? Who can judge him likely to inherit Heaven, that loves not to think of it? Thou mayſt meaſure thy degrees of Grace, by thy deſires of Glory: If thy thoughts be not often, and earneſtly taken up with this ſubject, thou haſt juſt cauſe to ſuſpect thy loving, to fear thy enjoying it; for, Where thy treaſure is, there will thy heart be alſo.
If thou liveſt the life of Pleaſure, thou art ſo much worſe than a beaſt, by how much thou oughteſt by reaſon to be better; if of Action, thou art ſo much nearer to happineſs, as reaſon is beyond ſenſe, and yet ſo much farther off, as Grace is beyond Nature; if the happy life of heavenly Meditation, thou art ſo far above vanity, as heaven is above earth, as immotality above nature, as glory above corruption.
O how ſweet are thoſe thoughts which lead me to Eternity, which raiſe my ſoul above the reach of humane miſery, that can ſupport me under all the heavy preſſures of ſin, under all the grievous burdens of ſorrow, under all the ſharp aſſaults of Satan; that〈◊〉make me merry in life, and triumphant in death.
118Nothing can more truly repreſent me to my ſelf, and inform me that I am all earthly, than the dullneſs and backwardneſs of my thoughts to be heavenly: Who can ever hope to be an inhabitant of that City, whoſe language hee cannot ſpeak? Lord, when my thoughts are more zealouſly affected with thy heavenly joys, I ſhall then hope to be more frequently acquainted with thy heavenly viſits; by my careleſs neglect of the one, I am now juſtly deprived of the ſweet enjoyments of the other; while I am wedded to this wretched world, my thoughts muſt needs favour of corruption: But if thou, Lord, wilt once open mine eyes to ſee the glorious beauty of my heavenly home, I ſhall then know, and joyfully confeſſe, that one hour thus ſpent, will adde more comfort to my fool, more true content to my deſires, than all theſe outward bleſſings, and I ſhall then account, and joyfully confeſs with thy Apoſtle, that all things are but loſs, and dung, in compare of the richneſs of thy love in Chriſt Jeſus.
For thou, O bleſſed Saviour, art the bleſſed Fountain of eternall happineſs; the joy of my heart, the triumph of my joy, the comfort of my life, the ſafety of my body, the reſt of my ſoul; without thee I am far worſe than nothing, and with thee I enjoy all things; for thou art in the Father, and I in thee, and thou in me; and in this happy union is contained that fruition, is enjoyed that for ever-bleſſed viſion, in which the ſouls and bodies of thy Saints eternally delight themſelves.
O thou ſoveraign of my ſoules eternall comfort, how unworthy am I to enjoy thee, that have been119 hitherto ſo much un•indfull of thee? how undeſerving to behold thee in thy glory, that am ſo daily guilty of thy great diſhonour?
Lord raiſe my thoughts to immortality, and fix my ſoul upon the love of ſweet eternity; let my chiefeſt joy be, ever to contemplate thee, who art my chiefeſt good.
Pardon thoſe wretched hours that have been loſt in ſearch of outward happineſs; O make me to redeem them, by abandoning the creature, and placing mine affections wholly on the beauty of the great Creatour; expatiate my ſinfull ſoul with daily meditations of my future joyes, that I may love thee more fervently, fear thee more dutifully, deſire thee more earneſtly, long for thee more heartily, embrace thee more faithfully, and think of thee more joyfully, to my lives end. Amen.
CHAP. 33. Upon unchriſtianlike Dejectedneſs in Poverty.
WHY doe I excruciate my ſoul with apprehenſion of a ſeeming evill? how unworthy am I of this life, which I hold from that God, whom I dare not truſt? will God feed me with the delicates of heaven, and not give me bread? will he give me full draughts of the rivers of his eternall pleaſures, and not afford me temporall refreſhments? ſhall my death be precious in his eyes, and my life uncomfortable in mine own? can there be any120 evill, and the Lord hath not done it? ſhall he doe it, and ſhall I complain? if poverty be evill in it ſelf, yet it is good for me; the evill of ſin hath drawn upon me this evill of puniſhment; ſo this evill is from nature, and the good from grace: By this affliction I am weaned from the world, and made deſirous of my heavenly home; I am now put in mind, that my treaſure being there, my heart ſhould be there allſo; I am now fully aſſured (by my patience and humility under this affliction, and by the quiet fruits of righteouſneſs it daily bringeth forth in me) that I am Gods child; that as I am now made partaker of my Saviours ſufferings, ſo I ſhall be hereafter of his glory; that I part with earthly contentments, to enjoy heavenly comforts. Lord, when thou lendeſt me thy ſtaff of conſolation, I ſhall be well able to endure thy rod of affliction; all though my body be worſe, I ſhall then find my ſoul to be much better, my preſent condition happy, my future bleſſed.
In what eſtate ſoever I am, I will think that beſt, becauſe thou (Lord) haſt put me there: if my calling be low, my account will be the leſs; if I diſcharge this faithfully, I ſhall not loſe my reward. Thou, O Lord, lookeſt not upon my greatneſs, but my goodneſs, my faithfulneſs in thy ſervice: A pin in thy materiall Temple was as uſefull as a ſtone; if I be any thing in thy ſpirituall, it is enough; yet let me not content my ſelf with eaſineſs and indifferency in heavenly bleſſings, but labour to ſupply mine outward wants by inward graces; ſo ſhall this earthly bitterneſs be turned into ſpirituall ſweetneſs, and eternall bleſſedneſs.
Thou (O Lord) haſt alotted me my portion121 in this life, moſt agreeable to thy Divine Wiſdome, moſt ſuitable to my frail condition; and why take I then thought for to morrow? ſufficient unto the day is the evill thereof: Thou alloweſt me lawfull means for increaſing of it, thou forbiddeſt me repining thoughts to diſtruſt thee in it; Lord let me firſt ſeek thy Kingdome, and the righteouſneſs thereof, and then I know aſſuredly, that all things needfull for me ſhall be added to me.
O thou bleſſed Saviour of the world, who for my ſake wert willing to endure the ſcornfull poverty of this life, to purchaſe my redemption, teach me by thine example, and for thy ſake, to undervalue all the glorious pomps of theſe enticing vanities, that though my body be deſpiſed by the world, my ſinfull ſoul may be accepted with thee, and both ſoul and body may eternally be happy where thou art.
Lord, by how much (by thy great ſufferings) thou wert made the vilder for me, by ſo much (by thy rich mercy) let thy love be ever dearer to me.
O give me graces ſuitable to all events; let not proſperity puff me up, nor adverſity too much deject me; but for thy mercy ſake, let happineſs in Chriſt be all in all unto me; make me humble in the one, patient in the other, thankfull in either, bappy in both.
Grant (Lord) that no ungodly care, or ſinfull ſorrow, may diſturb me, but that I may with willingneſs, and thankfulneſs, and joyfulneſs of heart, contentedly rely upon thee.
