1PODEX HIS ENCOMIUM.
OF Microcoſme his chiefeſt Baſe
Don Podex hight, and of his Race,
His Honour, Qualities, and Parts,
And of his many Slights and Arts,
I mean to ſing. Great A-jax, Thou
That know'ſt his Matter, Mould, and how
His Humour flows, inſpire my Quill,
That, to this Age, it may diſtill,
Of its long clowded Excellence,
A Lick, to ſeaſon ev'ry ſence.
When, firſt, the firſt confuſed Maſſe
Did, from its miſh-maſh medly, paſſe
To thoſe foure ſegregated forms,
Whoſe re-commixture now informs
And, Being, gives to whatſoere
Subſiſts in this Terreſtriall Sphear.
And that the Arch-Theeſ's ſtollen Fire
Did, firſt, the Thing, call'd Man, inſpire,
2 Podex then breath'd. His ſhape moſt rare,
For tis not ovall, long, or ſquare,
Trigonall, or Pentagonall,
Or any of the Gones at all,
But pure Orbicular: And ſo
As an Ecliptick Line doth go,
To the Autartick Pole, and frames
Two ſemi Rotunds; But Oakes names
Them Ho-riſe-on-tailes. Wondrous fair
Is his Complexion, for the Air
Doth ſeldome nip it, or the Sun
Give it a kiſſe, to make it dun.
His Dreſſe is of as many kindes,
As there are Nations, Modes, and Mindes,
Sometimes, forſooth, the Spaniſh Hoſe
Doth trick him up, and there He goes;
The French Trunck ſometimes doth him houſe
The Dutch Slopp, and the Iriſh Trouſe,
(That beſt his juſt proportion ſhowes)
The Scottiſh Brackin, (O my Toes!)
The German, Dane, the Swiſſer-cut,
And thouſands more, together put,
In rank and file, of no mean worth,
Do all contend to ſet him forth.
But above all, (and ſomewhat more)
The Shees, from ten, to twice two ſcore,
And upwards yet, moſt caſt about
How they may make him fllaunt it out:
3 And take it in a high diſdain,
He ſhould walk forth without a Train;
Which cloſe ſtill at his heels muſt wait,
For his more Glory, Pomp, and State.
Now though indeed, he hath reſort
In ev'ry Place, (for Camp, and Court,
The Countrey, City knows him well)
Yet he is chiefly pleaſ'd to dwell
In the Low-Countries, mong the Crew
of Fat-chops, of the pureſt hue.
This Podex is in fame, ſo great
All Callings grace him with a Seat,
What Syn'drim, Synod, Senat, State
Without him ere in Councell ſate?
What Courts of Conſcience, Criminall,
Pleas Common, Chequer, Admirall
Do ſentence give on That, or This,
But Podex an Aſſeſſor is?
What Conclave can, or Caball be,
What Conventicle, Committee
Doth hold, or meet, but Podex, there,
Before all others, takes the Chaire?
What publick ſhow, what Maſque, or Play,
Ball, Banquet, Feaſt, Wake, Games of May;
Are ſolemnis'd, for ſport, or grace,
But Podex ſtill is firſt in place?
Yet though we thus, of Podex ſpeak,
Miſtake him not, or think him weak
4 In Spirit, as if only made
For Paſtimes; or that duller trade
Cal'd Contemplation, that preſents
Language for Launces; Tubs for Tents.
No, No; The higheſt Feats of Armes,
The hotteſt Conflicts, and Alarmes
Of thundring Mars, Bellona fierce
Are not without him. To rehearſe
His active Fortitude, would ſpend
Quills to the ſtumps, and yet not end.
What private challenge, Duell, Fray,
Doth paſſe without him? What Array
Of Warre; what March by Day or Night,
What Skermiſh, Battell, Onflat, Fight
By Sea, or Land; What Citty ſtorm'd;
What Fort befieged; What Deed perform'd
Of noted Fame, in Trenches, Grafts,
At Breaches, Turnepicks, Bridges, Rafts,
Mines, Sconces, Paſſes, any where,
But gallant Podex ſtill is there?
What Plot, Deſign of any ſize,
What Stratagem, or Enterpriſe,
Whether in Parties, or alone,
But daring Podex ſtill is one?
What need more on this Point to tarry?
Podez is an Ubiquitarry.
Yet further to enlarge his Praiſe
(Which well deſerves, and wears the Bayſe)
5Know, Podex is of ſuch high ſway
That Kings, when he Commands, obey:
Princes, Lords, Ladies muſt do ſo,
And, where he bids, not ſend, but go
Themſelves in Perſon, and no boot
For them to ſcorn to trudge a foot.
Coach, Horſe, Sedan, and of that kind,
All other Knacks muſt ſtay behind.
Podex is mighty, ſtout, and ſtrong
To baffle All, would do him wrong.
Podex is in ſo high requeſt,
That each one ſtrives to pleaſe him beſt.
Is Podex out of tune, pray tell,
Who ſpares for Coſt, to make him Well?
Is Podex foul, what Dame ſo nice,
Will ſcorn to wipe him once, or twice?
Whom Podex once but takes to favour
Podex, in loſſe, makes him a Savour.
Podex, with ev'ry Sex, and Sort
Of People, hath a lowd Report.
Podex is of an humble Mind,
Steps not before, but comes behind,
Podex yet ſtandeth bare to None
But to ſtrong-ſented Ajax's throne.
Should I of all his Places ſpeak,
Pen, Inck, and Paper were to weak.
What Houſe of Office in the Land,
But Podex, therein, hath Command?
6Podex, a Statiſt, much of Note,
Doth in all Privy-Councells Vote.