Enrich my heart with heavenly thoughts, give me that better part which cannot be taken from me; Lord, what thou denieſt me of theſe122 outward comforts, make good unto me by thine inward mercies, that all theſe earthly things may work together to the beſt to mine advantage, ſo ſhall my preſent poverty be an undoubted earneſt of my future glory. Amen.
CHAP. 34. Upon Sickneſs, and ungodly repining thereat.
AS every good and perfect gift is from above, ſo is allſo every puniſhment for ſin, by every proportion of ſorrow; For miſery cometh not out of the duſt, neither doth affliction ſpring out of the earth, Iob 1.5, 6. That Divine Goodneſs, which wiſely and affectionately diſpoſeth all things to the good of his choſen, by his holy providence hath ſuited their degrees, limited their powers, and appointed their ends; every pain in ſickneſſe, every pang in death, have their juſt number, weight, and meaſure.
I't is the Lord, let him doe what he will; nothing can befall me, but by his Divine allowance; nothing ſhall diſmay me, that my God inflicteth on me: if my viſitation be grievous, I am ſure it is ſafe, For He chaſtiſeth me for my profit, that I may be partaker of his holineſs.
Bleſſed be that ſorrow which allureth me from ſin, bleſſed be that miſery that inviteth me to mercy,〈◊〉kiſs it, I embrace it, and with humbleneſs of heart I joyfully and patiently ſubmit unto it: The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh,123 bleſſed be the name of the Lord, Iob 1.21.
I humbly confeſs (Lord) that my great and grievous ſins have moſt juſtly deſerved this great and grievous affliction, that thou mighteſt long ſince have deprived me of my life, for depriving thee of thine honour; that I am moſt unworthy of this thy gentle viſitation, for I am full of rottenneſs and corruption, and therefore can expect no other, but to be fill'd with ſorrow and affliction; thou haſt given me a body for thy ſervice, but I have defiled it with ſin and wickedneſs; thou gaveſt me a ſoul enriched with thy heavenly graces, but I have defaced it with unthankfulneſs and diſobedience; no faculty of my ſoul, no member of my body, but are moſt impure, and ſinfull in thy ſight. Thou (O Lord) knoweſt all my fooliſhneſs, and my faults are not hid from thee; thou ſeeſt how vainly I have miſ-ſpent my pretious time, how careleſly abuſed that continued health which thou haſt given me; how ſeriouſly been buſied on the Creature, how wretchedly neglected thee the great Creatour.
Thou haſt often weaned me from ſin, by thy bleſſed motions, by thy gratious admonitions, by thy gentle viſitations, by a waſted body, and a wounded ſoul; and yet I ſtill ſin, without ceaſing, without ſorrowing, without repenting; ſuch are my faults, ſo grievovs mine offences, that I now bluſh to name thoſe ſins before thee, by which I have ſo often and ſo fooliſhly rebell'd againſt thee: and now after all this, allthough thou haſt with laſting patience waited my return, and art inforced to withdraw thy preſent mercy, yet thou art moved to behold my preſent miſery, ev•n in thy very wrath thou haſt compaſſion on me, Habac. 3.2. while thou124 ſeemeſt (by this preſent ſickneſs) to withhold thy favour from me, thou gratiouſly intendeſt, by this bleſſed means, to ſhew thy ſelf more lovingly unto me; for, I know Lord, that thy judgements are juſt, and that thou of very faithfulneſshaſt cauſed me to be troubled, Pſal. 119.75. Thereſore, Though thou killeſt me, yet will I truſt in thee, Iob 13.15. Though I walk through the valley of the ſhadow of death, yet will I fear no evill, Pſal. 23.4. Behold Lord, I am willingly, and joyfully, and thankfully in thy hands, doe with me what thou wilt; if I live, I ſhall praiſe thee; if I dye (I truſt) I ſhall goe home unto thee, and be for ever bleſſed with thee.
O thou Father of mercies, and God of all conſolations, behold me thy ſick ſervant, with thine eye of pity and compaſſion; O remember not my former ſins, but have mercy upon me (O Lord) and that ſoon, for I am come unto great extremity.
O Lord my God, I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly, I goe mourning all the day long; thou writeſt bitter things againſt me, and makeſt me poſſeſs the iniquities of my youth; O let the ſweetneſs of thy mercy qualifie the ſharpneſs of thy Fatherly correction; conſider me, O Lord, that I am but duſt, full of frailties and infirmities, forgive me for thy mercy ſake.
Remember not the ſinfull failings of my youth, but according to the richneſs of thy goodneſs, be thou mindfull of me.
O righteous Father, look not on the multitude and hainouſneſs of mine offences, but look upon the bitter paſſion of thy bleſſed Son, he was wounded for my tranſgreſſions, he was broken for mine iniquities, O by his (bleſſed) ſtripes let my ſinfull ſoul be healed.
125Enable me to ſuffer this thy gentle viſitation, with that meekneſs, and contentedneſs of ſoul, that becometh thy child; and ſo bleſs it unto me, that it may bring forth in me the quiet and the happy fruits of righteouſneſs, that it may drive my thoughts to immortality, and fix my ſoul upon eternity.
Bleſſed Lord, my hope is in thee, my ſoul truſteth in thee, and under the ſhadow of thy wings ſhall be my refuge, untill this miſery be overpaſt. O Lord conſider my complaint, for I am brought very low.
Let my preſent anguiſh more prevail with thee, to move thee to compaſſion, than my former fooliſhneſs, to ſtir thy wrath and indignation: O enter not into judgement with thy ſervant, for no fleſh is righteous in thy ſight.
Lord, I confeſs my wickedneſs, and am ſorry for my ſin; for thy Names ſake, O Lord, be mercifull unto my ſin, for it is great; my confuſion is daily before me, and the ſhame of my face hath covered me, my heart is diſquieted within me, and the fear of death is fallen upon me: Lord, I am thine, O ſave me for thy mercy ſake; into thy hands I commend my ſelf, for thou haſt redeemed me, O Lord thou God of Truth.
Forſake me not, O Lord my God, be not thou far from me, haſt thee to help me, O Lord God of my ſalvation. O ſpare me, for thy mercy ſake, that I may recover my ſtrength, before I goe hence, and be no more ſeen. Amen.
CHAP. 35. Upon the miſery of Life, and bleſſedneſs of Death.
I am a Pilgrim, and a Stranger here, as all my Fathers were, I am wearied out with travell, and long to be at reſt; I am lodged here, but with great coſt, and greater danger; this ſeeming ſweetneſſe hath coſt me much true ſorrow, many bitter ſighs, and aking hearts, diſturbance of body, diſtraction of ſoul; I have ſought for help here below, but can find none, no creature on earth to relieve me, none to ſupport me; I have ſeen pleaſure to be folly, and laughter madneſs, men of low degree to be vanity, of high degree a lye, their underſtanding vain, their labours vain, their help much more vain; for who can ranſome the ſoul of his brother? ſurely man muſt let that alone for ever. My ſubſtance is a meer ſhadow, and my reſt unquietneſs; I labour for holineſs, but I cannot attain it; I ſearch for happineſs, but I cannot find it; the Devill beguiles me of it, the World allures me from it; yea (ſo ſad is my condition) that mine own ſoul is againſt mine own contentment: Mine underſtanding coſens me, mine affections betray me, my memory forſakes me; thoſe things which I would doe, I cannot, and I daily doe thoſe things which I would not; all that I am, all that I can be in this life, is nothing elſe but extreme vanity.
What ſhall I think of all this? and wherewith ſhall I comfort me? by thy mercy, Lord, I have found out one that can relieve me;127 Thou (O my bleſſed Saviour) art unto me life, and by thee death is unto me advantage; while my body ſleeps it ſhall reſt, and that reſt ſhall be truly bleſſed; I ſhall reſt from labour, from ſorrow, from ſin; my ſleep ſhall be ſafe, my viſion happy; while my body ſleepeth my ſoul ſhall awake; when my ſoul is uncloathed of fleſh, and my fleſh of beauty, my ſpirit ſhall be made ready with the robes of glory; while my duſt is inſenſible, my ſpirit is intelligible; mine eyes ſhall be then opened, and I ſhall ſee even as I am ſeen, with purity, and perfection of ſoul; no veil of nature ſhall obſcure me, no defect of organes hinder me, no clouds of ſin moleſt me; mine underſtanding ſhall be clear, mine affections pure, my memory perfect; I ſhall there be ſatisfied in beholding, raviſhed in injoying, bleſſed in reteining: nothing can be there wanting where I enjoy all that was, that is, that is to come; where the happy humanity is eternally united to the bleſſed deity, where I am Chriſts, and Chriſt is Gods. O happy condition of my ſinfull body, O bleſſed change of my immortall ſoul, the one is ſowen in corruption that it may riſe to immortality; the other layeth down corruption, to inher it glory; though I now leave it, I ſtill long to enjoy it, and joy exceedingly in longing for it, becauſe I know I ſhall for ever be united to it.
But wo is me, even in this happineſs I am ſtill miſerable, I have found out my quiet, but I care not to enjoy it; death offers me a crown, and I refuſe to accept it; am I ſo ſenſleſs to affect mine own unhappineſs? to rejoyce in labour, and complain of reſt? what doe I here any longer? the world loves me not, nor I it;128 why do I thus dote upon mine enemy? when it frowns it afflicts me, when it ſmiles it betrayes me; there is nothing in it but wearineſs and miſery.
Go out therefore, O my ſoul, go out cheerfully, from thy priſon to thy palace, God is thy father, and heaven thy country; thou art here diſtreſſedly poor, and wretchedly naked, bereaved of graces, diſpoyled of goodneſs, thou haſt there much treaſure, and of great price, a fair manſion, and a goodly heritage; Chriſt hath purchaſed it, and is gone before to prepare it: Thou longeſt much in this life to behold that which thou never ſaweſt; here are great and glorious things prepared for thee, ſuch as eye hath not ſeen, ear hath not heard, neither have entred into the heart of man to conceive; how earneſtly ſhouldſt thou long to ſee them? how much more earneſtly to enjoy them? how willingly ſhould this make thee to expreſs thy ſelf with holy David, and ſay, My ſoul is athirſt for God, yea even for the living God, when ſhall I come and appear before the preſence of my God?
Alaſs my ſoul, thou art here but groping in the dark, daily erring and miſtaking, hourly ſtumbling and ſalling into ſin, into ſhame, into ſorrow; in great danger of the miſeries of life, in greater of the torments of eternall death.
All that thou knoweſt here is to know thy ſelf ignorant: Thou onely knoweſt things here by their events, thou ſhalt there know them in their firſt cauſes; thou art here wearied out in gaining this imperfect, lame, and empty knowledge, thou ſhalt there delight thy ſelf in knowing all that is deſirable, by knowing him in129 whom are all the treaſures of wiſdom and knowledge; theſe drops of tranſitory joyes are full of bitterneſs, thoſe rivers of eternall pleaſures, are derived from the fountain of eternall ſweetneſs; thou haſt here vain pomp to delight thee, thou haſt there a far greater and more exceeding weight of glory to encompaſs thee; thou art here enthralled by the miſery of life, thou art there inlarged by the bleſedneſs of death.
Bleſſed Lord, all this by grace I know, and ſaithfully believe; and yet by nature I am ſtill blind, and ignorant, unable to diſcern, unwilling to deſire thoſe bleſſed things which are belonging to mine everlaſting peace; but when thou (in thy rich mercy) ſhalt once open mine eyes, to ſee the beauty of my heavenly home, I ſhall then entirely love it, and unfeignedly long for it; I ſhall then moſt willingly forſake theſe tottering walls of my frail fleſh, to dwel with thee in p•rfect holineſs and endleſs happineſs, that frailty may be ſwallowed up of immortality, and immortality may be imbraced by eternity.
O thou which wert; and art to come, who haſt ſweetned death by thy perfect obedience, and perfumed the grave by thy bleſſed ſufferings, ſuffer me not in my laſt hour, for any pains of death, or terrors of hell, to fall from the faſt hold of a true and lively faith in thy promiſes, to loſe the precious hopes of immortality, and ſweet enjoyments of eternity.
Lord let me then ſay with thy bleſſed Apoſtle, That I know whom I have truſted, that he will keep what I have delivered to him, and reſtore it ſafely unto me at that day.
130Let me ſeriouſly conſider of the miſery of life, and bleſſedneſs of death; acquaint, me every day with the remembrance of it, and bleſs me every hour with a deſire unto it; that I may willingly uncloath my ſelf of ſin and miſery, and joyfully be cloathed upon with immortalitie.
O Lord prepare me for that bleſſed hour, and in my greateſt weakneſs and extremity, even then when all the comforts of this wretched life ſhall fail me, Lord Jeſus forſake me not, be not thou far from me.
O give me then that inward joy, that bleſſed comfort of thy holy Spirit, that may ſupport and comfort me in all the terrors and amazements of this dark and unknown paſſage, in all the dreadfull accuſations of the devill, and mine own accuſing conſcience.
Lord let thy bleſſed Spirit then witneſs to my ſoul, that I am thy child, that thou wilt purge away all my droſs, and take away all my ſins; that I am powerfully protected by thy grace, and ſhall aſſuredly be made partaker of thy glory. Amen.
CHAP. 36. Upon the great Neglect of Opportunities in doing good unto the Saints.
Lord,
WHen I call to mind the richneſs, and the largeneſs of thy bounty towards me, I am much grieved at the coldneſs, and the careleſneſs of my affections towards thine; each object of charity is an opportunity of mercy; If I neglect it, I am unkind to thee my Saviour, cruel to my neigbour, injurious to mine own ſoul.