Podez a Judg is, that decrees,
Without reſpects, or bribes, or fees,
A Habeas Corpus, on a pain
None ere incur'd without a Stain.
Podex is Doctor of the Chair,
And where he ſpeaks hold your Tongue there.
Podex a Lawyer is, your Caſe
Can clear at any Time and Place.
And when occaſion rightly needs
In Fee-tail beſt can draw your Deeds.
Podex's-a Herald, Aeolus,
By him, Proclaims his Heſts to us,
From his Culabrian ſnowy Cliff,
A Zone more hot then Teneriff.
Podex is a Phiſitian, much
Cures Collicks, Belly-Ach, and ſuch.
Podex a Souldier is, doth keep
His Watch and Rounds whilſt you do ſleep.
Podex's a Sergeant, whoſe Arreſt
Admits no Bayle, To go is beſt.
But by the way, ere I proced
With Podex further, let his Seed,
His Brood, his Off-ſpring, Iſſue, be
Made known to You. Yet (let me ſee)
It is ſo numerous, ſo great,
So ſtrange, ſo divers to repeat,
7 That ſhould I go this task about
I ne'r ſhould find a clean way out.
Take Notice only, for his grace,
That that which takes the chiefeſt place,
As moſt in power, ſtrength, and Senſe,
A Knight is, cal'd, Sir Reverence.
Come to his Parts. Can any dance
The Spaniſh Pavin, tricks of France,
The Scottiſh Jigg, the Iriſh Trot,
And thouſands more: And Podex not?
Can any fence, or vault, or ride,
But Podex, there, is in his Pride?
Podex a Linguiſt is, affects
To ſpeak in ſundry Dialects.
Podex is verſ'd, in Grammar, Well,
His ev'ry Part of Speech can tell:
Knows all his Rules, among the reſt,
Eaſe in praeſenti, likes him beſt.
And Priſcian (be it no diſgrace)
Dares hardly lok him in the face.
Podex in Ret'rick hath a Vein
Oft utt'ring in a fluent ſtrain.
His Elocutions Excellence
The object is of ev'ry Senſe.
You may there, taſte, touch, ſmell, ſee, hear:
The Scholemen but affect the Ear.
Podex, in Logick, is profound,
His Syllogiſmes are ſtrong, and ſound.
8Feſtino a main Figure is
He loves, and ſometimes**Diſamis
* Does-amiſſe. His force doth in Bocardo lye;
And bears all out with,**Datiſt.
* That — is — I. Muſick doth Podex ſo delight,
He ſings by Day, he ſings by Night;
He ſings with All, in ev'ry Place,
All kind of Parts; His chief is Baſe.
Knows Thirds, Fifths, Eights, Reſts, Mood and Time:
His Gam-ut can deſcend and climb.
If to Arithmetick you come,
Podex can caſt, can clear a ſumme.
Adde, Multiply, Subſtract, Divide;
Work ſtill to the Siniſter ſide.
The Rules of Fellowſhip, of Three,
And more to him familiar be.
Podex is for Geometry,
Showes Area, ſhows Periphery.
Shows Circle, Center, Parallels;
Showes the Diameter, (that tells
How to ſplit juſtly Rounds in Two:)
And ſhowes you more the I will do.
Talk of Aſtronomie, and there
Podex excells; Diſplayes the Sphere,
Its Motions, Conſtellations, Range,
Eclipſes, Changes: Shows (O ſtrange!)
The Smooth-fac'd Twins, the milky way,
The Pole, the Line, and ſuch as they.
9hall not then Podex for his parts
Be ſtiled Maſter in the Arts?
Nay rather make their number even,
By adding Podex to the Seven.
Podex is Liberall, and may
Better be called, Arſe, then They.
Something of Podex yet I find,
Of no ſmall Moment, left behind,
His Slights and Arts. But who ſhould tell,
All, would a Volumne vaſtly Swell.
True Symmetrie, 'tis truly Sed,
Will, by the Foot, deſcribe the Head.
It ſhall ſuffice, that, by a Spole,
A Senſe acute may ſent the Hole.
Podex an Archer is, of Thoſe
That aim at Heel, and hit the Noſe.
Podox is a Perfumer, vents
Strong, and of ſundry ſorts of Sents.
Podex a Painter is, can lay
Colours, as well By Night as Day.
Podex is a rare Pilot, knows
Whence the Wind comes, and where it blows.
Is for all weathers, ſometimes ſayles
With gentle, ſometimes bluſt'ring Gales.
His ſteddy Courſe doth ſeldome ſtoop,
For he hath ſtill the Wind in Poop.
Podex's a Husbandman, can ſoyl
His Ground with eaſe when others toyl.
10Podex a Tucker is, and knows
A ſpeedy way to thicken Cloathes.
Podex's a Chandler, and you may
Fetch much-Turd there, freſh ev'ry Day.
Podex a Trumpeter is too,
And blows as ſtrong as you can do.
Podex is, — Nay I fain would know,
What Podex is not? Which to ſhow
But in the Negative, would more
Puzle the Brain, then what, before,
Of him is ſaid. In this, conclude,
That High, and Low, the fil'd, the rude,
The rich, the poor, the foul, the faire,
The-All the World, his Vaſſals are.
Who dares withſtand his force and might
If once he ſayes, You muſt go — Walk?
Podex then only doth ſurmount,
Podex is ſole Lord Paramount.
Podex ſtill mones within his Sphere;
Podex is Podex ev'ry where.
Podex ſhall breathe in ſpite of Fate,
While Tails do croake, and Tongues do prate.
FINIS.