I am not,•ord, but Steward of thine outward bleſſings, and it were now juſt with thee, to call me to a ſtrict account: If any of thy Saints ſuffer, which thou ſendeſt unto me for relief, their ſufferings thou wilt ſurely require at my hands: as each cup of cold water which I have given in thy name, ſhall not loſe its reward, ſo each farthing which I ow unto thee in thy members, will aſſuredly require its everlaſting puniſhment.
I have been too carefully ſolicitous for the things of this life, too careſly negligent of the treaſures in that to come: I have had many wayes to deprive my ſelf of my preſent comfort, of my future happineſs; when my talent hath been large, I have had no leiſure, when little, no ability to works of mercy. The preſent neceſſities of thy Saints have been daily negleſted,132 upon the falſe pretence of future opportunities; and thoſe future opportunities again put off by the dilatory plea of mine own preſent neceſſities: Thus have I long kept my ſelf in a circulation of ſelf-couzenage, and have ſo lived here as if I were never to go hence, and were utterly ignorant for what cauſe I came hither.
From whence is this my great neglect of charity towards my brethren, but from my greater want of love to thee my God, and from whence my diſobedience to thy precepts, but from mine unbelief of thy promiſes? Thou biddeſt me Give, and haſt promiſed it ſhall be given unto me, good meaſure, ſhaken together, preſſed down, and running over, Luke 6.38. Thou commandeſt me not to be weary in well doing, and haſt promiſed, that in due time I ſhall reap, if I faint no•Epheſ. 6.9. If I did beleeve the one, I ſhould gladly perform the other; and whoſe word ſhall I take (Lord) if I dare to queſtion thine? All thy bleſſed promiſes are Yea and Amen, the begining ſweet, the end certain; as thou haſt a bottle for my tears, and a bag for my tranſgreſſions, ſo thou haſt allſo a book for mine Almſ-deeds, Acts, 10.4. Not one of them ſhall be forgotten, but even the very leaſt of them ſhall be•raciouſly accepted, gloriouſly rewarded; not for my work ſake, but for thy promiſe ſake, no: for mine own ſake, but for my Saviours ſake: Lord I can merit nothing at thy hands but by thine own mercy.
And now Lord, let me examine, What I have gained, by my want of charity. I have exchanged Heaven to enjoy earth, I have parted133 with thee my Saviour, in whom are all the treaſures that are true and crernall, for the very baſeſt part of earth, which is vain and uncertain; I have loſt thoſe bleſſed opportunities of doing good which can never be recalled, and together with them, thoſe rewards of thine, which ſhall never be enjoyed. I have offended thee my God, grieved thy Saints, burdened mine own conſcience, and been an utter enemy to mine own ſalvation.
As my affections have been frozen towards others, ſo have I juſtly found the gifts and graces of thy holy Spirit, decaying daily in mine own ſoul; my love cold to thy law, mine ears deaf to thy precepts, my mouth dumb to thy praiſes; my faith dead to thy promiſes, my hope fainting, my zeal languiſhing, my joy periſhing. Theſe are the ſad and ſure effects of want of charity, the beginning ſinfull, the progreſs dangerous, the end deſperate.
Lord, if thoſe heavenly ſpirits, whoſe very names import their ardency of love to thy glory, are yet found cold enough in thy ſight, with what horror and confuſion of face, will thoſe wretched ſouls appear before thee, who have not been ſo much as lukewarm in thy ſervice?
By thy grace (Lord) I will therefore henceforth make a godly improvement of all future opportunities of doing good; wharſoever thine allowance is unto me, of theſe outward bleſſings, I will dedicate ſome due proportion of it unto works of mercy; and cheerfully, and thankfully, truſt thee my God with the ſuſtentation of my body, upon whoſe bleſſed protection, I ſafely relie for the eternall preſervation of my ſoul.
134my heart, my hand, my tongue, mine actions, ſhall be allwaies ready to relieve the neceſſities, to promote the good of thy children; and as this happy reſolution hath had its beginning from thy grace, ſo ſhall its aim be wholly at thy glory.
Bleſſed Lord,
Such is thy gratious goodneſſe unto thine, that thou even preventeſt them with thy bleſſings; while they call upon thee thou art ready to anſwer, and before they speak unto thee thou art willing to hear.
Lord, I am thy child, and am therefore bold to crave a bleſſing of thee, and what is now more ſuitable to my neceſſities, than the ſweet infuſion of thy holy Spirit? for I now find (to my grief of heart) that the forein heat of the pleaſures and profits of this life, have extracted from me the inward heat of my deſires and longings for thy bleſſed preſence; the adventitious heat of the love of this world, hath quite conſumed in me the naturall heat of my zeal to thy kingdom.
Lord, kindle in me thoſe decaying sparks of thy grace, that they may now grow up into a bright flame of fervent affections to thy glory, and thy childrens good.
Teach me to know that godlineſse is great gain, and that the trueſt treaſures are thoſe which are layd up with thee in thy Kingdom.
Lord, pardon my neglects of holy duties; forgive my deadneſſe, and my dulneſſe unto works of mercy; repair my ſinfull breaches by thy preſent graces: O let the fervour of my future135 charity become a pleaſing ſacrifiſe to expiate my former miſery; to reconcile my ſoul (in Chriſt) to endleſs mercy. Amen.
CHAP. 37. Upon the deceitfulneſs of the heart in the performance of holy duties.
NOthing is more common amongſt Chriſtians than to be deluded by the ſhew of holy actions; the heart of man is deceitfull above all things, who can know it? holy performances are uſually accompanied with helliſh temptations; when the Ship of our ſoules is under ſail, and hath the freſheſt way for heaven, we have then moſt need to look to our ſteerage, to have an eye to the compaſs and land-marks.
Which of our holy duties (which are the ſhips we ſayl in to the port of happineſs) have not their rocks to ſplit upon, or Remoraes to hinder them, or croſs winds to divert them, or leaks to ſink them, or ſeas to overwhelm them? when we arrive at any ſmall meaſure of goodneſs, we many times reſt in it, and grow ſecure upon it: if grace carry us on farther, we are too apt to beleeve that we are far better than our neighbours, that we are highly in Gods favour, and cannot but deſerve his fatherly protection, his liberall remuneration; and ſo by this ſecret inſinuation of pride in our hearts, wee have folly in our hands,136 ſinne in our mindes, and ſhame in our actions.
That prayer is very rare, that is not fick of ſome diſtemper; that charity very pure, that can admit of no miſtakes, and that performance very perfect, that is not ſoyled with ſome filth of wickedneſs: How willing are our thoughts to wander in our prayers? how cold and careleſs are we in them? and how remils in the performance of them? where is that conſtancy, that fervency, that holy importunity of ſpirit that is required of us in this holy exerciſe? which of us can truly ſay, that (throughout the whole courſe of his whole life hitherto) he ever put up one prayer unto Almighty God, that was not cumbred with diſtracted thoughts, that needed not a preſent pardon? I tremble at mine own, and grieve at others failings (O let my ſevereſt cenſures of my brothers ſins, be aſſured ſigns of my beſt love) How far are we (even the very beſt of us) from that purity, and perfection of ſoul which becometh this holy duty? and yet how ready are we, even the very worſt of us, to beleeve our ſelves ſufficiently holy, aſſuredly happy?
We content our ſelves uſually with the very ſhels, and husks, and outſides of Religion; with ſhews and ſhadows of devotion; with cuſtomary, cold prayers; intermitted, undigeſted readings; careleſs, inconſiderate meditations; hypocritall, phariſaical faſtings; popular Almſdeeds, having onely the ſhew of godlineſs, but denying the power thereof: All theſe, and whatſoever elſe are like to theſe, are odious to God, abhominable to good men, and moſt deſtructive to their ſouls that are deluded by them.
137When, by the ſweet aſſiſtance of the heavenly goodneſs, and gentle breathings of his bleſſed Spirit, we are drawing nearer to our haven; when the aguiſh diſtempers of the ſoul are abated, and her native and radicall heat is grown ſtrong and vigorous; when the fervencie of our zeal is a rich evidence of the livelineſs of our faith, of the certainty of our hope, of the perfection of our charity; when our affections are inflamed with Gods love, and our actions aim onely at his glory; when we are grown up to that happy ſtate of grace, that our conſciences are pure, our reſolutions godly, our converſations unblamable; allthough wee dare not then propoſe theſe baſe and by reſpects, theſe outward aims, unto out ſelves, yet how cunningly and cloſely will corruptions Real in upon us, even in theſe very bleſſed acts of grace? This is too truly proved, too ſadly experienced, even by the very beſt of Chriſtians: Lord (in thy rich mercie) give us eyes to diſcern it, hearts to avoyd it.
How often may we find pride in our humility, luſt in our deſires of chaſtity, our own private ends in our propoſals of Gods publique intereſt? when we bear a part amongſt the mourners of Syon, when we are caſt down for ſome humane frailty, wee preſently conceive highly of our own holineſs, and very meanly of others in their relations unto happineſs; while we have ſought to become better, by the propoſall of ſome ſtrict rules, to preſerve chaſtity, have we not many times become worſe, by poyſoning thoſe very defires by unclean thoughts, and uncleaner actions? How many138 while they have ſincerely aimed at Gods glory, by the holy propoſall, and happy performance of ſome reall good, for the benefit of his children, have been ſecretly ſurpriſed with the by-end of their own deſerved praiſe? Lord, how readily have I now met with mine own ſins, to thy great glory, and mine own deſerved ſlame? I willingly confeſs, that I am guilty of all this, and infinitely more than this; even theſe very lines are witneſſes againſt me, of my ſecret corruptions; O let this my ſorrowfull confeſſion purchaſe for me thy free and full remiſſion, that thou mayſt have the glory, I the comfort, of theſe weak endeavours.
And now Lord, ſeeing I am thus impure, and ſinfull in mine own eyes, even in the very beſt of my performances, how loathſome muſt I needs appear in thy ſight, who art Purity it ſelf, and canſt not behold iniquity! Bleſſed Lord, as thou haſt given me the light of thy Word to diſcover me unto my ſelf, ſo give me allſo the ſword of thy Spirit, to deliver me from my ſelf.
Deliver me, O Lord, from the evill man, from mine ownſecret corruptions, and unknown abominations.
Allthough I am unto mine own ſoul both ruine and deſtruction yet let my bleſſed Saviour be unto me ſafety and ſalvation.
Search my heart (O Lord) and try my reins; O let no baſe and by-reſpects inhabit there, to rob thee of thine honour; no falſe and vain reſpects, to cheat me of my preſent holineſs, and future bappineſs.
Pardon and paſs by the ſecret and unknown errours of my ſinfull life, ſuppreſs the great diſturbances139 turbances of my corrupt affections, allthough they many times prevail againſt me, yet let thy ſaving grace (Lord) be ſufficient for me.
Lord make me purely and entirely holy; let me love holineſs, neither for fear of thy puniſhments, nor for hope of thy rewards, but for thy ſake onely (O my God) who art holineſs it ſelf. Let me never think my ſelf holy enough, but forget all thoſe holy actions which are paſt, and preſs hard forward towards the mark, for the rich price of the high calling in Chriſt Jeſus.
Lord crown my holy deſires with happy performances, and bleſſed perſeverance, that at the end of my race I may receive the end of my hopes, the ſalvation of my pretious ſoul, and that for his ſake, and perfect holineſs, by whom I truſt theſe weak and ſinfull endeavours of mine, ſhall be gratiouſly accepted, and faithfully rewarded. Amen.
CHAP. 38. Upon the unrulineſs of the Tongue, with neceſſary cautions to reſtrain it.
Lord,
THY ſervant David is ſaid to be a man after thine own heart, and yet I find him ſetting a watch before his lips, that he might not offend with his congue: if ſuch a choſen veſſel as he had ſo much need of circumſpection, what holy cautions had I need to uſe, what ſtrict rules to obſerve, who am ſo far from David's purity, that I am nothing elſe but wilfull impiety? I am ſo far (Lord) from being at union with thee, that I am even enmity it ſelf againſt thee.
In vain had holy David ſet a watch before his lips, unleſs he had firſt ſet a guard upon his heart; where the fountain is impure, the ſtreams can never be wholſome; if the heart be full of ſinfull corruption, the tongue will ſoon overflow with corrupt and ſinfull communication.
Lord, I need none other proof of this point, than mine own ſinfull failings; how often have I provoked thee to anger, and diſpleaſure againſt me, by that uſuall, but moſt fearfull ſin of ſwearing? of which, with ſhame and ſorrow I confeſs, my younger years were ſadly guilty; ſince when, time and experience having added more light to my mind, but thou (O Lord) eſpecially more grace to my heart, when I would have left it, to my great grief I could not; and had not that thy ſaving and preventing grace reſtrained141 my depraved nature, this ſin had doubtleſs been a ſad memoriall to my grave: ſuch is the power of ſin once grown habituall. O let my ſorrowfull confeſſion be the readers uſefull inſtruction, that thou mayſt have the glory, I the ſhame of my miſ-doing.
Lord, I have often ſinned againſt thee, by my wretched violation of the truth, in envious detractions from the good of my neighbour, vainglorious aggravations of mine own abilities, cenſorious taxations of my brethrens infirmities, indulgent diminutions of mine own iniquities.
I have often grieved thy good Spirit, by which thou haſt ſealed me up unto the day of redemption, by my vain and idle communications, by my raſh and ſinfull exprobations, by my weak and froward objurgations, to the great diſhonour of thee my God, to the cominuall grief of thy Saints, to the ſad diſturbance of my ſelf.
All this (to my hearts grief) have I often done, and by all this I may now plainly ſee, how much I have hitherto been the ſervant of ſin, and Satan, how great an enemy to thy glory, and to the good of mine own ſoul: But now, Lord, by thine aſſiſtance, my ſpeciall care ſhall henceforth be, to allow my ſelf no liberty of ſpeech, but what is aiming at Eternity; if my heart be heavenly, my words will be gratious, my actions holy, mine end happy; and that all this may be ſo indeed (by thy grace Lord) I will obſerve with carefulneſs, and conſtancy, theſe following cautions.
1. Before I ſpeak, I will conſider, that I am in thy bleſſed preſence, that what is once•p•k•n142 can never be recalled, but is recorded for eterternity.
2. That each idle word muſt be accounted for, and that my whole life hitherto hath been little elſe but vain and empty diſcourſe, tending much to thy diſhonor, the hurt of my neighbour, and (without mercy in Chriſt) the deſtruction of my own ſoul.
3. That there is no truer teſtimony of a graceleſs heart, than a licentious tongue; that if I be not holy in my diſcourſe, I can never be happy in mine actions.
4. That it is impoſſible for thoſe prayers to be pleaſing to God, which are offered up with that ſinfull member, that is ſo ſhamefully defiled with evill and corrupt communications amongſt men.
5. That if I make a mock at Chriſtianity, by having onely a form of godlineſs in mine outward actions, but denying the power thereof in my uſuall converſation, God will one day pay me home, by ſhewing me the richneſs of his ſufferings, but denying me the benefits thereof, and the ſweet enjoyments thereby.
6. That without helineſſe no man ſhall ſee the Lord; and that ſuch as is my common, and moſt accuſtomed diſcourſe in my life, I may well fear will be my laſt, and moſt uncomfortable expreſſions at my death.
7. Unto all this I will adde the ſhortneſſe, miſery, and uncertainty of a ſinfull life; the horrour and amazement of a wretched death; the extremity and eternity of torments after death. Lord, when my heart is thus guarded by thy grace, my lips I truſt will be ever open to thy praiſe.
143Bleſſed God,
If thy holy Angell durſt not give railing accuſations againſt the devill; if thy Sainss in patience poſſeſſe their own ſoules, and their ſpeeches he ſeaſoned with ſalt, adminiſtring grace to the hearts of the hearers; if thou the bleſsed Saviour of the world, when thou wert reviled, reviledſt not again, but as a lamb before the ſhearers ſo openedſt thou not thy mouth, with what comfort can I now appear before thee, with what confidence expect a bleſſing from thee?
With grief and ſorrow I confeſſe, that my heart hath ever been full of corruption, and naughtineſse, my mouth full of curſing and bitterneſſe, my daily diſcourſe full of folly and uncleanneſſe, the whole courſe of my life full of miſery and wickedneſſe.
O that my head were water, and mine eyes a fountain of tears, that I might weep day and night (that I might mourn continually) for mine own and others ſins.
Lord purifie my heart, and rectifie my tongue, that both may be accepted of thee, and now and ever graciouſly directed by thee.
Lord, I acknowledge my faults, and my ſin is ever before me; O let the ſorrowfull remembrance of my ſins invite thee to a ſweet remembrance of thy mercies, that thou mayeſt have the praiſe, and I the comfort of thy gracious pardon.
Lord let my heart be inflamed with thy love, and my mouth filled with thy praiſe, that I may ſacrifile my oul unto thee, that I may ſanctifie my ſoul before thee, by devout thoughts, by144 gracious words, and godly actions, that ſo I may with joyfulneſse and thankfulneſſe appear in thy fight, not onely all the day long, but even all my life long, that thou (my God) mayſt be glorified, thy Saints delighted, and my ſinfnll foul eternally comforted. Amen.
CHAP. 39. Upon holy revenge for ſin, with motives and encouragements thereunto.
Lord,
I Have ever been too apt to revenge the ſmalleſt injuries offered unto me by others, in relation to mine outward condition, and too remiſs in that holy revenge of thoſe great and inſufferable wrongs, which I daily and hourly obtrude upon mine own ſoul; this plainly ſheweth me to have been too much ſavouring of fleſh and blood, too little mindfull of thy kingdom, and the righteouſneſs thereof: That ſoul which is truly ſenſible of its own injury, will (by thy grace) be dayly minding of its own redreſle; and that ſinner which is uncapable of ſlight offences, will in time become inſenſible of greater.
My greateſt enemies are thoſe of mine own houſhold: The world may allure me, the devill perſwade me, but it is mine own falſe heart alone that betrayes me, and mine own corrupt nature that enſlaves me: my greateſt145 care ſhall therefore be, to bend my ſtrongeſt force againſt mine own corruptions; to labour much to ſubdue mine affections, and to take an holy revenge upon my ſinfull actions; not to ſatisfie thy juſtice, but to implore thy mercie, that I may thereby truly manifeſt my perfect hatred againſt ſin, and the ſincerity of my ſoul to thy ſervice.
There need none other motives to invite me to this holy duty, than the wofull breaches ſin hath daily made in my ſoul, ſuch as (without mercy) will never be repaired; this is too ſadly proved by the ſenſible decay of goodneſſe, and the too powerfull growth of ungodlineſſe in my corrupt heart; as it is eaſie for that Caſtle to ſtand a cloſe ſiege, that is well fortified, man'd and victualled, ſo is it impoſsible for that Fort to hold out long which maketh no reſiſtance.
Lord, as mine own ſpirituall ruins have hitherto been cauſed by mine own neglects, ſo (by thy gratious aſsiſtance) mine own repairs ſhall be begun and finiſhed, by my preſent deſires, and future endeavours. That time which I have loſt by former careleſneſſe, and coldneſſe in Religion, I will endeavour to redeem by holy vigilance, and Chriſtian fortitude; and that I may ſincerely be what I intend, with willingneſs of heart, I offer up this ſolemn Vow unto thee: Lord, as this holy motion came from thy heavenly Spirit, ſo enable me to the performance of it, by thy grace, to thy glory, and my ſoules eternall comfort.
I vow my ſelf a ſerious and profeſſed enemy to all ungodlineſſe; no ſinfull thought ſhall146 ſurpriſe me without a ſorrowfull ſigh; no ungracious word paſs me without a ſudden retractation, and devout confeſsion; no wicked action defile me without a ſincere and godly humiliation; unto each meaſure of ſin I will allow a due meaſure of ſorrow; thoſe ſins that have been reigning over me, ſhall at ſet houres be conſtantly revenged by me; and as my body hath been a deep ſharer in my ſinnes, ſo it ſhall allſo be a dayly ſharer in my ſufferings: I will at ſet ſeaſons deny my ſelf ſomewhat of theſe outward enjoyments (which thou Lord in mercy haſt allowed me) as a true ſign of my true ſorrow for that ſinfull exceſs which I have too often taken without thine allowance. Thoſe ſinfull houres which have been vainly loſt in idleneſſe and emptineſſe, ſhall be willingly redeemed in a conſtant obſervation of religious duties; no day ſhall paſſe me without a ſolemn and devout task of devotion, no hour without ſome ſweet ejaculation: And when at any time the troubles and diſturbances of this frail life ſhall deny me happy opportunities for theſe heavenly performances, what is wanting in act ſhall be made up in deſire; which thou, Lord, I truſt wilt graciouſly accept, and look upon as done, becauſe faithfully intended.
O thou infinitely wiſe, and for ever bleſſed being, that art truly and eternally happy, without the ſinfull ſervice of thy creature; and yet commandeſt us to ſerve thee for our own ſakes, that we allſo may be happy in thee; thou that loveſt not a falſe and fickle heart, nor delighteſt in the ſacrifiſe of fooles, give me147 a wiſe and underſtanding heart, that I may ſeriouſly conſider of this ſacred Vow; give me a conſtant and religious heart, that I may chearfully perform what I have faithfully promiſed; give me a broken and a contrite heart, that I may bitterly bewail what I have fooliſhly neglected; that thy great name may be glorified, my ſinfull life amended, my conſcience quieted, my spirit comforted, thy Saints delighted, thine Angels rejoyced, and my ſoul and body eternally ſaved in the great and dreadfull day of the Lord Jeſus, to whom with thee, O bleſſed Father, and thine holy Spirit, be all poſſible praiſe, and honour, and glory, now and for ever. Amen.
CHAP. 40. Upon the bleſſed condition of Gods Saints, with motives and encouragements unto Godlineſs.
Lord,
(To cloſe up theſe imperfect lines) as I began with that beauty of holineſſe, which thou thy ſelf art, and is eſſentially contained in thee, ſo my ſoules deſire is to end with that bleſſedneſſe, which we thy Saints enjoy, even in this vale of miſery, and is eternally derived from thee; that ſo I may begin, and end with thee, who art the beginning and end of148 thy creature, that I may lead thy ſervants from the pure fountain of true holineſſe, to the ſweet ſtreames of inward happineſſe, wherein we may ſecurely bath our weary ſoules in reſt and quietneſſe, untill thy gracious goodneſſe ſhall conduct us home, unto the full fruition of thoſe joyfull rivers, of thine endleſle pleaſure.
I am no ſooner entred upon this bleſſed ſearch, but I find my ſoul raviſhed with admiration at the greatneſſe, with apprehenſion of the goodneſſe, with contemplation of the freeneſſe of thy love and favour towards me. I ſee thee the great and glorious God of heaven and earth, from all eternity, out of thine own gracious goodneſſe, without all poſsibility in me (when I was not) either of deſiring, or deſerving this ineſtimable love of thine, electing me in Chriſt (of whom thou hadſt no need, from whom thou couldſt receive no benefit) unto holyneſſe and happineſſe in this life, and unto blefſedneſſe in that to come; and as I find this love of thine to be purely, ſimply, admirably and eternally great, ſo is it alſo truly, neceſsarily, ſufficiently and permanently good.
If it were not truly good, it could never make me truly happy; if not neceſſarily good, I might then enjoy happineſſe without it; if not ſufficiently good, my happineſſe enjoyed by it could not afford me ſatisfaction in it; if not permanently good, what I enjoy in ſatisfaction, I may want in perfection, by being ſuddainly removed from it. But thou, O Lord, haſt graciouſly afforded me all theſe degrees of happineſſe, that I might be truly and eternally happy, that I might be happy in thee, becauſe149 there is no attainining happineſſe but by thee, that I may be happy in ſoul, and happy in body, happy in life, and happy in death, happy here, and happy hereafter.
Thou, O my bleſſed Saviour, art ſweeter unto me than all ſweetneſſe; thou art that bleſſed All-ſufficiency, by which I am both fully, and for ever ſatisfied? thou art my ſafe repoſe, my inviolable peace, my rich reſt, my ſafety in life, my comfort in death, my glory after death. By thy patient ſufferings, I am more than conqueror of ſin, of ſorrow, of death, of hell; by thy glorious reſurrection I have aſſured hope of immortality; by thy bleſſed aſcention, of eternall glory; by the one thou haſt powerfully defended me againſt the rage and malice of devils, by the other thou haſt graciouſly exalted me in thy bleſſed union with me above the nature of Angels; thy peace thou haſt left with me, thy peace thou haſt given unto me, even that bleſſed peace of conſcience which the world cannot take from me, and that eternity of peace with thee in thy Kingdom, which thou Lord in thy rich mercy haſt prepared for me. O that I might now loſe my ſelf with contemplation of thine endleſſe love, that I might be raviſhed into extaſie, with apprehenſion of my preſent ſafety, of my future glory; that all my faculties of ſoul might be but one entire and pleaſing ſacrifiſe of thankfulneſſe unto thee; that as thou (O my Saviour) and the Father are one, ſo I may be one with thee, to magnifie thy gracious preſence here, and to be for ever where thou art hereafter, to ſee thy great glory, and enjoy mine own end leſſe felicity.
150From this for ever bleſſed fountain of eternall happineſs doe plentifully flow thoſe pleaſant ſtreams of comfort, to the ſouls and bodies of the Saints, even in this life, by which they are ſecurely quieted, and joyfully contented, even in the very worſt of times, which either mans malice, or the Devils cruelty, can ſtudy to inflict upon them; if they receive injuries, they return prayers, they entertain them with a Father forgive them, for they know not what they doe, Luk. 23.34. and Lord lay not this ſin to their charge, Act. 7.60. And ſo while they loſe outwardly, they gain inwardly (& godlineſs is great gain) for by patience they poſſeſs their own ſouls.
Their courage is undaunted, for The righteous is hold as a Lion, able to encounter the fierceſt affliction, ready to withſtand the ſtrongeſt temptation; if the World frown upon them, they can chearfully ſay, and faithfully believe, that A ſmall thing which the righteous hath, is better than great riches of the ungodly, Pſal. 37.16. if it ſmile, that They then account all things but loſs and dung in compare of Chriſt Jeſus; if outward bleſſings be preſent, they are humble under them, and thankfull for them; if abſent, They can patiently tarry for the Lord, for they know he is their help, Pſal. 33.14. and that No good thing will he withhold from them that love him, Pſal. 34.10. if ſickneſs ſeize upon them, The Lord is about their bed, and about their path, and ſpieth out all their waies (their waies of ſin, and their waies of ſorrow) yea, He maketh their beds in their ſickneſs, (by eaſe to their bodies, comfort to their ſouls;) if famine threaten them, they have God's promiſe to maintain them, For the eye of the Lord is upon them that fear him, and upon all thoſe that put151 their truſt in his mercy, To deliver their ſouls from dearth, and to feed them in the time of ſecurity, Pſal. 33.17, 18. if ſudden danger approach them, they have heavenly ſuccour to defend them, for The Angell of the Lord tarrieth about all them that fear him, to deliver them; yea even Death it ſelf is an advantage to them, and therefore no waies able to affright them, for Pretious in the ſight of the Lord is the death of his Saints; and therefore, Though the Lord kill them, yet will they truſt in him, Iob 13.15. Lord, if thy mercy be thus great unto me, while I am yet in my ſinfull fleſh, how unſpeakable ſhall I find thy love, when my body is become ſpirituall, my joy eternall?
From theſe outward enjoyments may well be derived their inward contentments, but by their inward refreſhments is enjoyed that incomparable, inconceivable, unutterable ſweetneſs, that bleſſed peace of God, and joy in the holy Ghoſt, which paſſeth all our underſtanding, God's holy Spirit witneſſing with their ſpirits, that they are his children, and moſt pretious in his ſight, and they are now fully perſwaded, with his bleſſed Apoſtle, that Neither Death, nor Life, nor Angels, nor Principalities, nor Powers, nor things preſent, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other Creature, ſhall be ever able to ſeparate them from the love of God which is in Chriſt Jeſus our Lord, Rom. 8. 37, 38.
How full of ſolid comfort is this bleſſed aſſurance? how are our ſouls raviſhed with apprehenſion of the ſweetneſs of our preſent comforts, of the fulneſs of our future joyes? theſe bleſſed earneſts of that ever bleſſed Spirit, are the faithfull pledges of his future embraces, far152 above the reach of Malice to diſturb, or Devill to deſtroy: Hence it is that our faith is pretious, our hope lively, our joy glorious, our lives ſafe, our deaths bleſſed, and from hence ariſe thoſe many and thoſe rich endowments of the Saints, their zeal burning, their love wonderfull, their deſires earneſt, their longings inſatiate, their petitions for enjoyings importunate: Lord, what can I deſire more of thee, than what I enjoy from thee? I have thy mercy without me, and thy mercy within me, thy mercy in life, and thy mercy in death, thy mercy from the beginning, thy mercy to the end, and thy mercy without end, I am even crowned and encompaſſed with mercy; O let me now ſay with holy David, I will allwaies give thanks unto the Lord, and his praiſe ſhall be ever in my mouth, Pſal. 34.1. Let me not onely praiſe thee my ſelf, but (with him allſo) invite others to praiſe thee, O praiſe the Lord with me (all ye his Saints) and let us magnifie his name together, Pſal. 34.3. O taſt and ſee how gratious the Lord is, bleſſed is that man which putteth his truſt in him. Be glad, O yee righteous, and rejoyce in the Lord, and be joyfull all yee that are true of heart, Pſal. 32.12.
And now, Lord, having had a taſt of the ſweetneſs of thy Saints happineſs on earth, I willingly forſake all to follow them; I have too long been ſtraying in the ſtrange paſtures of impiety, and am now joyfully deſirous to be led home to thy fold, that I may feed in the green and freſh paſtures of thy ſacred precepts, and drink freely of thoſe waters of comfort in thy bleſſed promiſes, that I may ſo drinle that I may never thirſt, but be fully ſatisfied with thy grace in this life, with thy glory in that to come; O153 let this evill world neither allure me to its vanities, nor betray me from thy mercies, but as thou haſt overcome the world for me, ſo (by thy grace aſſiſting) it may be allſo overcome by me: Thou haſt indeed told me, that I ſhall mourn in it, but my mourning ſhall be turned into joy, and that my joy ſhall no man take from me; Lord I believe, help my unbeliefe; I embrace thy croſs, I deſpiſe the ſhame, for that glory which is ſet before me, of which I have a ſafe aſſurance by the bleſſed earneſt of thy holy Spirit in me: To thee O Father, Son, and holy Spirit, one eternall, infinite, incomprehenſible, and ever bleſſed Goodneſs, be all poſſible praiſe, honour and glory, now and for ever. Amen.
O thou great God, who haſt tender bowels of compaſſions, and multitudes of mercies for us miſerable ſinners, who art not eaſy to be provoked, but ever ready to forgive, who ſuffereſt not thy whole diſpleaſure to ariſe againſt us, but even in thy very judgements remembreſt mercy, and art then moved with the ſight of our miſery, have mercy upon me a great and grievous finner.
Lord I have ſinned, I have tranſgreſſed, I have done fooliſhly, in departing from thy judgements: But righteouſneſs belongeth unto thee (O Lord) and unto me ſhame and confuſion of face; O let thy bowels of compaſſions remove out thy ſight my multitudes of tranſgreſſions, that I may now appear before thee with a joyfull heart, and happy ſoul.
Let thy words be ſweeter to me than the hony and the hony comb (than the vain pleaſures, and falſe profits of this life) O let my chiefeſt joy be in thy ſervice, my greateſt delight to walk in thy waies,154 and all falſe waies (of pollution and uncleanneſs) let me utterly abhorr.
Give me that inward peace, that quietneſs of conſcience, which the world cannot take from me, that when I am afflicted by it, I may not be condemned with it.
Lord let me faithfully believe, and gratiouſly improve the conſtancy of thy love, in the worlds great unconſtancy, the richneſs of thy mercy in this wretched ages miſery.
O that my eye might drop without ceaſing, that my heart might break forth into complaints, and my ſoul be melted into ſorrows, for mine own and others ſins, that have occaſioned theſe heavy judgements, theſe ſad complainings of thy people.
Lord, as I have been a great and grievous ſinner amongst them, ſo let me be a conſtant and a true mourner for them; as thou haſt beheld us ſinning, ſo now allſo behold us ſorrowing, that as our ſins have provoked thee to anger, ſo our tears may move thee to compaſſion, that thy mercy may be magnified, our miſeries relieved, our ſorrows comforted.
O let not theſe bitter aggravations of thy judgements extort from us the leaſt meaſure of impatience, nor beget in us the leaſt degree of diſtruſt; let us neither complain of thy juſtice, nor deſpair of thy mercy, but quietly and thankfully rely upon thee, and in thy bleſſed hour enjoy a ſweet inlargement by thee.
Lord pity the forlorn condition of thy ſons and daughters in affliction, repair their outward loſſes by thine inward graces, that what is wanting to them of theſe earthly comforts, may be abundantly ſupplied in thy heavenly joyes.
155Forgive the great diſturbers of the peace of this thy Sion, Lord open their eyes, that they may ſee how much they have erred from thy waies; Lord ſanctifie their hearts, that they may ſpeedily return unto thee, and be for ever gratiouſly accepted of thee; O that thou wouldst give us one heart, and one voyce, that we might ſerve thee without ceaſing, that we may be all truly humbled before thee, and truly joyfull in thee.
Reſtore me (for thy rich mercy ſake) unto that bleſſed union of Love, which is the bond of Peace; that as thou our God art one, ſo thy diſtreſſed Church may be one, thy divided people one, their wiſhes and deſires, their prayers and tears, their actions and endeavours one, for thy glory, the Churches ſafety, and the Nations happineſs, That we may have peace with thee our God, peace with our enemies, peace with our own ſouls, and everlaſting peace with thee in thy Kingdome. Amen.